Monday

[concasse]

[It had been Sanji's idea to gather up the kids for a little story time -- a little "celebration" given their surprisingly good fortune, though he's careful not to phrase it that way (Ion's got it hard enough as it is).

So sometime during the night, he'll visit their room armed with snacks and hot cocoa, shooting both of them a grin.]

Oi, help me set this shit down somewhere.

Comments

[randori]

[ Natsuo sticks his tongue into his mug, immediately scalds it, and keeps drinking anyways. You know. As you do.

What story to hear, though? Sky Island sounds pretty cool, and Enies Lobby sounds like some sort of fancy hotel. The Grand Line? He's imagining Sanji dramatically walking across... honestly, just a bold black line painted across the ground. Somebody needs to give these places better names. ]

I want to hear something about treasure! Tell us about a time you found lots of treasure and then buried it and there needs to be parrots and- and singing!

[fragileprophet]

[Ion, a boy of much simpler preferences, naturally has a much different sort of reaction to Sanji's question.]

I think anything would be lovely to hear!

[But that's not particularly helpful, so he adds:]

The Grand Line sounds nice!

[He said "first" so it's probably good for a chronological start, anyway.]

[concasse]

[TREASURE.

HA.

Natsuo is about to be so disappointed.]

My crew doesn't own a parrot -- and shit, the only parrots I remember are ones that could only face a specific direction. You twist the bodies but the head remains in place. They got really pissed off at us.

[But anyway--]

Grand Line it is, then, since Ion actually picked between the options. [Holds up a finger]

Now, the thing you two gotta keep in mind is that the place where I'm from? Mostly water. And islands. In fact, there's only one large body of land, and it circumvents the world like a ring. Called the Red Line.

Which makes it pretty damn tricky to get to the Grand Line -- that's a strip of ocean with some of the most dangerous monsters in the world. Some big enough to swallow a ship whole and have room for dessert. Most people end up dying if they try sailing there...

[randori]

[ He kind of wants to hear about this parrot harassment ngl The rest of what Sanji's saying is starting to sound like a horror story than something cute to listen to over cookies and hot chocolate. ]

What kind of post-apocalyptic world did you live in...? What if you can't swim!? If a ship breaks and you can't swim, there's nowhere to run to! I'd die!!

[fragileprophet]

[Ion blinks, surprised by Natsuo's reaction. Sure, his own world isn't nearly that watery, but it has its own issues.]

It's not that strange, is it? So, where exactly where is the Grand Line in relation to the Red Line?

[concasse]

[Also staring at Natsuo like wtf, apparently one out of these three does not have a planet that's always two seconds away from spontaneously combusting for some reason.]

If you can't swim, well... either you stay on whatever island you grew up on, or you take that shitty risk. I didn't say being a pirate was safe.

[Sanji's life expectancy is shit. Thanks One Piece.]

And pretend this is a globe. [Picking up a snack that is sphere shaped, probably some cute pastry that took like five hours to make.]

The Red Line covers the world in a loop, and the Grand Line runs perpendicular.

[Basically this, with Sanji looping his fingers along the pastry to demonstrate.]

The Grand Line? You can't cross it like a normal sea. You'd die. So for most people, whatever ocean quadrant they live in, they stay in. If you wanna switch over, you risk your life.

[ONE PIECE~ A HAPPY STORY ABOUT PIRATES]

Anyway, the point where the Red Line and Grand Line connect? Its a huge ass mountain with streams that run up and down. If you wanna get on the Grand Line, you shoot up the right stream and pray your ship isn't destroyed before the journey even starts.

... Oh, and hope the giant whale doesn't smash your ship, either.

[Typing this shit out makes me realize how horrific this story actually is, I am so sorry]

[randori]

[ When will airplanes be invented so everybody in One Piece can live?? ]

Scary... Why don't you just— [ He picks up something simple like a chocolate chip cookie, teases out the chocolate chips, and pokes them under Sanji's fingers, breaking up the line it creates. ] Build a bridge to get over it? Then you don't have to mess with the whales and stuff.

[fragileprophet]

I'm guessing the currents and monsters make that impossible, right? If it's too difficult to cross in the first place, building it would be an incredible feat...and even more of one for the bridge to stay in place for very long.

[There could also just be laws and regulations in place, but.]

[concasse]

[Pooointing to Ion, ding ding ding, he's got the right idea.

... Also taking that cookie and promptly popping it into his mouth. THERE'S MORE HERE, NO COMPLAINTS.]

Not only that, no one actually lives on the Red Line, last I heard. shit's completely uninhabitable. So the coordination it'd take to build a bridge when none of the Blues really interact with each other, on top of gathering up resources from all the islands... that shit isn't gonna happen anytime soon.

[But anyway.]

So at the start of the Grand Line lives a giant whale named Laboon. He's so big, his doctor actually lives within a small island in his gut.

[Why is this canon like this]

[randori]

You just... build the bridge while crossing it, you don't have to get to the other side first. All you need is some wood and nails...

[ He pulls a face at the incompetency of One Piecers. Can't build a bridge, and they've got this whale eating doctors now. ]

Is this where you come swooping in to save the day? You gutted the whale?

[fragileprophet]

[Oh my God. Ion glances back at Sanji and he can't help but smile. We're just, uh, we're gonna move on.]

I hope that it didn't come to that--Laboon didn't end up crushing your ship, did he?

[concasse]

[Sanji isn't even much of a sweets person but by god, Natsuo is driving him to eating another cookie. Thank god Ion is here.]

No, I did not gut the whale. He's actually a friend of mine now.

[Give him a second, Sanji will explain.]

See, Laboon's actually the long lost crewmate of my musician. 50 years back, that crew left him at that mountain because the journey wasn't safe for a baby whale, and eventually Laboon grew so big he accidentally blocked the passage to the Grand Line. But, y'know, refused to move while he was waiting for his friends.

[This universe is either dangerous or sad, kids.]

As for my musician... [Oh boy.] Well, he's around 80 years old, but was transformed into a skeleton... and uh, his crew didn't make the journey. But me and my crew found him lost at sea, so now his goal is to return back to Laboon and show him that the crew never forgot him.

[They just died horribly.

O N E P I E C E]

[randori]

[ whispers, like he'd just made a stunning revelation- ]

It's Fane.

[fragileprophet]

[This is one time where Ion is not going to be helpful. He has a hand over his heart, crestfallen, at the tale of poor Laboon and his plight, at Sanji's undead crewmate...

and then Natsuo speaks. His expression goes blank, and then he can't help himself. He absolutely doubles over in laughter.]

[concasse]

Fane is not my crewmate!

[smacking a hand to his forehead, jesus wept--]

His name is Brook! Brook! He's got an afro and a top hat!

[randori]

How many living skeletons are there!?! Skulls can't have hair anyways!!

[ I've read One Piece and this sounds so fake!!!!!! ]

[fragileprophet]

I'm sorry--

[Ion apologies between wheezing, wiping tears from his eyes. What is happening? He's never laughed this hard.]

I'm sure Brook--I'm sure--

[He's calming down, he's centering.]

I'm sure they're both very different gentlemen!

[concasse]

I'm tellin' ya, he's got an afro! The fuck would I make that up for?!

[asjdlfaskfhoai]

Damn right they're different! Brook's way more personable than Fane is.

[Listen he's glad Ion is having a good time but Natsuo he swears to the sea--]

And it's his dream to get back to Laboon! We're just... taking the long way to get there.

[randori]

Fane's pretty personable... [ Fane is a person. Natsuo does not know what personable means. ]

Brook— did Laboon eat him and spit out his skeleton?

[ He'll do his best to understand the story, but... One Piece... ]

[fragileprophet]

[Finally, Ion's case of the giggles subsides, and Ion catches his breath.]

I'm sure--Laboon and Brook sounded like good friends, right? Friends wouldn't do such a thing to one another.

[concasse]

[Sanji swears Ion is the only person who is following this story]

No, friends wouldn't do that.

The reason Brook's a skeleton is because of a devil fruit. They grant really weird powers to the eater, but the trade-off is you'll sink in water -- so really dangerous for a pirate.

Anyway, his devil fruit gave Brook's soul a chance to return to his body after death... but a shitty problem happened. The soul couldn't find the body because of a thick-ass fog that covered that entire portion of sea, so by the time his soul found what it was looking for, the body had decomposed into nothing but bones.

[randori]

[ How can anybody follow this story?? It gets wilder and wilder every time Sanji opens his mouth, and Natsuo's half expecting him to end the story with "Just kidding!" and make fun of them for how much they believed it was real.

It's a good story, even if it's fake, but it sparks something of hope, too— dangerous, dangerous hope ]

That fruit... it's real, right? That's something that actually exists?

[fragileprophet]

That is a big risk for a pirate to take...

[Ion looks concerned now.]

Actually, with so much water on your planet, that's a big risk for anyone at all to take, isn't it?

[But he pauses, thinking of his friend Luke, and how he'd been when they'd first met.]

But I suppose I understand. A lot of people will do anything to become powerful in some way, regardless of the risk involved.

[concasse]

[A nod to Ion] That's it right there. If you've eaten a devil fruit, it means the chances of another pirate crew, or the marines, or anyone else trying to start shit won't end in their favor. Hell, most of the devil fruit users I know are in positions of power.

[Back to Natsuo]

And they exist on my world, yeah... can't speak for anyone else's. [Don't get too hopeful kid. Sanji brings up some fingers, ticking them off]

But for example -- my doctor is a reindeer who ate the Hito Hito fruit, which turned him partially human. My captain ate a fruit that turned him into a rubber man. I already told you about my musician... and then there's Robin-chan, my archeologist, who ate a fruit that allows her to "bloom" any body part that she wants, as many times as she wants, wherever she wants.

So she could sprout eyes all over the walls, have an arm stick outta you, or even make a copy of herself.

[randori]

[ whispers under his breath "my doctor is a reindeer"... ]

Okay. Um. [ God. Okay. ] The death fruit, what's that one called? Its name, and what would I— someone... do with it? To make it work.