[who knew it would be possible to affect lili more than anything else that's happened.
she starts to walk away, and sanji might have to pause and really realize - that she's hiding away in the shadow of one of the cabins nearby, hand clapped over her mouth and looking... shaky.
[... If it were anyone else, Sanji tells himself, he'd have pretended not to see for his own sake, a little too worn and bitter to be offering pep talks when he can feel his own soul starting to anguish.
This is different, though. He pauses when he catches her hand against her mouth, and after a beat of deliberation:]
Lili...?
[Will declare himself, his expression pinched with worry as he wonders closer.]
[ . . . . . she hates to be seen like this - but she can't deny that she needs to sit down. and the idea of remaining where she is, curled up in the dirt, is far more humiliating.]
.... give me your arm.
[so she doesn't topple over.
but she at least still manages to be prideful about it. perhaps that's a good sign.]
[Offering his arm immediately upon that demand. He knows Lili is a prideful woman; it's why he attempts to reel back his concern into something that won't read as judgment, and waits long enough to know her feet will hold her before he sets them off for somewhere private.]
And he'll walk as quickly as he dares, keeping his eyes sharpened up front in case they run into anyone. Somehow, Sanji figures Lili would prefer this moment be kept between themselves if she's going to be forced to share this with anyone.
They get lucky; it's an uneventful stroll. And perhaps due to how the weather is on the misty side, the garden is devoid of people. Sanji releases a grateful sigh and leads her to one of the benches, so she can sit.]
[that's rather correct. lili is going to accept it, and she doesn't seem to be all that steady just yet. it's not as if she's unused to cruelty, she's suffered plenty of it on her own, after all.
but there's something different about watching such wanton violence happen in front of her. it's cruelty, but it's also torture. giyuu is still alive. she's not sure how to feel, if that makes it worse or not.
when she sits, it takes her a moment to gather her bearings enough to say - ]
[Fucked up and sent a second person to die for no crime besides being a little bit of a jackass -- and comparatively, Guy was much more sensible than Ogata. Probably could've been a great ally here, on the side of the living.
Sanji doesn't let himself dwell on that. His gaze wanders through the garden, distantly counting all the different types of flowers he sees.
A distraction, so he doesn't get too caught up in his own disappointment, too.]
[ . . . . is that why? she breathes in, and breathes out.]
... some of that.
Some of it is - Giyuu's arm. Knowing that he spoke to me, and I told him that I didn't want anyone to get hurt, but I kept asking questions anyway. If I didn't, would his punishment have been lighter?
Glancing in her direction, thoughtful and a bit sad]
... M'not gonna say those aren't important questions, but -- Giyuu could've chosen to stay silent, too. All of that shit can't fall on you.
[Maybe Lili deserves some of the blame for pressing, but even if Sanji did believe that, equal blame falls on the one who plowed ahead despite the potential consequences.]
There's no way to know what would've happened. All we got now is knowing how far we can't press without sacrifice.
[... And depressing as it is, that's still knowledge in their hands.]
[she knows that too - she knows that she can't take responsibility for someone else's actions. if it wasn't her, then someone else would've wanted to know. and maybe he would've said something regardless anyway.
but she'd done the same thing with akira. she'd told him to share his theory, because she hates secrets, and akira dealt with the brunt of it too.
it makes her wonder if she should say anything at all.]
We're all paying the price for it. That's how the game works.
[It's not just those who press for answers. Those who remain silent must watch, and wonder if they'll be next, and then start to fear. Then they lose trust. And then the game ends, usually, in failure.]
... Back in the castle, there was a trial where... heh. We really fucked up. Three people got sent to the chopping block in a three-way tie. Only of them was the murderer, another got coerced into the bullshit, and then an innocent. And we were one or two people away from losing the ending we wanted.
[his weariness finally has him sit next to her, legs spread out as he sighs and stares directly up at the sky]
I have no shitty clue how we recovered for that. It really felt like that was the end.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 2, sunday
she starts to walk away, and sanji might have to pause and really realize - that she's hiding away in the shadow of one of the cabins nearby, hand clapped over her mouth and looking... shaky.
apparently even she has limits.]
no subject
This is different, though. He pauses when he catches her hand against her mouth, and after a beat of deliberation:]
Lili...?
[Will declare himself, his expression pinched with worry as he wonders closer.]
Oi, c'mon. Let's sit somewhere.
no subject
.... give me your arm.
[so she doesn't topple over.
but she at least still manages to be prideful about it. perhaps that's a good sign.]
no subject
Tell me where to go.
no subject
The garden, for now.
[she doesn't want to linger by the bonfire any longer.]
no subject
And he'll walk as quickly as he dares, keeping his eyes sharpened up front in case they run into anyone. Somehow, Sanji figures Lili would prefer this moment be kept between themselves if she's going to be forced to share this with anyone.
They get lucky; it's an uneventful stroll. And perhaps due to how the weather is on the misty side, the garden is devoid of people. Sanji releases a grateful sigh and leads her to one of the benches, so she can sit.]
... How you feeling?
no subject
but there's something different about watching such wanton violence happen in front of her. it's cruelty, but it's also torture. giyuu is still alive. she's not sure how to feel, if that makes it worse or not.
when she sits, it takes her a moment to gather her bearings enough to say - ]
Angry.
[ . . . ]
Devastated.
[both.]
no subject
[Fucked up and sent a second person to die for no crime besides being a little bit of a jackass -- and comparatively, Guy was much more sensible than Ogata. Probably could've been a great ally here, on the side of the living.
Sanji doesn't let himself dwell on that. His gaze wanders through the garden, distantly counting all the different types of flowers he sees.
A distraction, so he doesn't get too caught up in his own disappointment, too.]
no subject
... some of that.
Some of it is - Giyuu's arm. Knowing that he spoke to me, and I told him that I didn't want anyone to get hurt, but I kept asking questions anyway. If I didn't, would his punishment have been lighter?
Would it have mattered?
no subject
Glancing in her direction, thoughtful and a bit sad]
... M'not gonna say those aren't important questions, but -- Giyuu could've chosen to stay silent, too. All of that shit can't fall on you.
[Maybe Lili deserves some of the blame for pressing, but even if Sanji did believe that, equal blame falls on the one who plowed ahead despite the potential consequences.]
There's no way to know what would've happened. All we got now is knowing how far we can't press without sacrifice.
[... And depressing as it is, that's still knowledge in their hands.]
no subject
but she'd done the same thing with akira. she'd told him to share his theory, because she hates secrets, and akira dealt with the brunt of it too.
it makes her wonder if she should say anything at all.]
.... right.
It's still... cruel.
[it's still frustrating.]
no subject
[...]
We're all paying the price for it. That's how the game works.
[It's not just those who press for answers. Those who remain silent must watch, and wonder if they'll be next, and then start to fear. Then they lose trust. And then the game ends, usually, in failure.]
... Back in the castle, there was a trial where... heh. We really fucked up. Three people got sent to the chopping block in a three-way tie. Only of them was the murderer, another got coerced into the bullshit, and then an innocent. And we were one or two people away from losing the ending we wanted.
[his weariness finally has him sit next to her, legs spread out as he sighs and stares directly up at the sky]
I have no shitty clue how we recovered for that. It really felt like that was the end.