Monday

[concasse]

[It had been Sanji's idea to gather up the kids for a little story time -- a little "celebration" given their surprisingly good fortune, though he's careful not to phrase it that way (Ion's got it hard enough as it is).

So sometime during the night, he'll visit their room armed with snacks and hot cocoa, shooting both of them a grin.]

Oi, help me set this shit down somewhere.

Comments

[randori]

[ When will airplanes be invented so everybody in One Piece can live?? ]

Scary... Why don't you just— [ He picks up something simple like a chocolate chip cookie, teases out the chocolate chips, and pokes them under Sanji's fingers, breaking up the line it creates. ] Build a bridge to get over it? Then you don't have to mess with the whales and stuff.

[fragileprophet]

I'm guessing the currents and monsters make that impossible, right? If it's too difficult to cross in the first place, building it would be an incredible feat...and even more of one for the bridge to stay in place for very long.

[There could also just be laws and regulations in place, but.]

[concasse]

[Pooointing to Ion, ding ding ding, he's got the right idea.

... Also taking that cookie and promptly popping it into his mouth. THERE'S MORE HERE, NO COMPLAINTS.]

Not only that, no one actually lives on the Red Line, last I heard. shit's completely uninhabitable. So the coordination it'd take to build a bridge when none of the Blues really interact with each other, on top of gathering up resources from all the islands... that shit isn't gonna happen anytime soon.

[But anyway.]

So at the start of the Grand Line lives a giant whale named Laboon. He's so big, his doctor actually lives within a small island in his gut.

[Why is this canon like this]

[randori]

You just... build the bridge while crossing it, you don't have to get to the other side first. All you need is some wood and nails...

[ He pulls a face at the incompetency of One Piecers. Can't build a bridge, and they've got this whale eating doctors now. ]

Is this where you come swooping in to save the day? You gutted the whale?

[fragileprophet]

[Oh my God. Ion glances back at Sanji and he can't help but smile. We're just, uh, we're gonna move on.]

I hope that it didn't come to that--Laboon didn't end up crushing your ship, did he?

[concasse]

[Sanji isn't even much of a sweets person but by god, Natsuo is driving him to eating another cookie. Thank god Ion is here.]

No, I did not gut the whale. He's actually a friend of mine now.

[Give him a second, Sanji will explain.]

See, Laboon's actually the long lost crewmate of my musician. 50 years back, that crew left him at that mountain because the journey wasn't safe for a baby whale, and eventually Laboon grew so big he accidentally blocked the passage to the Grand Line. But, y'know, refused to move while he was waiting for his friends.

[This universe is either dangerous or sad, kids.]

As for my musician... [Oh boy.] Well, he's around 80 years old, but was transformed into a skeleton... and uh, his crew didn't make the journey. But me and my crew found him lost at sea, so now his goal is to return back to Laboon and show him that the crew never forgot him.

[They just died horribly.

O N E P I E C E]

[randori]

[ whispers, like he'd just made a stunning revelation- ]

It's Fane.

[fragileprophet]

[This is one time where Ion is not going to be helpful. He has a hand over his heart, crestfallen, at the tale of poor Laboon and his plight, at Sanji's undead crewmate...

and then Natsuo speaks. His expression goes blank, and then he can't help himself. He absolutely doubles over in laughter.]

[concasse]

Fane is not my crewmate!

[smacking a hand to his forehead, jesus wept--]

His name is Brook! Brook! He's got an afro and a top hat!

[randori]

How many living skeletons are there!?! Skulls can't have hair anyways!!

[ I've read One Piece and this sounds so fake!!!!!! ]

[fragileprophet]

I'm sorry--

[Ion apologies between wheezing, wiping tears from his eyes. What is happening? He's never laughed this hard.]

I'm sure Brook--I'm sure--

[He's calming down, he's centering.]

I'm sure they're both very different gentlemen!

[concasse]

I'm tellin' ya, he's got an afro! The fuck would I make that up for?!

[asjdlfaskfhoai]

Damn right they're different! Brook's way more personable than Fane is.

[Listen he's glad Ion is having a good time but Natsuo he swears to the sea--]

And it's his dream to get back to Laboon! We're just... taking the long way to get there.

[randori]

Fane's pretty personable... [ Fane is a person. Natsuo does not know what personable means. ]

Brook— did Laboon eat him and spit out his skeleton?

[ He'll do his best to understand the story, but... One Piece... ]

[fragileprophet]

[Finally, Ion's case of the giggles subsides, and Ion catches his breath.]

I'm sure--Laboon and Brook sounded like good friends, right? Friends wouldn't do such a thing to one another.

[concasse]

[Sanji swears Ion is the only person who is following this story]

No, friends wouldn't do that.

The reason Brook's a skeleton is because of a devil fruit. They grant really weird powers to the eater, but the trade-off is you'll sink in water -- so really dangerous for a pirate.

Anyway, his devil fruit gave Brook's soul a chance to return to his body after death... but a shitty problem happened. The soul couldn't find the body because of a thick-ass fog that covered that entire portion of sea, so by the time his soul found what it was looking for, the body had decomposed into nothing but bones.

[randori]

[ How can anybody follow this story?? It gets wilder and wilder every time Sanji opens his mouth, and Natsuo's half expecting him to end the story with "Just kidding!" and make fun of them for how much they believed it was real.

It's a good story, even if it's fake, but it sparks something of hope, too— dangerous, dangerous hope ]

That fruit... it's real, right? That's something that actually exists?

[fragileprophet]

That is a big risk for a pirate to take...

[Ion looks concerned now.]

Actually, with so much water on your planet, that's a big risk for anyone at all to take, isn't it?

[But he pauses, thinking of his friend Luke, and how he'd been when they'd first met.]

But I suppose I understand. A lot of people will do anything to become powerful in some way, regardless of the risk involved.

[concasse]

[A nod to Ion] That's it right there. If you've eaten a devil fruit, it means the chances of another pirate crew, or the marines, or anyone else trying to start shit won't end in their favor. Hell, most of the devil fruit users I know are in positions of power.

[Back to Natsuo]

And they exist on my world, yeah... can't speak for anyone else's. [Don't get too hopeful kid. Sanji brings up some fingers, ticking them off]

But for example -- my doctor is a reindeer who ate the Hito Hito fruit, which turned him partially human. My captain ate a fruit that turned him into a rubber man. I already told you about my musician... and then there's Robin-chan, my archeologist, who ate a fruit that allows her to "bloom" any body part that she wants, as many times as she wants, wherever she wants.

So she could sprout eyes all over the walls, have an arm stick outta you, or even make a copy of herself.

[randori]

[ whispers under his breath "my doctor is a reindeer"... ]

Okay. Um. [ God. Okay. ] The death fruit, what's that one called? Its name, and what would I— someone... do with it? To make it work.

[fragileprophet]

I'm assuming...you're never really sure what you're going to get until you get it?

[He's really trying to help, Sanji.]

So what happened after you met Laboon?

[This story's narrative is so scattered.]

1/2

[concasse]

[This story has been butchered, rip in heck.]

Damn right you can't tell what you get! And you activate it by dying.

[MOVING THE FUCK ON]

[concasse]

So anyway, we sail to this island called Whiskey Peak -- and to our surprise? Get a big welcome. Everyone's cheering, offering us food, drink, whatever we want.

[Does it sound like a trap?

Because it was a trap]

And the moment we're asleep, they try to kill us. Turns out the place is notorious for trying to off new pirate crews who enter the Grand Line and profit off their bounties.

[randori]

[ This story was salvageable from the start

Natsuo will keep that fruit in mind, disregard the warning, and move on. ]

I bet they were disappointed, huh? A chef and a reindeer, there's no way you guys have bounties.

[fragileprophet]

[Never judge a book by its cover, Natsuo...]

That sounds awful--how big is your bounty?

[concasse]

Right now?

177,000,000 beli.

[BITE HIS ASS, NATSUO]