[It's very lucky that Baren's already seen hell in the form of battlefields and war torn towns. Maybe a few months ago he would've been more on edge, but this time he finds himself curious. There's a quirk of his brow coupled with the offering of one filled wine glass.]
I know him.
[he'd do anything for zoro that's not the fuckin point]
But since when do I give enough of a shit about what other people do to lecture them?
[at least the answer to that is - well, never. For all his superficial judgement and nose wrinkling, Baren's never been the type to tell another person how to live their life.]
[That's a tall order Baren's asking for, and Sanji doesn't quite "chill out" - but he does uncoil, slightly, adjusting his stance from murderous to deeply irritable. It's hard to maintain fury when there's nothing to hate.]
So what do you want then?
[Taking the glass, he settles back against the doorframe of the kitchen.]
And don't feed me some bullshit, either. [None of this "power of friendship" nonsense. He doesn't have those] I assume you're here on his behalf?
If I wanted to feed you bullshit I would've gotten you drunk before I brought up the pirate thing.
[Openly, with a laugh as Baren sits himself on the kitchen counter with his own wine glass. It's not a hand he'd normally show, but well... he can't help but feel like it'd be a poor choice to play his usual cat and mouse manipulation games with Sanji.
See - it might've been a while since they've actually caught up again, but if there's one thing that Baren trusts in it's the fact that Sanji is just as suspicious of the world as Baren is. The difference between them is that somehow Baren ended up trusting Zoro unconditionally whereas with Sanji -
Well, something clearly happened there to fuck that right up.]
Not really, he's kinda tired of you. He turned into a five year old when he found out I knew you - how I knew you.
The fuck even happened? Z's got all the finesse of a soggy bowl of cereal so I figure it's something dumb.
[Well-meaning, foolhardy, full of heart but also so fucking dumb.]
[Suspicious is the right word for it. Sanji doesn't laugh along or seem to find anything funny about this situation, at best blowing out a huff of irritation from between his lips. Much like a petulant child himself, he refuses to loosen up out of a lowkey spite that his goddamn ex is in that other bastard's corner.]
... The asshole demanded I help him find his shitty crew.
[Testing the strength of Baren's casualness with what Zoro had considered open blasphemy, and Sanji eyes the other man while turning the glass between his fingers. His eyes narrow a tick]
I told him to fuck off with that "past life" bullshit and he kicked me off his crew, like I actually cared.
[Baren would never call the crew shitty to Zoro's face because that sounds like the easiest way to get his head knocked off his shoulders.
But considering the fact that the crew are people that he's technically looking for, that he knows Zoro feels strongly about - he's more surprised that Sanji isn't making the same mad scramble to find them. He takes another sip of the glass and tilts his head.]
Not a big fan of the whole "fated" thing, huh.
[ ... well. It's not like he doesn't relate. His casualness is still strong.]
Anyway, Z's not even the captain. He doesn't get to pick who's on the crew.... or something. [A furrow of his brow. A small admittance:] I work off the shit he tells me and pirate movies.
[Said with a frankness that surprises Sanji for a moment, and then he shrugs it off, finally taking a sip of his wine.]
And get this shit -- I think I'm the chef.
[Which is fuckin delightful in how ridiculous that is; Sanji can barely boil water properly, and that's when he gives a shit about what happens to the food he's making. He almost - almost - cracks a smile]
And anyway, I wouldn't know if he's got that power or not. S'not my business. [He rolls into another shrug, takes a sip. Wash, rinse, repeat, until his tongue loosens a bit]
We weren't really friends in that vision I got, so I don't know why he's so damn adamant about me being all buddy-buddy cop with him.
[Sanji might not be able to make it all the way to cracking a smile but that gets Baren to bark out a laugh. Suddenly. It surprises him entirely but also he's cracking up - ]
Ahahaha! Serious? Dead serious?
Fuck - well, it's a coin toss if he's gonna actually keep chasing after you. Something about liking you the least of the crew, but at least the feeling seems to be mutual.
[ . . . that said, he doesn't dwell on it. If Sanji doesn't want to belong to a crew, that's up to Sanji. Baren said he'd find the strawhats, and he does believe that eventually they'll want to become a crew again with Zoro, but he doesn't force people into things they don't wanna do. It's not his thing.
Instead, he jokes - ]
Supposedly you start being able to do all the crazy shit you did in the memories so c'mon chef, cook me up something good.
[which sounds impossible since baren probably did like 98% of the cooking when they were actually together
also he can't just wander in and demand lunch what the fuck]
Oh it's mutual alright. We can't stand each other- went straight to the blows and insults.
[Let him count the ways in which he hopes Zoro trips off a cliff or something... which he tactfully neglects to mention out loud. He hasn't missed the affectionate way Baren refers to the guy, and irritating as it is to witness, that's not his hill to die on today.]
And I doubt he would. Once I pissed him off properly, he made it clear he was done with me. [And here of all places, Sanji does smile, because he's an unapproachable asshole if you don't play by his rules. That's just how it works.]
And I'm not cooking just so you can bitch about how I gave you food poisoning later! [Draining his glass in one go before he barks out of short laugh] There's barely any food here, anyway.
[He's unimpressed, but he's also gonna start going through the fridge. The cabinets. Baren's prone to wild nights out and making tabloid headlines for fun but he also has his mom friend tendencies. how the fuck are you alive, sanji.
anyway as he's?? doing that?? and making himself right at home....]
Besides, you don't really want him to take it back, do you? If you change your mind later after losing your shit on this app, I guess that's one thing but...
[a wave of his hand]
Isn't this the time to make stupid macho decisions and dig your heels in and refuse to say you're wrong?
[Stop going through his shit without permission?? Hello?? They ain't exactly dating anymore, though you couldn't tell by how Sanji just sighs and goes to nurse that bottle of wine. Fuck it, let the asshole do what he wants. At best he'll find some canned goods, some veggies that are two days from turning questionable colors.
For a guy who is surprisingly neat about his space, Sanji is an atrocity in the kitchen.
Though at those questions, Sanji. hesitates. A beat goes by in which he seems to coil back on himself, considering Baren with suspicion once more.]
... I don't need irritating people in my life. [With an ounce of sullenness] -- And oi, he's the one who blew up my phone, getting angry when I didn't immediately kiss his ass and agree the power of friendship means anything.
[yeah no give Baren an inch and he will take a mile. He is obviously halfway to despair over the state of this kitchen but doesn't say much besides pointing at the vegetables - ]
If you try to eat those, I will fight your ghost.
[JUDGMENT CAST.... as for the rest, Baren just snickers again.]
God, he's such a fucking pain in the ass but you know I meant it for the both of you. Stubborn and prideful. Sure you're right because fuck anyone who tells you otherwise.
[He'll pick up his glass again and grin. He says it like it's fact because he thinks it is - men are fuckin dumb. But - ]
I'm not calling you out, Sanj. Quit acting like I'm out to get you.
[That's all he's got to say, hmph, and greets Baren with another fidgety side-eye before his glance slides away, visibly pouting now. Listen, he knows damn well men are stupid - the fact that he dates any of them is a constant source of misery.
This shit is different. Zoro busted down the proverbial door like he belonged in his life, of course Sanji was justified in dragging his ass through the mud.
...]
Listen, I don't really give a shit what happens to that guy -- [but... but...
A sigh]
Just a word of advice; give that bastard a lesson in tact. Otherwise he's gonna chase his crew off, and he seems damned eager to find them.
[Men are so dumb and Baren hates most of them and yet here he is, listening to his ex talk about how he doesn't care at all about what happens to his pseudo husband.]
Yeah, I'll be honest. I'm looking too and I keep hoping I'll find them before he does.
... I was technically successful with you....
[sort of.]
But if he didn't chase after shit blindly and proceed to shoot himself in the foot, he wouldn't be Z. Like how you wouldn't be Sanj if you aren't a cagey difficult pain in the ass.
If you see the rest of 'em, just let me know, yeah?
[He says, casually, before he drinks straight from the wine bottle like an absolute heathen. Shut up, his mood has not improved, and it's certainly not because Baren wormed him out of his funk]
And yeah, yeah, I will. Not that I remember any of 'em right now, but he did give me a list of names to go off of.
[Ticking his fingers casually as he recites with surprising ease:] Lemme see, there was a Nami, a Luffy, a Chopper, a Robin...
[And because Baren is not Zoro, he glances over with some measure of intrigue] He tell you anything about 'em?
[He's getting a judging look for drinking straight out of that. What if he wanted more, Sanji? You've contaminated the whole goddamn thing now.
Regardless he's listening to the names and - yeah, they're pretty much the same ones he knows. There's a thoughtful moment because... this isn't Baren's information to share. But Zoro was clearly trying to get the information across to Sanji anyway, right? So it's probably not too bad to share...
He sighs.]
If he gets pissy at me for sharing his shit with you, you owe me.
[even if he won't tell zoro right away.... well. secrets are par for the course with Baren.]
Luffy's the... Captain? Apparently his limbs stretch real fuckin' far - don't ask me how, it sounds like you're going to remember some really dumb bullshit. Robin's a lady, don't know much else. Chopper is... the reindeer...? Talking reindeer.
[ . . . .
he silently holds a hand out for that wine bottle, he needs some of that if he's gonna keep going]
Nami's the one I apparently remind him of - which probably means she's gorgeous, ruthless, and prone to using Z as a packmule.
["Dumb bullshit" is uh... that's a phrase for it, yeah. Sanji's eyebrows nearly climb off his head at the mention of a talking reindeer, and he's slightly disappointed when there's no insane memory to accompany that little tidbit.
He'll switch gears to the lady, then, while handing out the wine bottle that he just so happily contaminated (because he knew it'd irritate Baren, it's the little things in life)]
Nami, eh...? Pretty name. Sounds Japanese. [With a slight smirk] I can appreciate a girl who knows how to--
[Nami-swaaaaan~! D-do you love me nooooow~? ♥
Yes, yes I do. Now open up the cage--!"]
[Well shit, Sanji sure does recoil so quickly that he sloshes a bit of wine on his T-shirt, swears at that, and then gropes at the doorframe to avoid collapsing in a confused heap on the floor.]
Whatever you were about to say, that's karma, jackass.
[NO SYMPATHY. NONE.
But he will hop off the counter to take the wine bottle back from Sanji before it gets completely destroyed. That'd be such a waste.... It gets deposited back on the counter away from harm's way while Baren snaps his fingers in front of Sanji's face.]
[WOW FUCK YOU, BAREN, HE LETS YOU INTO HIS HOME AND THEN GETS TREATED LIKE A TRASH HEAP.
Also god, the snapping, stop that. Sanji pushes the hand away once he's certain he won't fall on his ass, only to aggressively run in through his hair like he woke up from a nightmare.]
Why the shitty hell were those crocodiles so big.
[Just speaking darkly, he's seen hell today]
That chef is a nutcase--! [a pause] And yeah, Nami-sa-- Nami's pretty cute.
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I know him.
[he'd do anything for zoro that's not the fuckin point]
But since when do I give enough of a shit about what other people do to lecture them?
[at least the answer to that is - well, never. For all his superficial judgement and nose wrinkling, Baren's never been the type to tell another person how to live their life.]
So chill out, pussy cat.
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[That's a tall order Baren's asking for, and Sanji doesn't quite "chill out" - but he does uncoil, slightly, adjusting his stance from murderous to deeply irritable. It's hard to maintain fury when there's nothing to hate.]
So what do you want then?
[Taking the glass, he settles back against the doorframe of the kitchen.]
And don't feed me some bullshit, either. [None of this "power of friendship" nonsense. He doesn't have those] I assume you're here on his behalf?
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[Openly, with a laugh as Baren sits himself on the kitchen counter with his own wine glass. It's not a hand he'd normally show, but well... he can't help but feel like it'd be a poor choice to play his usual cat and mouse manipulation games with Sanji.
See - it might've been a while since they've actually caught up again, but if there's one thing that Baren trusts in it's the fact that Sanji is just as suspicious of the world as Baren is. The difference between them is that somehow Baren ended up trusting Zoro unconditionally whereas with Sanji -
Well, something clearly happened there to fuck that right up.]
Not really, he's kinda tired of you. He turned into a five year old when he found out I knew you - how I knew you.
The fuck even happened? Z's got all the finesse of a soggy bowl of cereal so I figure it's something dumb.
[Well-meaning, foolhardy, full of heart but also so fucking dumb.]
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... The asshole demanded I help him find his shitty crew.
[Testing the strength of Baren's casualness with what Zoro had considered open blasphemy, and Sanji eyes the other man while turning the glass between his fingers. His eyes narrow a tick]
I told him to fuck off with that "past life" bullshit and he kicked me off his crew, like I actually cared.
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But considering the fact that the crew are people that he's technically looking for, that he knows Zoro feels strongly about - he's more surprised that Sanji isn't making the same mad scramble to find them. He takes another sip of the glass and tilts his head.]
Not a big fan of the whole "fated" thing, huh.
[ ... well. It's not like he doesn't relate. His casualness is still strong.]
Anyway, Z's not even the captain. He doesn't get to pick who's on the crew.... or something. [A furrow of his brow. A small admittance:] I work off the shit he tells me and pirate movies.
[so he doesn't actually... know....]
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[Said with a frankness that surprises Sanji for a moment, and then he shrugs it off, finally taking a sip of his wine.]
And get this shit -- I think I'm the chef.
[Which is fuckin delightful in how ridiculous that is; Sanji can barely boil water properly, and that's when he gives a shit about what happens to the food he's making. He almost - almost - cracks a smile]
And anyway, I wouldn't know if he's got that power or not. S'not my business. [He rolls into another shrug, takes a sip. Wash, rinse, repeat, until his tongue loosens a bit]
We weren't really friends in that vision I got, so I don't know why he's so damn adamant about me being all buddy-buddy cop with him.
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Ahahaha! Serious? Dead serious?
Fuck - well, it's a coin toss if he's gonna actually keep chasing after you. Something about liking you the least of the crew, but at least the feeling seems to be mutual.
[ . . . that said, he doesn't dwell on it. If Sanji doesn't want to belong to a crew, that's up to Sanji. Baren said he'd find the strawhats, and he does believe that eventually they'll want to become a crew again with Zoro, but he doesn't force people into things they don't wanna do. It's not his thing.
Instead, he jokes - ]
Supposedly you start being able to do all the crazy shit you did in the memories so c'mon chef, cook me up something good.
[which sounds impossible since baren probably did like 98% of the cooking when they were actually together
also he can't just wander in and demand lunch what the fuck]
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[Let him count the ways in which he hopes Zoro trips off a cliff or something... which he tactfully neglects to mention out loud. He hasn't missed the affectionate way Baren refers to the guy, and irritating as it is to witness, that's not his hill to die on today.]
And I doubt he would. Once I pissed him off properly, he made it clear he was done with me. [And here of all places, Sanji does smile, because he's an unapproachable asshole if you don't play by his rules. That's just how it works.]
And I'm not cooking just so you can bitch about how I gave you food poisoning later! [Draining his glass in one go before he barks out of short laugh] There's barely any food here, anyway.
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[He's unimpressed, but he's also gonna start going through the fridge. The cabinets. Baren's prone to wild nights out and making tabloid headlines for fun but he also has his mom friend tendencies. how the fuck are you alive, sanji.
anyway as he's?? doing that?? and making himself right at home....]
Besides, you don't really want him to take it back, do you? If you change your mind later after losing your shit on this app, I guess that's one thing but...
[a wave of his hand]
Isn't this the time to make stupid macho decisions and dig your heels in and refuse to say you're wrong?
[this might not be his first rodeo]
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[Stop going through his shit without permission?? Hello?? They ain't exactly dating anymore, though you couldn't tell by how Sanji just sighs and goes to nurse that bottle of wine. Fuck it, let the asshole do what he wants. At best he'll find some canned goods, some veggies that are two days from turning questionable colors.
For a guy who is surprisingly neat about his space, Sanji is an atrocity in the kitchen.
Though at those questions, Sanji. hesitates. A beat goes by in which he seems to coil back on himself, considering Baren with suspicion once more.]
... I don't need irritating people in my life. [With an ounce of sullenness] -- And oi, he's the one who blew up my phone, getting angry when I didn't immediately kiss his ass and agree the power of friendship means anything.
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If you try to eat those, I will fight your ghost.
[JUDGMENT CAST.... as for the rest, Baren just snickers again.]
God, he's such a fucking pain in the ass but you know I meant it for the both of you. Stubborn and prideful. Sure you're right because fuck anyone who tells you otherwise.
[He'll pick up his glass again and grin. He says it like it's fact because he thinks it is - men are fuckin dumb. But - ]
I'm not calling you out, Sanj. Quit acting like I'm out to get you.
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[That's all he's got to say, hmph, and greets Baren with another fidgety side-eye before his glance slides away, visibly pouting now. Listen, he knows damn well men are stupid - the fact that he dates any of them is a constant source of misery.
This shit is different. Zoro busted down the proverbial door like he belonged in his life, of course Sanji was justified in dragging his ass through the mud.
...]
Listen, I don't really give a shit what happens to that guy -- [but... but...
A sigh]
Just a word of advice; give that bastard a lesson in tact. Otherwise he's gonna chase his crew off, and he seems damned eager to find them.
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Yeah, I'll be honest. I'm looking too and I keep hoping I'll find them before he does.
... I was technically successful with you....
[sort of.]
But if he didn't chase after shit blindly and proceed to shoot himself in the foot, he wouldn't be Z. Like how you wouldn't be Sanj if you aren't a cagey difficult pain in the ass.
If you see the rest of 'em, just let me know, yeah?
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[He says, casually, before he drinks straight from the wine bottle like an absolute heathen. Shut up, his mood has not improved, and it's certainly not because Baren wormed him out of his funk]
And yeah, yeah, I will. Not that I remember any of 'em right now, but he did give me a list of names to go off of.
[Ticking his fingers casually as he recites with surprising ease:] Lemme see, there was a Nami, a Luffy, a Chopper, a Robin...
[And because Baren is not Zoro, he glances over with some measure of intrigue] He tell you anything about 'em?
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Regardless he's listening to the names and - yeah, they're pretty much the same ones he knows. There's a thoughtful moment because... this isn't Baren's information to share. But Zoro was clearly trying to get the information across to Sanji anyway, right? So it's probably not too bad to share...
He sighs.]
If he gets pissy at me for sharing his shit with you, you owe me.
[even if he won't tell zoro right away.... well. secrets are par for the course with Baren.]
Luffy's the... Captain? Apparently his limbs stretch real fuckin' far - don't ask me how, it sounds like you're going to remember some really dumb bullshit. Robin's a lady, don't know much else. Chopper is... the reindeer...? Talking reindeer.
[ . . . .
he silently holds a hand out for that wine bottle, he needs some of that if he's gonna keep going]
Nami's the one I apparently remind him of - which probably means she's gorgeous, ruthless, and prone to using Z as a packmule.
[have you ever seen a peacock preen like this]
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He'll switch gears to the lady, then, while handing out the wine bottle that he just so happily contaminated (because he knew it'd irritate Baren, it's the little things in life)]
Nami, eh...? Pretty name. Sounds Japanese. [With a slight smirk] I can appreciate a girl who knows how to--
[Nami-swaaaaan~! D-do you love me nooooow~? ♥
Yes, yes I do. Now open up the cage--!"]
[Well shit, Sanji sure does recoil so quickly that he sloshes a bit of wine on his T-shirt, swears at that, and then gropes at the doorframe to avoid collapsing in a confused heap on the floor.]
Nnnnnngh--!
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[NO SYMPATHY. NONE.
But he will hop off the counter to take the wine bottle back from Sanji before it gets completely destroyed. That'd be such a waste.... It gets deposited back on the counter away from harm's way while Baren snaps his fingers in front of Sanji's face.]
You back yet?
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Also god, the snapping, stop that. Sanji pushes the hand away once he's certain he won't fall on his ass, only to aggressively run in through his hair like he woke up from a nightmare.]
Why the shitty hell were those crocodiles so big.
[Just speaking darkly, he's seen hell today]
That chef is a nutcase--! [a pause] And yeah, Nami-sa-- Nami's pretty cute.
[...]
A lot cuter than you.
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[THERE'S NO BRINGING DOWN THIS EGO, considering that he's coupling that statement with a wink. Peacocks gonna peacock....
But regardless, he'll laugh.]
Did you wrestle a crocodile...? A giant crocodile? I swear that everything I hear from your memories sounds like a shitpost animal-themed fever dream.
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And uh... not exactly "wrestle".
[A vague, "I Don't Know What The Fuck Is Going On" gesture at his past life's choices]
More like I kicked the thing into the ceiling. Used an attack name and everything.
[It was simultaneously the lamest and coolest thing Sanji has ever witnessed outside of professional wrestlers]
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It's always too funny.
Baren's already smirking as he leans back in - ]
What was the attack name, Sanj.
[spill]
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the hell
back]
I'm not drunk enough to tell you.
[nooooooooooo]
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actually hold on he's going to pour some back into his wine glass first
and then he's just going to hand it to sanji expectantly
c'mon he's waiting]
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[Which at no point stops Sanji from taking the offered bottle. The man's got his priorities straight.]
If I tell you, I don't wanna hear it getting around to anyone else.
[Pointing at his face]
Got it?
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but he won't..... he won't because this shit sounds way too good]
Okay, okay, c'mon! Share!
[sanji will regret this]
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