[Baren hiding something that's definitely fucking him up? Must be a day that ends in Y.
This is entirely the case when he wakes up in Magatus, finds a mark - the kanji for a name that's dead to him, Kumou Baren - burning on the inside of his wrist, and immediately scowls about it. Well that's going to make modeling harder for a bit, isn't it. He pulls his glove back on over it, covering it effectively and heading into town.
But as he's questioning the villagers, just like he did back in February, he finds himself distracted as he catches sight of Sanji.
He waves a hand for his attention and immediately asks - ]
Hey Sanj, did you get abducted by wolves again recently.
[casual conversation hey what's up good to see you too]
[No "Hello", no "The fuck you doin' in this shit of a town again?", just a neutral response coupled with a flat expression. He's not being obtuse on purpose, either, it's because--]
Can't remember anything after the cave.
[More annoying is he's lost sight of Penelope, but that's fine; that girl can take better care of herself than Sanji can take care of his own shit. Baren, however--
Well... The blond squints with immediate suspicion.]
[Okay, now he's being obtuse. Don't get your knickers in a twist, though, as he's already halfway finished flashing Baren the back of his left wrist, showing off an intricate tattoo that's glowing a deep, unsettling red]
[ . . . that wasn't a sincere question, but he'll answer it anyway. Baren sighs then and is about to suggest that they split up - when one of the villagers seems to notice the two of them.
"Others from out of town? At this rate all of you will be crowding in the forest...."
And then walks away like the helpful NPC they are.
Funny that; I'm the only one who can start 'em on demand, too.
[of course Sanji's coming along, it's piss cold and he refuses to stay in place. The woods aren't far, either, quickly swallowing the men once they venture in.]
[ - which is good, because even on the walk over, Baren's condition is worsening. It's subtle, the way that his face warms and he feels his body temperature rise at an unusual pace. It makes him furrow his brow only slightly, but otherwise does not express his discomfort.
He can ignore a sickness for now.
The trees look menacing and he becomes increasingly aware of the mark he was left with.]
[A noncommittal sound, what Sanji's best at in these situations. And it's not a lie, per se -- whatever Sanji is feeling, he doesn't care enough to answer immediately, though his stare narrows in on their surroundings.
Did the trees always coil this tightly around them? He feels smothered in ways that reminds him of a past better left buried. Unbidden, he scratches at the mark on the underside of his wrist]
A little tired.
[-- And then abruptly, a curl of laughter that doesn't come from Baren]
Just tired? Please, you feel like complete ass and you know it.
[The noncommittal is fine. Baren doesn't care about nonanswers for their deal, so long as Sanji doesn't tell an outright lie.
Which is why the curl of laughter confuses him, along with the statement. He blinks, quickly decides it's not a lie because he'd take Sanji's word over a tree's, but still scowls at the interruption. Immediately his hand itches for the hilt of a sword, if only because he takes issue with anyone insulting or speaking for Sanji - ]
I did. The hell is this? Hey, don't wander too far—
Pretending to care about someone else again? You really should know better by now.
[He's quick to shove the shock right off his face at the first opportunity, refusing to listen to his heartbeat drumming irritably in his ribcage. Hands in pockets, scoff on his lips -- if he sneers hard enough then the world isn't going to end yet, and he addresses Baren with forced flippancy.]
Trees are playing mind games. Guess the wolves fucked off and they needed a new gimmick.
Oh? That's the best excuse you got? [The voices seem to come from the bark, from every direction] You couldn't be honest if your dead mother paid you.
[-- Has Baren ever seen Sanji move so fast? It doesn't matter which tree it is, but there's very suddenly a foot meeting it, with such force that the wood doesn't even crack, it just explodes into splinters and ash. After a shudder, what's left of it falls like timber and makes the ground shake.
Then he lowers his foot, glowing a dull red that reaches up to his pant leg. Fire has begun to gather around, and his voice is... quiet.]
[You couldn't be honest if your dead mother paid you.
It's meant for Sanji - but Baren stops in his tracks too, the look of surprise washing over his face. There's no judgment, rather there's only an open moment of distress as if he's the one who's been found out—
And then the tree is ash. Baren wonders if he blinks and the rest of the forest will be in flames - and something in his chest aches at the idea. People need the wood from these trees, once whatever curse on them is lifted. Something in his ribcage twists as he reaches out to Sanji's shoulder and in a calmness to contrast Sanji's rage:]
The villagers don't need you destroying all their firewood, Sanj.
[Oh he could not give less of a shit about firewood or consequences, just as long as he kicks the trees hard enough to bleed, and for a moment Sanji's expression contorts, as if to turn his fury on whoever's got the balls to hold him back.
-- And then he's not allowed even that much, is he, when the trees angle for a new target. He hears what they say (of course he does, Sanji has always listened, even if he chose not to speak), and doubles down with a snarl]
You still wanna defend these shits?! I don't even care if it's true, I don't need to hear it if it's not from you!
[That's always been their way. It wasn't fuckin wrong. And he'll be damned if he stands here letting a shitty forest oak talk smack while he can do something about it--]
Burning the forest won't change a damn thing. You're still gonna wake up and be you, right? Even your family couldn't stand you -- it's why you fucked off and keep running away from everyone.
How long's it gonna last with Yusuke, eh? Two months? Maybe three? Go on, pretend to be optimistic, we dare you.
[And that-- seems to slap the fire right off of him, as Sanji's face turns pale]
[Baren opens his mouth to snap back because it's not about defending, it's about the fact that if Sanji burns the damn forest down then other people will have to suffer for it for no reason. They can handle their shit and no one else should have to pay that price. It's Baren inability to look away from the big picture -
Up until that second where he watches Sanji's face turn pale.
And it doesn't matter if the voice came from one direction, or multiple, but Baren unsheathes the knife that he carries with him - concealed, of course - and stabs it into the nearest oak if it means that it'll do anything to shut the trees up for even a second.]
Violence, violence, because that's all a beast's capable of doing!
[He ignores it. He snaps his fingers in front of Sanji's face if it means bringing him back to earth and forces their gazes to lock:]
Look at me.
[ - Yusuke, huh? Baren saw that coming, even if he didn't know it was official. What a way to find out. Still, he doesn't see how that makes a difference.]
Don't let these dipshits play you.
Isn't that hysterical? Coming from someone who doesn't even know if he can love the person who's given him everything! Just hurry up and admit that you're broken.
[His wince is small.
But it's there.]
WOW THIS WAS A RUDE THING TO WAKE UP TO, I TELL YA
[Oh no worries, Baren. Sanji's fine, just look at him, having fallen so far from his temper tantrum that his expression reads blank and lost. He'll look at Baren because his friend demands it, but then it means he gets front seat viewing to Baren's little wince.
... They are such a fuckin pair right now.]
S'fine, they're not telling me shit I don't know.
[Which is the only card he thinks he has left in his hand, to be a dismissive prick about it. But fuck, what of it? He knows how he is, he knows--]
You're just gonna lose him and everyone else 'cause you can't keep your shit together.
[Yeah. That. Too bad it's lot harder to threaten the forest now that Baren's knocked him from his high, and he... shrugs, moving to stick his hands in his pockets.
Baren might see a bright flash of red from the underside of Sanji's wrist if he's paying attention.]
It's easier to pay attention to other people, it's what he's always done. Easier to take care of others than to take care of himself, because they deserve it more than he does. So even with the ache of the words that he knows - that he still hates to hear - he tells Sanji something simple:]
You know how sometimes you don't listen to me even when I'm being truthful, even when we made a deal - I need you to cut that shit out.
Because I'm starting to run out of people who'll listen to me, and I can't afford to lose you too.
[ - "You're not going to lose me."
If that sort of thing matters.
The trees seem to pick up on it as they snicker.]
There's the self-important grandstanding. Act like you have all the answers, make people rely on you, and maybe they'll ignore how desperate you are not to be left alone.
Why do you keep reaching for what you know you don't deserve?
[Even though he expects it, Baren's brow furrows in response to the taunts, his expression twisting for just a second into something that looks - younger, more lost.
His fingers press into his palm, a poor substitute when he only wants to look for a hand to hold.]
[That's a hiss aimed at the trees, for the record, even if it's a few degrees below the kind of anger he normally pulls out.
And it's no coincidence that he decided to lash out instead of responding to Baren's kindness outside of a flickered stare, the briefest pause of vulnerability before averting his gaze.
A gun could be placed at his temple and he still wouldn't know how to respond to open kindness, Baren. You fuckin know that.]
... Oi, c'mon.
[He grabs Baren's wrist -- not hand, he doesn't know how to do that either -- and starts pulling in the direction of the village, will put effort into it if Baren starts getting uppity with him.]
Oh? Running already? Didn't take long.
Yeah, you're damn right I am. [Pushing Baren to the front of him, and standing like a barrier between him and as many trees he can manage] If there's no point to this bullshit, we're leaving.
[He's not going to stand here with a thumb up his ass, listening to them rag on one of the few friends he's got.]
[ - he just barely manages to collect his knife from the tree before he gets pulled along and.
Sanji doesn't need to know how to grab onto Baren's hand. Baren will feel his heart leap up to his throat, clawing and lodging itself there, preventing him from speaking his gratitude.
It's hard to walk away from something you think you deserve - the pushing and the pushing to the breaking point where Baren thinks Sanji will focus in on that reason to leave him. His fever starts to settle in as the mark on his wrist spreads even underneath Sanji's touch, growing and stinging even as Baren tries to obscure his expression into a passive mask.
It may or may not do much, given how he feels his composure starting to break.]
He thinks it's bullshit? Where did that faith come from? Doesn't he know that he's trying to save a failure? Someone whose heart is so twisted that he torments his own blood? Doesn't this deceit make you just like your cheating father, Baren Kumou?
[Baren bites his own tongue so hard in that moment that he tastes iron. A snap judgment could acknowledge it as truth, could make that connection real, could let loose a secret that he's been holding onto for a decade.
Instead his hand just twists to catch Sanji's wrist, as if asking him not to let go.]
Tch!! Like I need to hear this from overgrown firewood!
[The fact Baren isn't the one talking doesn't escape his notice, and Sanji feels his voice bolstered from that truth, making a target of himself as he snaps back a retort. The fury's building back up, forever his shield and sword when he needs them most.
His hand squeezes around Baren's wrist -- he knows, idiot.]
He's no more his father than I am mine, and believe me, that piece of shit tried.
[Has he ever talked about his father in front of anyone? No, never, Sanji can't remember the last time the bastard came up. But if he has to speak of him to save a friend, then he'll do it wth the hatred of a broken childhood long lost to him.]
Even if he was a failure, it's fine -- [A comically lax shrug, contrasted to the heat in his voice] I'm one, too. We'll figure it out.
[The mark imprinted on Baren's wrist stings, as if condemning his silence -
But even now, Baren never expects someone to speak on his behalf like this, never expects a defense this strong for someone like him. He feels the fever, knows it's the curse, understands that the trees have something to do with it, but... for a few indulgent, selfish seconds he wants to remember this. This moment where Sanji is defending him despite knowing nothing.
... if he knew the truth, would that matter?
They begin to exit the woods and Baren only starts to find his voice again, if only because these words are easy.]
... you're not a failure, Sanj.
[The trees laugh. They mock them. Even as Baren starts to feel uneasy on his feet, his mind still races to figure out what he can do to stop this - to heal himself. He was there when it happened to Odasaku, right. He can reference that. He just needs to -
Admit it.
If Sanji knew the truth, would he still defend him?]
I need something from you.
[Is Baren enough of a coward to live in a lie, if it means comfort?
How badly does he want to hold onto this?
His wrist still burns, this time from where Sanji is holding it.]
But of course there isn't. Sanji's strengths play towards the defense of others, to anyone he deems worthy. Kindness, some might say, though fuck if he'd ever use that word.
That's only toward others, however. Never for himself. This man didn't learn how to play in the sandbox with his own demons.
It's a thought he quickly ships out to sea with practiced ease, because this isn't about him anymore, he insists. Baren needs to get out of this forest. He's been quiet for so long, warning signs that the trees are hitting their target.
So when he slows, it's only upon hearing his friend pipe up a second time, speaking with a gravity that puts the weight of the crossroads in Sanji's bones.
He remembers the last time Baren had asked something of him.]
Name it.
[So he matches tone for tone, cutting a blazing stare over his shoulder that shows how much he means it. Name it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sometime in april | action
This is entirely the case when he wakes up in Magatus, finds a mark - the kanji for a name that's dead to him, Kumou Baren - burning on the inside of his wrist, and immediately scowls about it. Well that's going to make modeling harder for a bit, isn't it. He pulls his glove back on over it, covering it effectively and heading into town.
But as he's questioning the villagers, just like he did back in February, he finds himself distracted as he catches sight of Sanji.
He waves a hand for his attention and immediately asks - ]
Hey Sanj, did you get abducted by wolves again recently.
[casual conversation hey what's up good to see you too]
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[No "Hello", no "The fuck you doin' in this shit of a town again?", just a neutral response coupled with a flat expression. He's not being obtuse on purpose, either, it's because--]
Can't remember anything after the cave.
[More annoying is he's lost sight of Penelope, but that's fine; that girl can take better care of herself than Sanji can take care of his own shit. Baren, however--
Well... The blond squints with immediate suspicion.]
Did you?
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No, but I heard a wolf howl when I woke up in the cave.
[hence why baren wonders if he got abducted again???? hm.]
Did you wake up with a new tattoo?
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[Okay, now he's being obtuse. Don't get your knickers in a twist, though, as he's already halfway finished flashing Baren the back of his left wrist, showing off an intricate tattoo that's glowing a deep, unsettling red]
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Baren makes a soft whistling noise - ]
Oh.
Yeah. [Yeah, he did too, or....?]
That looks nasty. Any clues on how to get rid of it?
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[His hands find his pockets again, flexing the fingers to build up some warmth.]
Why the hell do you think I'm out here playing nice with the locals?
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[ . . . that wasn't a sincere question, but he'll answer it anyway. Baren sighs then and is about to suggest that they split up - when one of the villagers seems to notice the two of them.
"Others from out of town? At this rate all of you will be crowding in the forest...."
And then walks away like the helpful NPC they are.
Baren blinks.]
... So the forest?
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So long as no one expects that shitty forest to still be standing if I go in.
[Gotta lay down those expectations early]
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[JUST SAYING.
he'll actually wander off in the direction of the forest though, fully expecting sanji to come along?]
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[of course Sanji's coming along, it's piss cold and he refuses to stay in place. The woods aren't far, either, quickly swallowing the men once they venture in.]
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He can ignore a sickness for now.
The trees look menacing and he becomes increasingly aware of the mark he was left with.]
Feel any different, Sanj?
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[A noncommittal sound, what Sanji's best at in these situations. And it's not a lie, per se -- whatever Sanji is feeling, he doesn't care enough to answer immediately, though his stare narrows in on their surroundings.
Did the trees always coil this tightly around them? He feels smothered in ways that reminds him of a past better left buried. Unbidden, he scratches at the mark on the underside of his wrist]
A little tired.
[-- And then abruptly, a curl of laughter that doesn't come from Baren]
Just tired? Please, you feel like complete ass and you know it.
[That's enough to get Sanji jerking to a stop]
-- The fuck, did you hear that?
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Which is why the curl of laughter confuses him, along with the statement. He blinks, quickly decides it's not a lie because he'd take Sanji's word over a tree's, but still scowls at the interruption. Immediately his hand itches for the hilt of a sword, if only because he takes issue with anyone insulting or speaking for Sanji - ]
I did. The hell is this? Hey, don't wander too far—
Pretending to care about someone else again? You really should know better by now.
[Misery loves company, so.]
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[He's quick to shove the shock right off his face at the first opportunity, refusing to listen to his heartbeat drumming irritably in his ribcage. Hands in pockets, scoff on his lips -- if he sneers hard enough then the world isn't going to end yet, and he addresses Baren with forced flippancy.]
Trees are playing mind games. Guess the wolves fucked off and they needed a new gimmick.
Oh? That's the best excuse you got? [The voices seem to come from the bark, from every direction] You couldn't be honest if your dead mother paid you.
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Then he lowers his foot, glowing a dull red that reaches up to his pant leg. Fire has begun to gather around, and his voice is... quiet.]
Fine. We'll do this the hard way.
[Did you think he was kidding?
He will burn the forest to the ground]
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It's meant for Sanji - but Baren stops in his tracks too, the look of surprise washing over his face. There's no judgment, rather there's only an open moment of distress as if he's the one who's been found out—
And then the tree is ash. Baren wonders if he blinks and the rest of the forest will be in flames - and something in his chest aches at the idea. People need the wood from these trees, once whatever curse on them is lifted. Something in his ribcage twists as he reaches out to Sanji's shoulder and in a calmness to contrast Sanji's rage:]
The villagers don't need you destroying all their firewood, Sanj.
[Sense, logic, rationality. Long-term consequences. Maybe that'll appeal.
Even as the trees seem to laugh at them, now poking fun at Baren.]
Are those the calculating, manipulative methods your mother dearest taught you? It figures that this is all you'd be able to amount to.
[Baren's hand on Sanji's shoulder tightens once - automatically, uncomfortably - before he pulls it away.]
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-- And then he's not allowed even that much, is he, when the trees angle for a new target. He hears what they say (of course he does, Sanji has always listened, even if he chose not to speak), and doubles down with a snarl]
You still wanna defend these shits?! I don't even care if it's true, I don't need to hear it if it's not from you!
[That's always been their way. It wasn't fuckin wrong. And he'll be damned if he stands here letting a shitty forest oak talk smack while he can do something about it--]
Burning the forest won't change a damn thing. You're still gonna wake up and be you, right? Even your family couldn't stand you -- it's why you fucked off and keep running away from everyone.
How long's it gonna last with Yusuke, eh? Two months? Maybe three? Go on, pretend to be optimistic, we dare you.
[And that-- seems to slap the fire right off of him, as Sanji's face turns pale]
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Up until that second where he watches Sanji's face turn pale.
And it doesn't matter if the voice came from one direction, or multiple, but Baren unsheathes the knife that he carries with him - concealed, of course - and stabs it into the nearest oak if it means that it'll do anything to shut the trees up for even a second.]
Violence, violence, because that's all a beast's capable of doing!
[He ignores it. He snaps his fingers in front of Sanji's face if it means bringing him back to earth and forces their gazes to lock:]
Look at me.
[ - Yusuke, huh? Baren saw that coming, even if he didn't know it was official. What a way to find out. Still, he doesn't see how that makes a difference.]
Don't let these dipshits play you.
Isn't that hysterical? Coming from someone who doesn't even know if he can love the person who's given him everything!
Just hurry up and admit that you're broken.
[His wince is small.
But it's there.]
WOW THIS WAS A RUDE THING TO WAKE UP TO, I TELL YA
... They are such a fuckin pair right now.]
S'fine, they're not telling me shit I don't know.
[Which is the only card he thinks he has left in his hand, to be a dismissive prick about it. But fuck, what of it? He knows how he is, he knows--]
You're just gonna lose him and everyone else 'cause you can't keep your shit together.
[Yeah. That. Too bad it's lot harder to threaten the forest now that Baren's knocked him from his high, and he... shrugs, moving to stick his hands in his pockets.
Baren might see a bright flash of red from the underside of Sanji's wrist if he's paying attention.]
WE'RE ONLY GOING TO GET RUDER FROM HERE
It's easier to pay attention to other people, it's what he's always done. Easier to take care of others than to take care of himself, because they deserve it more than he does. So even with the ache of the words that he knows - that he still hates to hear - he tells Sanji something simple:]
You know how sometimes you don't listen to me even when I'm being truthful, even when we made a deal - I need you to cut that shit out.
Because I'm starting to run out of people who'll listen to me, and I can't afford to lose you too.
[ - "You're not going to lose me."
If that sort of thing matters.
The trees seem to pick up on it as they snicker.]
There's the self-important grandstanding. Act like you have all the answers, make people rely on you, and maybe they'll ignore how desperate you are not to be left alone.
Why do you keep reaching for what you know you don't deserve?
[Even though he expects it, Baren's brow furrows in response to the taunts, his expression twisting for just a second into something that looks - younger, more lost.
His fingers press into his palm, a poor substitute when he only wants to look for a hand to hold.]
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[That's a hiss aimed at the trees, for the record, even if it's a few degrees below the kind of anger he normally pulls out.
And it's no coincidence that he decided to lash out instead of responding to Baren's kindness outside of a flickered stare, the briefest pause of vulnerability before averting his gaze.
A gun could be placed at his temple and he still wouldn't know how to respond to open kindness, Baren. You fuckin know that.]
... Oi, c'mon.
[He grabs Baren's wrist -- not hand, he doesn't know how to do that either -- and starts pulling in the direction of the village, will put effort into it if Baren starts getting uppity with him.]
Oh? Running already? Didn't take long.
Yeah, you're damn right I am. [Pushing Baren to the front of him, and standing like a barrier between him and as many trees he can manage] If there's no point to this bullshit, we're leaving.
[He's not going to stand here with a thumb up his ass, listening to them rag on one of the few friends he's got.]
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Sanji doesn't need to know how to grab onto Baren's hand. Baren will feel his heart leap up to his throat, clawing and lodging itself there, preventing him from speaking his gratitude.
It's hard to walk away from something you think you deserve - the pushing and the pushing to the breaking point where Baren thinks Sanji will focus in on that reason to leave him. His fever starts to settle in as the mark on his wrist spreads even underneath Sanji's touch, growing and stinging even as Baren tries to obscure his expression into a passive mask.
It may or may not do much, given how he feels his composure starting to break.]
He thinks it's bullshit? Where did that faith come from? Doesn't he know that he's trying to save a failure? Someone whose heart is so twisted that he torments his own blood? Doesn't this deceit make you just like your cheating father, Baren Kumou?
[Baren bites his own tongue so hard in that moment that he tastes iron. A snap judgment could acknowledge it as truth, could make that connection real, could let loose a secret that he's been holding onto for a decade.
Instead his hand just twists to catch Sanji's wrist, as if asking him not to let go.]
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[The fact Baren isn't the one talking doesn't escape his notice, and Sanji feels his voice bolstered from that truth, making a target of himself as he snaps back a retort. The fury's building back up, forever his shield and sword when he needs them most.
His hand squeezes around Baren's wrist -- he knows, idiot.]
He's no more his father than I am mine, and believe me, that piece of shit tried.
[Has he ever talked about his father in front of anyone? No, never, Sanji can't remember the last time the bastard came up. But if he has to speak of him to save a friend, then he'll do it wth the hatred of a broken childhood long lost to him.]
Even if he was a failure, it's fine -- [A comically lax shrug, contrasted to the heat in his voice] I'm one, too. We'll figure it out.
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But even now, Baren never expects someone to speak on his behalf like this, never expects a defense this strong for someone like him. He feels the fever, knows it's the curse, understands that the trees have something to do with it, but... for a few indulgent, selfish seconds he wants to remember this. This moment where Sanji is defending him despite knowing nothing.
... if he knew the truth, would that matter?
They begin to exit the woods and Baren only starts to find his voice again, if only because these words are easy.]
... you're not a failure, Sanj.
[The trees laugh. They mock them. Even as Baren starts to feel uneasy on his feet, his mind still races to figure out what he can do to stop this - to heal himself. He was there when it happened to Odasaku, right. He can reference that. He just needs to -
Admit it.
If Sanji knew the truth, would he still defend him?]
I need something from you.
[Is Baren enough of a coward to live in a lie, if it means comfort?
How badly does he want to hold onto this?
His wrist still burns, this time from where Sanji is holding it.]
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But of course there isn't. Sanji's strengths play towards the defense of others, to anyone he deems worthy. Kindness, some might say, though fuck if he'd ever use that word.
That's only toward others, however. Never for himself. This man didn't learn how to play in the sandbox with his own demons.
It's a thought he quickly ships out to sea with practiced ease, because this isn't about him anymore, he insists. Baren needs to get out of this forest. He's been quiet for so long, warning signs that the trees are hitting their target.
So when he slows, it's only upon hearing his friend pipe up a second time, speaking with a gravity that puts the weight of the crossroads in Sanji's bones.
He remembers the last time Baren had asked something of him.]
Name it.
[So he matches tone for tone, cutting a blazing stare over his shoulder that shows how much he means it. Name it.
He'll do anything.]
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