[Another Friday. Another (uno) dead body. Frankly, Sanji's more impressed that they're only dealing with one corpse, but he'd rather not look a gift horse in the mouth today.
And it's during his mullings that he happens to spot Yin Yu, turning his expression immediately stern]
Oi, you got a minute? I wanna ask you about yesterday.
[-- STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. Didn't even offer him dinner.]
[ yin yu's less mobile than usual today. he's not incapacitated by any means, but flayn told him to rest, and he learned last week how little he can do in terms of investigating anything, so. sanji can find him seated near his cabin, quietly meditating.
as he's addressed, he opens his eyes. ]
...very well. I can only give part of the story: you would have to check in with Lady Lili to receive all of the details. Is that alright?
[ he nods. yin yu has no difficulties sharing the information. ] Of course, sir.
[ he is calm and thorough as he starts to tell the tale. ] Lady Flayn, Lady Lili and I went to investigate the space above the sporting area. When we entered, we found an infirmary of some kind, and there was a child inside, as well as a few other children crying in the distance. Lady Lili asked me to investigate the children in the hall to the side, so Lady Flayn and I went. The further that we proceeded... whatever it was had some effect on our mental states. I had forgotten entirely about who I arrived with, and by the time we stepped through the door we chose, it was not to anywhere with crying children, nor an infirmary, but rather, back to the island Lady Flayn and I came from, before this place.
When we came through the tent, there was someone there from the island, but she was much younger, maybe eleven or twelve years old. She was insistent on treating us for our injuries--more so Lady Flayn, than myself. She had a syringe, and she mentioned treating us for 'residuals'. Upon saying so, there were these odd lumps and bumps that appeared under our skin. They moved about like bugs.
At that moment, I thought the girl from the island must have been some sort of creation of resentful energy, an evil spirit. So, I put myself between Lady Flayn and attempted to disarm her, but she was far stronger than I would have expected, and whatever those 'residuals' were, they slowed my movements. I thought it must have been some kind of paralytic, but I wouldn't be surprised if they made Lady Flayn's wound worse, too.
Sanji could forgive everything else about this shitty place, but not being able to cook? Sets his teeth on edge in a way that makes it difficult to weather anyone's company, even Yasusada's. So he hides away for those first few hours, trying to gather up some plan...
And he's in luck! Sorta. There's at least kitchenware around for him to use, specifically electronic appliances. He'll have to gather them up into one place, probably near the food courts, make sure everything has an outlet... it's something, he keeps telling himself, even if his heart continues to be weighed down with lead.
This is something, so he should just shut up and be grateful he gets anything at all. Over and over he repeats to himself, until eventually even he can't muster the energy.
He sits on one of the court tables, head bowed, expression dipping into depression with no one to look at him]
[ now that the day is mostly over and yin yu's learned, mostly, the events of what happened while he was out, he's less... he's just less. any of the irritation has melted into his usual numb, exhausted depression.
he spots sanji a few times as he's making himself an area to rest in, passes by silent, unnoticeable as nearly always, keeping an eye on what he's gathering.
it's towards the end of the evening when sanji might notice something being placed on the table. it's a box - specifically, this box but more campsco-y. it had the character for rice on it. he's a ye olde.
it's a peace offering, if anything. yin yu dips his head, in greeting. ]
Yin Yu earns a stare, Sanji's quiet expression immediately callousing over into something distant and neutral, even as his brows furrow at the sight of that... gift.
Which is such a goddamn cheat even if the other man doesn't realize it; Sanji could have ignored anything that didn't have to do with the only passion that's kept him sane through two murder games, the one small way he's able to retain a semblance of joy in his heart--]
I'd expect you to hate me.
[Though even upon delivering that comment, Sanji hesitates, and then blows out a sigh that propels him into motion. He scoots the box closer to himself.]
You don't have to play nice, y'know. We got a lot of people on this side who'll help see shit through. You can collaborate with them if it suits your tastes.
[All things he's certain Yin Yu knows, but they bear repeating, Sanji believes]
[ yin yu's quiet for a moment, not quite sitting down, but not moving much, either. his face is hidden, so it might be hard to read his reaction, but... when he speaks, he's quiet and solemn, and sounds... tired. ]
There's nothing productive about hating anyone. What's done is done: I'm still standing here, even if it's not on the other side. The place that I work in is this type of limbo, anyway. It's not unusual.
[ he taps his fingers against the top of the box for a moment before pulling back. ] What would truly suit my taste is getting back to something [ and someone ] I need to return to. In essence, this is a peace offering. It doesn't matter. What matters is what's ahead.
[ ... mn. ] That being said, now that things have settled [ and we're in a PC ] I don't think I'm unfair in asking you for more information, either.
Though on principle Sanji finds himself agreeing, and it's that same pragmatism that allows him to settle into place, expression taking a turn for thoughtfulness as he eyes drop back for the rice cooker. As tempted as he is to repeat what he said before -- that whatever Yasusada told him would have to do in lieu of an explanation...]
You ever talk with anyone from where I came from -- the castle?
[ sanji refusing to give him information had ultimately been what annoyed him the most about their initial interaction. the mistake that he and yasusada made cost yin yu his life: the fact that he knew nothing about why short of what yasusada told him stuck with him after their conversation, too. if he died, couldn't there be a point to it? short of an honorable duel, short of yasusada thinking he killed giyuu? there had to be more.
and he was right.
so. yin yu folds his arms, settling in to listen. ] ...I've spoken with you all, but not about the castle itself.
A role designed to do nothing but kill. The hosts would tell me who had to die, and I did the rest of the work. All shitty evidence was erased, and even if I was put on trial, I'd still survive an execution.
[Easily breezing along through the explanation. It's not the first time Sanji has admitted his past evils, and it probably won't be the last. Instead he digs through his pockets before realizing that even if he had cigarettes on him, being dead's taken away his taste for nicotine. Figures.
So instead he settles back with a sigh, glancing at the ceiling]
Being an Editor had a point, though -- we had a lot of unruly bastards who wanted to break the game, or be sneaky. The kind of shit that would get everyone killed if too many people tried to play hero.
... I killed to give everyone a chance -- because it was the only way to ensure not everyone stayed dead forever. Balance and all.
Shit, I even asked one of our hosts for details our first week, and they said there was no Editor role. So I ... [A flicker of emotion, and an unexpected pause. He hides both of them as best he can.] I panicked.
[...]
The only reason my castle got a happy ending is we were willing to suffer through it. Losing people. Killing a bunch. Acknowledging that the ugly solution would be the one to bring everyone back.
[... And it's here that Sanji switches out of his distant narration, fixing Yin Yu with a frank, near unapologetic gaze. He won't look away if the other man is determined to know the truth of it.]
I don't know what Yasusada told you, but we didn't go after you because of Giyuu. Sure, there was a chance you killed him. There was also an equal chance you didn't. [There was always going to be the chance that their mark was wrong. That was never the point.] I still told him to do what was necessary, especially when he mentioned you were a strong fighter. Someone who could hold his own in an honorable battle.
Because I decided early on I'd kill as many of you bastards as I needed to, to keep the teams even and prolong the game, until we could figure out a solution that would bring everyone back.
[Yin Yu wasn't a target, really. He was just a logistical sacrifice.]
[ yin yu is gearing himself up for sanji's discussion of the roles, immediately thinking about giyuu on the island, and all of that... for just someone else determined to play the game.
but... in the end, it didn't matter, after all.
in a way, it's sort of poetic. that's the kind of life that yin yu has always lived; an unnoticeable shadow, an unknowable person, always designed to go out with a fizzle and never with a bang. it's almost laughable, in a pathetic sort of way.
yin yu is quiet for a long moment. mask on his face, sanji can't see his expression, but it hasn't changed much, as he processes the story. and there's a moment, a flare in his chest, where it hurts. (he had long pushed that hurt and pain away from him, because it had only caused him trouble, for so long. only recently was the softer, vulnerable heart he'd had when he was a god started to find its way to the surface again, only to be cut down. it's to be expected.)
when yin yu finally speaks again, his voice is neutral, quiet. ] ...You both used that word. "Honorable." I don't know if I would call the conditions of that battle anywhere near 'honorable': I would like to request that you would both stop calling it that.
What was so honorable about you lying to me? Was Yasusada telling me that it was about Tomioka supposed to soften the blow? It took me prodding at him the night of to even begin to tell me it was for this 'Okita-san'. And I know that Yasusada wasn't allowed to speak of what he had done, but this lie of yours just caused more confusion amongst the living, especially when we don't know who killed Tomioka in the first place.
[ there's a little frustration starting to leak through his voice, but, yin yu stops himself, and sighs. he lifts his mask up, reaching up to rub his forehead with two fingers, taking a deep breath. still water. your heart is still water. ]
...I'm not angry with either of you. It's not really about my life, or Tomioka, or the living. [ he says, quietly, as he finishes, because he really isn't angry. not at sanji, or yasusada, really. at the camp. at the island. at the hundreds of years of failure on his belt. ] I understand what it means to want to win, especially in this situation. I want to win as much as you two do, and that was something I have been working towards in my own right since the beginning. It's something I will continue to work for with everything I have here, now.
...The matter of me being 'chosen', for the reasons you've given, doesn't matter to me. In the barest of logic, it was a good point, although the use of powers on either end didn't make any of it feel particularly honorable. What mattered was how cowardly of the both of you it was to lie to me, and then to be reticent when I ask for answers when the deed has been done. [ yin yu finally gives a small shrug of his shoulders. his mask turns back to look at sanji, properly. ] To me, that was more dishonorable than being killed ever could have been.
That's why I sought you out again, and I'm glad that you told me this: it means a lot to me, and you have my deepest gratitude for doing so.
[ there's a quiet, reflective pause, and his tone softens. ] ...I meant what I said, that we have to work together now. No running or hiding-- and that goes both for the two of you, and for myself. [ you have to live in the present moment. maybe it's high time he confronted some of his own troubles, too. ] I'd like to put it behind all three of us, and move towards a common goal.
The idea of "honor" was more for Yasusada, to be honest. I would've killed regardless of the finer details, but he wanted me on the side of the living, so ... he got the call the shots. [...] He got to decide who he fought. I couldn't be involved.
But fine. If you wanna call it what it was -- [murder, plain and simple] -- you got it.
[Sanji himself would have played dirty, stabbed Yin Yu in the back, done whatever was necessary to take him down, because there isn't really honor among pirates and all. Not when the game has so much at stake. So Yin Yu's frustration is noted with a tilt of the man's head before he just nods without much commentary.
(Does he feel it in his soul to be guilty, Sanji wonders at himself... Does Yin Yu's frustration actually reach him? He's done nothing but hit the ground running since he started this bullshit, moving people on the chess board like pawns, and even being faced with the man whom he condemned to death for the sake of the whole... Well. There's not a note of emotion in his chest, though maybe that's just the numbness settling into place.
... The castle really did change him for the worst.)
A cluck of his tongue. The chef drums his fingers along the table.]
You call it cowardly. I call it not opening my shitty mouth in public when I wasn't sure what I could or couldn't say. [The only part of that reply that Sanji seems to have issue with, judged by how his visible eye narrows. But it's not such a sticking point that he decides to dwell on it. Yin Yu is allowed his feelings on the matter, even if Sanji disagrees.]
You're not wrong, though. [A hand goes up to cup at his chin while the man sighs and leans his weight into his upturned knee] I miscalculated -- nah. I just fucked up. Didn't think that someone would actually take me on and actually survive. And then that lie ran away with Yasusada when he was left by himself...
[So it's no surprise that from what Sanji's heard, most of the living assumed it was a revenge kill and judged him accordingly. After all, it got his friend killed for nothing; an ugly truth he'll have to hang around his neck like a noose forever. The fatigue hits him like a slow-building curse, and Sanji sighs it out, feeling much older than twenty-one]
Anyway, I've got no issues working together. Kinda ruins my shitty plans if we all stay dead. [Still sounding vaguely surprised Yin Yu didn't throw the peace offering back in his face after a lengthy explanation of "surprise, we ran the numbers and you were the unlucky winner".]
... You're pretty damn reasonable for someone who should want to kick my ass.
[ it's nice to have said his piece, but it's just as nice to hear sanji talk, too. yin yu listens patiently, making sure to take every point made into consideration. there are a few things they'll have to agree to disagree on, but for the most part, it's... good.
it's a start.
at sanji's last comment, he huffs a soft half laugh. ] ...I have lived for three centuries, young master. If I have learned anything, it is that begrudging others only causes pain.
[ after all, quietly, he had begrudged quan yizhen for his talent. for his ability. for the way that he overcame yin yu like it was nothing, because to him, it was nothing, and that ugly, quiet grudge reared its head and ruined his life. he still wants to hate yizhen, but deep down, yin yu knows the only person he blames for such situations is himself. he's had enough garbage happen in his life that being beheaded for no reason is really just another layer of icing on the cake. ] Though, if you would like me to do so [ kick his ass, that is ] I am fairly certain that I could provide.
[ it's said a little more lightly. he's pretty sure he could take sanji in a fight, weapons or no weapons. unlike yasusada, yin yu wouldn't have needed a sword; his specialties have been in hand to hand for centuries.
but there's a brief pause after that, though, and the lightness disappears. ] ..besides, there were parts of this that I suppose are something close to karma.
We had a similar 'role' of sorts on the island. [ he won't doxx who it was, but that person is pretty open about it. ] Where that person was required to choose people to carry out the 'sacrifices' to be made for the ritual. I was one of the ones that they chose to kill someone, and I completed my task without being caught, in much of the same way.
[ his hand comes up to touch his throat. he barely remembers much of that night, but he remembers the aftermath. ] There was nothing particularly honorable about that, either. Whether I wanted to do it or not turned out to be irrelevant, because I did it, anyway. In some sense, I... will do my best to use this, to start to atone for that, too.
[Sanji's as much a warrior as he is a chef, and there's no stress relief like expressing yourself with your body instead of words. Being dead doesn't change that fundamental truth in his eyes. There's even a ghost of a smirk on his face as he replies, the first moment of amusement to cut through his flat expression.]
Ah, but you're an old bastard. Got it.
[Sounding neither surprised, intrigued, or all that caring, instead falling back on a blunt assessment of the facts. Given Yin Yu's age, it actually makes sense he'd take a much more pragmatic stance on the proceedings. When you're that old, it's not like there's gonna be anything left to shock you.
If there's anything that seems to pique his interest, however, it's that last part, and his expression turns grave again.]
If your role helped save people, maybe it wasn't glamorous, but it's something that served a purpose. [Saving people... giving them a chance to live for another tomorrow... that's always going to be Sanji's bottom line. But that said--] I get wanting to atone for it anyway.
[ he is in fact an old man, yeah. sanji's right on the money. three hundred years of a life (if you could call it that) has taught him some lessons, and he learned the hard way how holding a grudge could ruin everything you held dear. he's never been one to pick a fight.
...and it's good, to be something closer to even ground. the tension has evaporated, for the most part. the seriousness of the moment is more about the past and what they can do to help the future, not about the death. ultimately, to yin yu, it doesn't matter.
the comment about serving a purpose puts a sort of amused look on his face, if a little darkly, though it's not visible. if only he knew. ] ...serving a purpose and completing tasks is what I have always done, to the best of my ability. At the time, I didn't know it would save much of anyone, short of the eleven of us who would be allowed to survive.
Ultimately, I know that person is here, and that person deserves far more of a kind ending than what I - and what this place - has chosen to give him.
[ logically, he knows he can't atone. no matter what happens, he will always be guilty for harming someone who had done nothing wrong, but...maybe suffering the same pain is something of a start.
mm. there's a pause, and because he didn't forget; ] That being said...If you'd like to spar some time while we are here, I would be happy to do so. My training in the martial arts and hand to hand will be more than sufficient.
[ and it might be kind of relieving, anyway, for the stress.
yin yu gives a small bow of his head. ] ...thank you, sir. For clarifying with me. I do appreciate it.
[Time to see if a miracle will happen and these two actually have a discussion because while Sanji slows down a tick upon seeing Yin Yu, he just nods and will prepare to keep walking if not stopped.
[Short and to the point. He's still... a little raw from everything, which is the only reason the next self-deprecating comment sneaks out:]
Not that I did much shit to help out.
[His tail -- a tiger tail, of course - flicks from side to side, agitated]
Makes sense why I died, though. Flayn-chan was there to pacify me long enough for Magnus to ask for a duel. They knew if I struck first, I might've killed him.
[ the fact that she was there... yin yu died that same night. they probably happened around the same time.
...he's not sure how to feel. mostly just numb, and exhausted. any anger is so beyond him at this point. magnus made the final blow... trying to picture flayn fighting sanji had admittedly put a little fear in his heart. not that it absolves anything, but that's two that he knows she participated in that... ultimately, were others protecting her from being anything more than an accomplice.
eventually, he sighs. ] ...If you're angry at her for participating, you can take it out on me.
[Voice quiet, tired, but there is still sincerity present. No part of him is radiating killing intent.]
It'd make me a hypocrite. I told you before, I used to be an Editor in my last game. The only difference between her and me is that I didn't get to pick my targets.
[And Sanji supposes if there's any anger in his heart, just in general, it's that he doesn't agree with many of the picks chosen. It's pretty damn obvious those on the boat very purposefully avoided targeting themselves out of loyalty. Does Sanji understand it? Yes, of course he does, he never would have targeted Belph or Steph if he could help it --
But the fact that children were picked instead -- Zenitsu especially -- has put such a foul taste in his mouth.
As a former killer himself, the only crime Sanji judges them all for is being too fuckin selfish.]
Besides, Flayn-chan's already received her punishment. She'll have to carry those sins for the rest of her life. And it's probably never gonna get easier -- for her, for them, for us...
[ she sure has. yin yu figured that much out on saturday, watching her practically beg for her own death. watching people protect her from something, when in reality, she didn't want to be protected at all. yin yu at first had been horrified that he might have gotten her captured innocently -- but by the end of the trial, he was almost begging to get her caught, at all. he's sure flayn is still expecting it. aside from the fact that flayn wants to be punished for the things she's done, she...
mn. this is the worst possible punishment. to live with your guilt dragging at your heels, a shadow with a heavy weight, is a cruel existence, and one that is often deserved. he knows that hurt. yin yu knows that pain. ]
...it won't. [ he's sure sanji must know, too. that same feeling of quiet exhaustion that has come from this entire farce, from the island, and from here. how many people died from his group, because half of these killers had already known each other? ridiculous. the targeting--he's long since accepted his own, but the other kills of his week left him feeling more angry than anything else, zenitsu-- the alliances, the needless amounts of death and destruction....
yin yu's so tired. he just wants this to be over.
eventually, quietly, he speaks up again: ] I don't know what this week will have in store for us. I almost hope that this creature will be as monstrous as we're all expecting it to be.
[ because he would really, really like to kill it with his bare hands. ]
[Sanji thinks he might scream if the secret to beating the creature is through forgiveness, or being the better person despite how much they have suffered. Doesn't matter anymore if it makes him an ugly person; he's a bit tapped out as far as sympathy goes, and for once yearns for things to be straightforward and brutal. A simple solution for a simple goal.
They can only fuckin hope at this point.]
... We're almost done. The roles found who they needed to find, they're free of their responsibilities... I think it's just a waiting game at this point.
[And that -- no. Sanji immediately closes the door on the emotions that swell up in him, when he considers his former role. Sometimes skeletons are best left lurking in the closet.
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W1 || Friday
And it's during his mullings that he happens to spot Yin Yu, turning his expression immediately stern]
Oi, you got a minute? I wanna ask you about yesterday.
[-- STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. Didn't even offer him dinner.]
no subject
as he's addressed, he opens his eyes. ]
...very well. I can only give part of the story: you would have to check in with Lady Lili to receive all of the details. Is that alright?
no subject
Oh trust me, I've checked in with her already. I just like to make sure everyone's stories line up. I appreciate whatever you can spare.
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[ he is calm and thorough as he starts to tell the tale. ] Lady Flayn, Lady Lili and I went to investigate the space above the sporting area. When we entered, we found an infirmary of some kind, and there was a child inside, as well as a few other children crying in the distance. Lady Lili asked me to investigate the children in the hall to the side, so Lady Flayn and I went. The further that we proceeded... whatever it was had some effect on our mental states. I had forgotten entirely about who I arrived with, and by the time we stepped through the door we chose, it was not to anywhere with crying children, nor an infirmary, but rather, back to the island Lady Flayn and I came from, before this place.
When we came through the tent, there was someone there from the island, but she was much younger, maybe eleven or twelve years old. She was insistent on treating us for our injuries--more so Lady Flayn, than myself. She had a syringe, and she mentioned treating us for 'residuals'. Upon saying so, there were these odd lumps and bumps that appeared under our skin. They moved about like bugs.
At that moment, I thought the girl from the island must have been some sort of creation of resentful energy, an evil spirit. So, I put myself between Lady Flayn and attempted to disarm her, but she was far stronger than I would have expected, and whatever those 'residuals' were, they slowed my movements. I thought it must have been some kind of paralytic, but I wouldn't be surprised if they made Lady Flayn's wound worse, too.
W5 || Monday (forward dated)
Sanji could forgive everything else about this shitty place, but not being able to cook? Sets his teeth on edge in a way that makes it difficult to weather anyone's company, even Yasusada's. So he hides away for those first few hours, trying to gather up some plan...
And he's in luck! Sorta. There's at least kitchenware around for him to use, specifically electronic appliances. He'll have to gather them up into one place, probably near the food courts, make sure everything has an outlet... it's something, he keeps telling himself, even if his heart continues to be weighed down with lead.
This is something, so he should just shut up and be grateful he gets anything at all. Over and over he repeats to himself, until eventually even he can't muster the energy.
He sits on one of the court tables, head bowed, expression dipping into depression with no one to look at him]
no subject
he spots sanji a few times as he's making himself an area to rest in, passes by silent, unnoticeable as nearly always, keeping an eye on what he's gathering.
it's towards the end of the evening when sanji might notice something being placed on the table. it's a box - specifically, this box but more campsco-y. it had the character for rice on it. he's a ye olde.
it's a peace offering, if anything. yin yu dips his head, in greeting. ]
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Yin Yu earns a stare, Sanji's quiet expression immediately callousing over into something distant and neutral, even as his brows furrow at the sight of that... gift.
Which is such a goddamn cheat even if the other man doesn't realize it; Sanji could have ignored anything that didn't have to do with the only passion that's kept him sane through two murder games, the one small way he's able to retain a semblance of joy in his heart--]
I'd expect you to hate me.
[Though even upon delivering that comment, Sanji hesitates, and then blows out a sigh that propels him into motion. He scoots the box closer to himself.]
You don't have to play nice, y'know. We got a lot of people on this side who'll help see shit through. You can collaborate with them if it suits your tastes.
[All things he's certain Yin Yu knows, but they bear repeating, Sanji believes]
no subject
There's nothing productive about hating anyone. What's done is done: I'm still standing here, even if it's not on the other side. The place that I work in is this type of limbo, anyway. It's not unusual.
[ he taps his fingers against the top of the box for a moment before pulling back. ] What would truly suit my taste is getting back to something [ and someone ] I need to return to. In essence, this is a peace offering. It doesn't matter. What matters is what's ahead.
[ ... mn. ] That being said, now that things have settled [
and we're in a PC] I don't think I'm unfair in asking you for more information, either.no subject
Though on principle Sanji finds himself agreeing, and it's that same pragmatism that allows him to settle into place, expression taking a turn for thoughtfulness as he eyes drop back for the rice cooker. As tempted as he is to repeat what he said before -- that whatever Yasusada told him would have to do in lieu of an explanation...]
You ever talk with anyone from where I came from -- the castle?
[Another pause, and then with steeling breath]
Is the term "Editor" familiar to you at all?
no subject
and he was right.
so. yin yu folds his arms, settling in to listen. ] ...I've spoken with you all, but not about the castle itself.
Is that one of the roles? [ was, is. ]
1/2
[Easily breezing along through the explanation. It's not the first time Sanji has admitted his past evils, and it probably won't be the last. Instead he digs through his pockets before realizing that even if he had cigarettes on him, being dead's taken away his taste for nicotine. Figures.
So instead he settles back with a sigh, glancing at the ceiling]
Being an Editor had a point, though -- we had a lot of unruly bastards who wanted to break the game, or be sneaky. The kind of shit that would get everyone killed if too many people tried to play hero.
... I killed to give everyone a chance -- because it was the only way to ensure not everyone stayed dead forever. Balance and all.
no subject
-- And, uh. That's not a role I got here.
[ANTI-CLIMATIC.]
Shit, I even asked one of our hosts for details our first week, and they said there was no Editor role. So I ... [A flicker of emotion, and an unexpected pause. He hides both of them as best he can.] I panicked.
[...]
The only reason my castle got a happy ending is we were willing to suffer through it. Losing people. Killing a bunch. Acknowledging that the ugly solution would be the one to bring everyone back.
[... And it's here that Sanji switches out of his distant narration, fixing Yin Yu with a frank, near unapologetic gaze. He won't look away if the other man is determined to know the truth of it.]
I don't know what Yasusada told you, but we didn't go after you because of Giyuu. Sure, there was a chance you killed him. There was also an equal chance you didn't. [There was always going to be the chance that their mark was wrong. That was never the point.] I still told him to do what was necessary, especially when he mentioned you were a strong fighter. Someone who could hold his own in an honorable battle.
Because I decided early on I'd kill as many of you bastards as I needed to, to keep the teams even and prolong the game, until we could figure out a solution that would bring everyone back.
[Yin Yu wasn't a target, really. He was just a logistical sacrifice.]
no subject
but... in the end, it didn't matter, after all.
in a way, it's sort of poetic. that's the kind of life that yin yu has always lived; an unnoticeable shadow, an unknowable person, always designed to go out with a fizzle and never with a bang. it's almost laughable, in a pathetic sort of way.
yin yu is quiet for a long moment. mask on his face, sanji can't see his expression, but it hasn't changed much, as he processes the story. and there's a moment, a flare in his chest, where it hurts. (he had long pushed that hurt and pain away from him, because it had only caused him trouble, for so long. only recently was the softer, vulnerable heart he'd had when he was a god started to find its way to the surface again, only to be cut down. it's to be expected.)
when yin yu finally speaks again, his voice is neutral, quiet. ] ...You both used that word. "Honorable." I don't know if I would call the conditions of that battle anywhere near 'honorable': I would like to request that you would both stop calling it that.
What was so honorable about you lying to me? Was Yasusada telling me that it was about Tomioka supposed to soften the blow? It took me prodding at him the night of to even begin to tell me it was for this 'Okita-san'. And I know that Yasusada wasn't allowed to speak of what he had done, but this lie of yours just caused more confusion amongst the living, especially when we don't know who killed Tomioka in the first place.
[ there's a little frustration starting to leak through his voice, but, yin yu stops himself, and sighs. he lifts his mask up, reaching up to rub his forehead with two fingers, taking a deep breath. still water. your heart is still water. ]
...I'm not angry with either of you. It's not really about my life, or Tomioka, or the living. [ he says, quietly, as he finishes, because he really isn't angry. not at sanji, or yasusada, really. at the camp. at the island. at the hundreds of years of failure on his belt. ] I understand what it means to want to win, especially in this situation. I want to win as much as you two do, and that was something I have been working towards in my own right since the beginning. It's something I will continue to work for with everything I have here, now.
...The matter of me being 'chosen', for the reasons you've given, doesn't matter to me. In the barest of logic, it was a good point, although the use of powers on either end didn't make any of it feel particularly honorable. What mattered was how cowardly of the both of you it was to lie to me, and then to be reticent when I ask for answers when the deed has been done. [ yin yu finally gives a small shrug of his shoulders. his mask turns back to look at sanji, properly. ] To me, that was more dishonorable than being killed ever could have been.
That's why I sought you out again, and I'm glad that you told me this: it means a lot to me, and you have my deepest gratitude for doing so.
[ there's a quiet, reflective pause, and his tone softens. ] ...I meant what I said, that we have to work together now. No running or hiding-- and that goes both for the two of you, and for myself. [ you have to live in the present moment. maybe it's high time he confronted some of his own troubles, too. ] I'd like to put it behind all three of us, and move towards a common goal.
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But fine. If you wanna call it what it was -- [murder, plain and simple] -- you got it.
[Sanji himself would have played dirty, stabbed Yin Yu in the back, done whatever was necessary to take him down, because there isn't really honor among pirates and all. Not when the game has so much at stake. So Yin Yu's frustration is noted with a tilt of the man's head before he just nods without much commentary.
(Does he feel it in his soul to be guilty, Sanji wonders at himself... Does Yin Yu's frustration actually reach him? He's done nothing but hit the ground running since he started this bullshit, moving people on the chess board like pawns, and even being faced with the man whom he condemned to death for the sake of the whole... Well. There's not a note of emotion in his chest, though maybe that's just the numbness settling into place.
... The castle really did change him for the worst.)
A cluck of his tongue. The chef drums his fingers along the table.]
You call it cowardly. I call it not opening my shitty mouth in public when I wasn't sure what I could or couldn't say. [The only part of that reply that Sanji seems to have issue with, judged by how his visible eye narrows. But it's not such a sticking point that he decides to dwell on it. Yin Yu is allowed his feelings on the matter, even if Sanji disagrees.]
You're not wrong, though. [A hand goes up to cup at his chin while the man sighs and leans his weight into his upturned knee] I miscalculated -- nah. I just fucked up. Didn't think that someone would actually take me on and actually survive. And then that lie ran away with Yasusada when he was left by himself...
[So it's no surprise that from what Sanji's heard, most of the living assumed it was a revenge kill and judged him accordingly. After all, it got his friend killed for nothing; an ugly truth he'll have to hang around his neck like a noose forever. The fatigue hits him like a slow-building curse, and Sanji sighs it out, feeling much older than twenty-one]
Anyway, I've got no issues working together. Kinda ruins my shitty plans if we all stay dead. [Still sounding vaguely surprised Yin Yu didn't throw the peace offering back in his face after a lengthy explanation of "surprise, we ran the numbers and you were the unlucky winner".]
... You're pretty damn reasonable for someone who should want to kick my ass.
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it's a start.
at sanji's last comment, he huffs a soft half laugh. ] ...I have lived for three centuries, young master. If I have learned anything, it is that begrudging others only causes pain.
[ after all, quietly, he had begrudged quan yizhen for his talent. for his ability. for the way that he overcame yin yu like it was nothing, because to him, it was nothing, and that ugly, quiet grudge reared its head and ruined his life. he still wants to hate yizhen, but deep down, yin yu knows the only person he blames for such situations is himself. he's had enough garbage happen in his life that being beheaded for no reason is really just another layer of icing on the cake. ] Though, if you would like me to do so [ kick his ass, that is ] I am fairly certain that I could provide.
[ it's said a little more lightly. he's pretty sure he could take sanji in a fight, weapons or no weapons. unlike yasusada, yin yu wouldn't have needed a sword; his specialties have been in hand to hand for centuries.
but there's a brief pause after that, though, and the lightness disappears. ] ..besides, there were parts of this that I suppose are something close to karma.
We had a similar 'role' of sorts on the island. [ he won't doxx who it was, but that person is pretty open about it. ] Where that person was required to choose people to carry out the 'sacrifices' to be made for the ritual. I was one of the ones that they chose to kill someone, and I completed my task without being caught, in much of the same way.
[ his hand comes up to touch his throat. he barely remembers much of that night, but he remembers the aftermath. ] There was nothing particularly honorable about that, either. Whether I wanted to do it or not turned out to be irrelevant, because I did it, anyway. In some sense, I... will do my best to use this, to start to atone for that, too.
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[Sanji's as much a warrior as he is a chef, and there's no stress relief like expressing yourself with your body instead of words. Being dead doesn't change that fundamental truth in his eyes. There's even a ghost of a smirk on his face as he replies, the first moment of amusement to cut through his flat expression.]
Ah, but you're an old bastard. Got it.
[Sounding neither surprised, intrigued, or all that caring, instead falling back on a blunt assessment of the facts. Given Yin Yu's age, it actually makes sense he'd take a much more pragmatic stance on the proceedings. When you're that old, it's not like there's gonna be anything left to shock you.
If there's anything that seems to pique his interest, however, it's that last part, and his expression turns grave again.]
If your role helped save people, maybe it wasn't glamorous, but it's something that served a purpose. [Saving people... giving them a chance to live for another tomorrow... that's always going to be Sanji's bottom line. But that said--] I get wanting to atone for it anyway.
wow i love when my inbox eats notifs
...and it's good, to be something closer to even ground. the tension has evaporated, for the most part. the seriousness of the moment is more about the past and what they can do to help the future, not about the death. ultimately, to yin yu, it doesn't matter.
the comment about serving a purpose puts a sort of amused look on his face, if a little darkly, though it's not visible. if only he knew. ] ...serving a purpose and completing tasks is what I have always done, to the best of my ability. At the time, I didn't know it would save much of anyone, short of the eleven of us who would be allowed to survive.
Ultimately, I know that person is here, and that person deserves far more of a kind ending than what I - and what this place - has chosen to give him.
[ logically, he knows he can't atone. no matter what happens, he will always be guilty for harming someone who had done nothing wrong, but...maybe suffering the same pain is something of a start.
mm. there's a pause, and because he didn't forget; ] That being said...If you'd like to spar some time while we are here, I would be happy to do so. My training in the martial arts and hand to hand will be more than sufficient.
[ and it might be kind of relieving, anyway, for the stress.
yin yu gives a small bow of his head. ] ...thank you, sir. For clarifying with me. I do appreciate it.
W6 || Monday
Boys, please. Use your words]
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anyway they will pass each other twice before yin yu stops. he can't really hide out much, because of these brand new, brightly colored feathers.
...and finally, the third time, he speaks up, voice quiet. ] ...So you ended up having a role after all, young master Sanji.
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[Short and to the point. He's still... a little raw from everything, which is the only reason the next self-deprecating comment sneaks out:]
Not that I did much shit to help out.
[His tail -- a tiger tail, of course - flicks from side to side, agitated]
Makes sense why I died, though. Flayn-chan was there to pacify me long enough for Magnus to ask for a duel. They knew if I struck first, I might've killed him.
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...he's not sure how to feel. mostly just numb, and exhausted. any anger is so beyond him at this point. magnus made the final blow... trying to picture flayn fighting sanji had admittedly put a little fear in his heart. not that it absolves anything, but that's two that he knows she participated in that... ultimately, were others protecting her from being anything more than an accomplice.
eventually, he sighs. ] ...If you're angry at her for participating, you can take it out on me.
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[Voice quiet, tired, but there is still sincerity present. No part of him is radiating killing intent.]
It'd make me a hypocrite. I told you before, I used to be an Editor in my last game. The only difference between her and me is that I didn't get to pick my targets.
[And Sanji supposes if there's any anger in his heart, just in general, it's that he doesn't agree with many of the picks chosen. It's pretty damn obvious those on the boat very purposefully avoided targeting themselves out of loyalty. Does Sanji understand it? Yes, of course he does, he never would have targeted Belph or Steph if he could help it --
But the fact that children were picked instead -- Zenitsu especially -- has put such a foul taste in his mouth.
As a former killer himself, the only crime Sanji judges them all for is being too fuckin selfish.]
Besides, Flayn-chan's already received her punishment. She'll have to carry those sins for the rest of her life. And it's probably never gonna get easier -- for her, for them, for us...
[It is what it is]
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mn. this is the worst possible punishment. to live with your guilt dragging at your heels, a shadow with a heavy weight, is a cruel existence, and one that is often deserved. he knows that hurt. yin yu knows that pain. ]
...it won't. [ he's sure sanji must know, too. that same feeling of quiet exhaustion that has come from this entire farce, from the island, and from here. how many people died from his group, because half of these killers had already known each other? ridiculous. the targeting--he's long since accepted his own, but the other kills of his week left him feeling more angry than anything else, zenitsu-- the alliances, the needless amounts of death and destruction....
yin yu's so tired. he just wants this to be over.
eventually, quietly, he speaks up again: ] I don't know what this week will have in store for us. I almost hope that this creature will be as monstrous as we're all expecting it to be.
[ because he would really, really like to kill it with his bare hands. ]
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[Sanji thinks he might scream if the secret to beating the creature is through forgiveness, or being the better person despite how much they have suffered. Doesn't matter anymore if it makes him an ugly person; he's a bit tapped out as far as sympathy goes, and for once yearns for things to be straightforward and brutal. A simple solution for a simple goal.
They can only fuckin hope at this point.]
... We're almost done. The roles found who they needed to find, they're free of their responsibilities... I think it's just a waiting game at this point.
[And that -- no. Sanji immediately closes the door on the emotions that swell up in him, when he considers his former role. Sometimes skeletons are best left lurking in the closet.
And more importantly, he's just so tired]