[that's rather correct. lili is going to accept it, and she doesn't seem to be all that steady just yet. it's not as if she's unused to cruelty, she's suffered plenty of it on her own, after all.
but there's something different about watching such wanton violence happen in front of her. it's cruelty, but it's also torture. giyuu is still alive. she's not sure how to feel, if that makes it worse or not.
when she sits, it takes her a moment to gather her bearings enough to say - ]
[Fucked up and sent a second person to die for no crime besides being a little bit of a jackass -- and comparatively, Guy was much more sensible than Ogata. Probably could've been a great ally here, on the side of the living.
Sanji doesn't let himself dwell on that. His gaze wanders through the garden, distantly counting all the different types of flowers he sees.
A distraction, so he doesn't get too caught up in his own disappointment, too.]
[ . . . . is that why? she breathes in, and breathes out.]
... some of that.
Some of it is - Giyuu's arm. Knowing that he spoke to me, and I told him that I didn't want anyone to get hurt, but I kept asking questions anyway. If I didn't, would his punishment have been lighter?
Glancing in her direction, thoughtful and a bit sad]
... M'not gonna say those aren't important questions, but -- Giyuu could've chosen to stay silent, too. All of that shit can't fall on you.
[Maybe Lili deserves some of the blame for pressing, but even if Sanji did believe that, equal blame falls on the one who plowed ahead despite the potential consequences.]
There's no way to know what would've happened. All we got now is knowing how far we can't press without sacrifice.
[... And depressing as it is, that's still knowledge in their hands.]
[she knows that too - she knows that she can't take responsibility for someone else's actions. if it wasn't her, then someone else would've wanted to know. and maybe he would've said something regardless anyway.
but she'd done the same thing with akira. she'd told him to share his theory, because she hates secrets, and akira dealt with the brunt of it too.
it makes her wonder if she should say anything at all.]
We're all paying the price for it. That's how the game works.
[It's not just those who press for answers. Those who remain silent must watch, and wonder if they'll be next, and then start to fear. Then they lose trust. And then the game ends, usually, in failure.]
... Back in the castle, there was a trial where... heh. We really fucked up. Three people got sent to the chopping block in a three-way tie. Only of them was the murderer, another got coerced into the bullshit, and then an innocent. And we were one or two people away from losing the ending we wanted.
[his weariness finally has him sit next to her, legs spread out as he sighs and stares directly up at the sky]
I have no shitty clue how we recovered for that. It really felt like that was the end.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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but there's something different about watching such wanton violence happen in front of her. it's cruelty, but it's also torture. giyuu is still alive. she's not sure how to feel, if that makes it worse or not.
when she sits, it takes her a moment to gather her bearings enough to say - ]
Angry.
[ . . . ]
Devastated.
[both.]
no subject
[Fucked up and sent a second person to die for no crime besides being a little bit of a jackass -- and comparatively, Guy was much more sensible than Ogata. Probably could've been a great ally here, on the side of the living.
Sanji doesn't let himself dwell on that. His gaze wanders through the garden, distantly counting all the different types of flowers he sees.
A distraction, so he doesn't get too caught up in his own disappointment, too.]
no subject
... some of that.
Some of it is - Giyuu's arm. Knowing that he spoke to me, and I told him that I didn't want anyone to get hurt, but I kept asking questions anyway. If I didn't, would his punishment have been lighter?
Would it have mattered?
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Glancing in her direction, thoughtful and a bit sad]
... M'not gonna say those aren't important questions, but -- Giyuu could've chosen to stay silent, too. All of that shit can't fall on you.
[Maybe Lili deserves some of the blame for pressing, but even if Sanji did believe that, equal blame falls on the one who plowed ahead despite the potential consequences.]
There's no way to know what would've happened. All we got now is knowing how far we can't press without sacrifice.
[... And depressing as it is, that's still knowledge in their hands.]
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but she'd done the same thing with akira. she'd told him to share his theory, because she hates secrets, and akira dealt with the brunt of it too.
it makes her wonder if she should say anything at all.]
.... right.
It's still... cruel.
[it's still frustrating.]
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[...]
We're all paying the price for it. That's how the game works.
[It's not just those who press for answers. Those who remain silent must watch, and wonder if they'll be next, and then start to fear. Then they lose trust. And then the game ends, usually, in failure.]
... Back in the castle, there was a trial where... heh. We really fucked up. Three people got sent to the chopping block in a three-way tie. Only of them was the murderer, another got coerced into the bullshit, and then an innocent. And we were one or two people away from losing the ending we wanted.
[his weariness finally has him sit next to her, legs spread out as he sighs and stares directly up at the sky]
I have no shitty clue how we recovered for that. It really felt like that was the end.