[Men are so dumb and Baren hates most of them and yet here he is, listening to his ex talk about how he doesn't care at all about what happens to his pseudo husband.]
Yeah, I'll be honest. I'm looking too and I keep hoping I'll find them before he does.
... I was technically successful with you....
[sort of.]
But if he didn't chase after shit blindly and proceed to shoot himself in the foot, he wouldn't be Z. Like how you wouldn't be Sanj if you aren't a cagey difficult pain in the ass.
If you see the rest of 'em, just let me know, yeah?
[He says, casually, before he drinks straight from the wine bottle like an absolute heathen. Shut up, his mood has not improved, and it's certainly not because Baren wormed him out of his funk]
And yeah, yeah, I will. Not that I remember any of 'em right now, but he did give me a list of names to go off of.
[Ticking his fingers casually as he recites with surprising ease:] Lemme see, there was a Nami, a Luffy, a Chopper, a Robin...
[And because Baren is not Zoro, he glances over with some measure of intrigue] He tell you anything about 'em?
[He's getting a judging look for drinking straight out of that. What if he wanted more, Sanji? You've contaminated the whole goddamn thing now.
Regardless he's listening to the names and - yeah, they're pretty much the same ones he knows. There's a thoughtful moment because... this isn't Baren's information to share. But Zoro was clearly trying to get the information across to Sanji anyway, right? So it's probably not too bad to share...
He sighs.]
If he gets pissy at me for sharing his shit with you, you owe me.
[even if he won't tell zoro right away.... well. secrets are par for the course with Baren.]
Luffy's the... Captain? Apparently his limbs stretch real fuckin' far - don't ask me how, it sounds like you're going to remember some really dumb bullshit. Robin's a lady, don't know much else. Chopper is... the reindeer...? Talking reindeer.
[ . . . .
he silently holds a hand out for that wine bottle, he needs some of that if he's gonna keep going]
Nami's the one I apparently remind him of - which probably means she's gorgeous, ruthless, and prone to using Z as a packmule.
["Dumb bullshit" is uh... that's a phrase for it, yeah. Sanji's eyebrows nearly climb off his head at the mention of a talking reindeer, and he's slightly disappointed when there's no insane memory to accompany that little tidbit.
He'll switch gears to the lady, then, while handing out the wine bottle that he just so happily contaminated (because he knew it'd irritate Baren, it's the little things in life)]
Nami, eh...? Pretty name. Sounds Japanese. [With a slight smirk] I can appreciate a girl who knows how to--
[Nami-swaaaaan~! D-do you love me nooooow~? ♥
Yes, yes I do. Now open up the cage--!"]
[Well shit, Sanji sure does recoil so quickly that he sloshes a bit of wine on his T-shirt, swears at that, and then gropes at the doorframe to avoid collapsing in a confused heap on the floor.]
Whatever you were about to say, that's karma, jackass.
[NO SYMPATHY. NONE.
But he will hop off the counter to take the wine bottle back from Sanji before it gets completely destroyed. That'd be such a waste.... It gets deposited back on the counter away from harm's way while Baren snaps his fingers in front of Sanji's face.]
[WOW FUCK YOU, BAREN, HE LETS YOU INTO HIS HOME AND THEN GETS TREATED LIKE A TRASH HEAP.
Also god, the snapping, stop that. Sanji pushes the hand away once he's certain he won't fall on his ass, only to aggressively run in through his hair like he woke up from a nightmare.]
Why the shitty hell were those crocodiles so big.
[Just speaking darkly, he's seen hell today]
That chef is a nutcase--! [a pause] And yeah, Nami-sa-- Nami's pretty cute.
Which means that the name is so much worse and Baren is clutching his own stomach as he laughs. He cracks up. He loses his shit. There's no way around it, he thinks that's the best thing that he's heard - ]
Is it - ahah - is it because y.... you're the chef? [WHEEZE] Is that why it's a course?!
[SNARLING AT HIM, though seeing as his face could double as a lantern by now and the wine bottle has now doubled as a shield from Baren's laughter... yeah, that undercuts the menace a bit]
I didn't come up with it! That dumbass shit in my memories thought it sounded cool!
[And then, with equal passion:] It looked cooler than it sounded, alright?! He kicked a big-ass crocodile to the ceiling with that move!
[That really sad moment when you realize Baren is probably your closest contact outside of maybe two people and this is it, hello darkness my old friend...
So fuck him, TAKING THE BOTTLE and relocating to a private portion of the kitchen to sulk in peace, muttering darkly in French the entire time]
Cul stupide en riant comme une hyène, c'était une attaque cool...!
[Sanji really needs to re-evaluate his life choices.
Regardless he's.... he's still laughing, because that's what Baren does. He laughs a lot. He thinks a lot of things are funny. He takes a lot of enjoyment out of both living life and other people's embarrassment. He hears the French, understands it, but doesn't say much in response to it because he can't remember if Sanji ever found out that Baren knew how to speak French...]
Stop pouting, I think that's the most I laughed this year and I've heard shit about kung-fu giraffes.
Also, glaring over his shoulder, resistant as a child being told what to do. But compared to how nasty he was when Baren walked through the door, this is a marked improvement. Just harmless irritation and him resisting the need to throw the bottle at Baren's head]
[why are men stupid!!!! though to be fair baren did start this one. he rolls his eyes even as he drinks the bits of wine that he remembered to pour in his own glass earlier.]
'cause wine bribes still work on you, apparently.
I could've picked the lock but I was polite this time. You're welcome.
[from now on he might just start picking the lock??]
[He can't believe that's a rule they need to establish, and yet here they are. Sanji sighs heavily to himself before turning (STILL SITTING) on the floor.]
And isn't that some kind of betrayal? Zoro'd probably piss himself in rage if he knew you were here.
[EASY!!!!! ..... well, not that easy because sometimes baren still just wants to let himself in?? but he'll play by sanji's rules for a little bit longer......
as for the rest of that - ]
Eh, he'd pout like a baby but that's nothing new to me. [pointed stare...... it's something you strawhats seem to have in common....] I do what I want when I want. He knows that.
[Wow, Baren, it's almost like you're trying to say something with that stare of yours.
Sanji's response to that is a smirk of all things. Listen, it's petty as fuck, but his mood has vastly improved now that he's armed with the knowledge Zoro is every bit a piss baby as he imagines.
It's the little things in life.]
Heh, I can imagine. [A slow shrug as he takes another drink] Oi, listen. Try to--
[go easy on him, he nearly says, except that's not his place and Sanji pauses, mouth twisting briefly at emotions that probably aren't his. Tch, fucking memories. He's only no. 2 and already hating it]
... Good luck finding everyone else. I'll help out where I can. [Another shrug]
[There's no way for Baren to know what Sanji intends on saying next but he tilts his head a bit at the reframing. A thoughtful expression passes his face before he settles on a grin, gently amused. Whereas there was the open mockery before, there's just a glimmer of pleasant surprise.]
.... You know, I'm not as shocked as I thought I'd be.
[at the openness to helping, he means. He'll take it.
He moves to wash the wine glass that he borrowed, grabbing the one Sanji used too because he's not a fuckin slob.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Yeah, I'll be honest. I'm looking too and I keep hoping I'll find them before he does.
... I was technically successful with you....
[sort of.]
But if he didn't chase after shit blindly and proceed to shoot himself in the foot, he wouldn't be Z. Like how you wouldn't be Sanj if you aren't a cagey difficult pain in the ass.
If you see the rest of 'em, just let me know, yeah?
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[He says, casually, before he drinks straight from the wine bottle like an absolute heathen. Shut up, his mood has not improved, and it's certainly not because Baren wormed him out of his funk]
And yeah, yeah, I will. Not that I remember any of 'em right now, but he did give me a list of names to go off of.
[Ticking his fingers casually as he recites with surprising ease:] Lemme see, there was a Nami, a Luffy, a Chopper, a Robin...
[And because Baren is not Zoro, he glances over with some measure of intrigue] He tell you anything about 'em?
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Regardless he's listening to the names and - yeah, they're pretty much the same ones he knows. There's a thoughtful moment because... this isn't Baren's information to share. But Zoro was clearly trying to get the information across to Sanji anyway, right? So it's probably not too bad to share...
He sighs.]
If he gets pissy at me for sharing his shit with you, you owe me.
[even if he won't tell zoro right away.... well. secrets are par for the course with Baren.]
Luffy's the... Captain? Apparently his limbs stretch real fuckin' far - don't ask me how, it sounds like you're going to remember some really dumb bullshit. Robin's a lady, don't know much else. Chopper is... the reindeer...? Talking reindeer.
[ . . . .
he silently holds a hand out for that wine bottle, he needs some of that if he's gonna keep going]
Nami's the one I apparently remind him of - which probably means she's gorgeous, ruthless, and prone to using Z as a packmule.
[have you ever seen a peacock preen like this]
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He'll switch gears to the lady, then, while handing out the wine bottle that he just so happily contaminated (because he knew it'd irritate Baren, it's the little things in life)]
Nami, eh...? Pretty name. Sounds Japanese. [With a slight smirk] I can appreciate a girl who knows how to--
[Nami-swaaaaan~! D-do you love me nooooow~? ♥
Yes, yes I do. Now open up the cage--!"]
[Well shit, Sanji sure does recoil so quickly that he sloshes a bit of wine on his T-shirt, swears at that, and then gropes at the doorframe to avoid collapsing in a confused heap on the floor.]
Nnnnnngh--!
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[NO SYMPATHY. NONE.
But he will hop off the counter to take the wine bottle back from Sanji before it gets completely destroyed. That'd be such a waste.... It gets deposited back on the counter away from harm's way while Baren snaps his fingers in front of Sanji's face.]
You back yet?
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Also god, the snapping, stop that. Sanji pushes the hand away once he's certain he won't fall on his ass, only to aggressively run in through his hair like he woke up from a nightmare.]
Why the shitty hell were those crocodiles so big.
[Just speaking darkly, he's seen hell today]
That chef is a nutcase--! [a pause] And yeah, Nami-sa-- Nami's pretty cute.
[...]
A lot cuter than you.
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[THERE'S NO BRINGING DOWN THIS EGO, considering that he's coupling that statement with a wink. Peacocks gonna peacock....
But regardless, he'll laugh.]
Did you wrestle a crocodile...? A giant crocodile? I swear that everything I hear from your memories sounds like a shitpost animal-themed fever dream.
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And uh... not exactly "wrestle".
[A vague, "I Don't Know What The Fuck Is Going On" gesture at his past life's choices]
More like I kicked the thing into the ceiling. Used an attack name and everything.
[It was simultaneously the lamest and coolest thing Sanji has ever witnessed outside of professional wrestlers]
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It's always too funny.
Baren's already smirking as he leans back in - ]
What was the attack name, Sanj.
[spill]
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the hell
back]
I'm not drunk enough to tell you.
[nooooooooooo]
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actually hold on he's going to pour some back into his wine glass first
and then he's just going to hand it to sanji expectantly
c'mon he's waiting]
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[Which at no point stops Sanji from taking the offered bottle. The man's got his priorities straight.]
If I tell you, I don't wanna hear it getting around to anyone else.
[Pointing at his face]
Got it?
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but he won't..... he won't because this shit sounds way too good]
Okay, okay, c'mon! Share!
[sanji will regret this]
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It's-- it was, uh...
[He can feel heat gathering at his ears and spreading to his cheeks, which just makes this so much worse than it has to be]
...
A-anti-Manner Kick Course.
[mUMBLED around the neck of the bottle with the sudden wish he might die from alcohol poisoning]
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[He's so embarrassed.
Which means that the name is so much worse and Baren is clutching his own stomach as he laughs. He cracks up. He loses his shit. There's no way around it, he thinks that's the best thing that he's heard - ]
Is it - ahah - is it because y.... you're the chef? [WHEEZE] Is that why it's a course?!
[HE CAN'T BREATHE.]
Ugh, fuck...!
[THAT'S SO FUNNY.]
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[SNARLING AT HIM, though seeing as his face could double as a lantern by now and the wine bottle has now doubled as a shield from Baren's laughter... yeah, that undercuts the menace a bit]
I didn't come up with it! That dumbass shit in my memories thought it sounded cool!
[And then, with equal passion:] It looked cooler than it sounded, alright?! He kicked a big-ass crocodile to the ceiling with that move!
[STOP LAUGHING. STOP IT]
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[HE'S NOT GOING TO STOP.
He lifts a hand up to his visible eye and wipes at the corner of it as he's still halfway to sobbing.]
Sanj, stop it, I can't die here...!
[HE CAN THO]
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So fuck him, TAKING THE BOTTLE and relocating to a private portion of the kitchen to sulk in peace, muttering darkly in French the entire time]
Cul stupide en riant comme une hyène, c'était une attaque cool...!
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Regardless he's.... he's still laughing, because that's what Baren does. He laughs a lot. He thinks a lot of things are funny. He takes a lot of enjoyment out of both living life and other people's embarrassment. He hears the French, understands it, but doesn't say much in response to it because he can't remember if Sanji ever found out that Baren knew how to speak French...]
Stop pouting, I think that's the most I laughed this year and I've heard shit about kung-fu giraffes.
[SO LIKE?? THANKS???]
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[Charming.
Also, glaring over his shoulder, resistant as a child being told what to do. But compared to how nasty he was when Baren walked through the door, this is a marked improvement. Just harmless irritation and him resisting the need to throw the bottle at Baren's head]
Remind me why I let you in my place again.
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'cause wine bribes still work on you, apparently.
I could've picked the lock but I was polite this time. You're welcome.
[from now on he might just start picking the lock??]
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Don't pick my shitty locks. Ever.
[He can't believe that's a rule they need to establish, and yet here they are. Sanji sighs heavily to himself before turning (STILL SITTING) on the floor.]
And isn't that some kind of betrayal? Zoro'd probably piss himself in rage if he knew you were here.
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[EASY!!!!! ..... well, not that easy because sometimes baren still just wants to let himself in?? but he'll play by sanji's rules for a little bit longer......
as for the rest of that - ]
Eh, he'd pout like a baby but that's nothing new to me. [pointed stare...... it's something you strawhats seem to have in common....] I do what I want when I want. He knows that.
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Sanji's response to that is a smirk of all things. Listen, it's petty as fuck, but his mood has vastly improved now that he's armed with the knowledge Zoro is every bit a piss baby as he imagines.
It's the little things in life.]
Heh, I can imagine. [A slow shrug as he takes another drink] Oi, listen. Try to--
[go easy on him, he nearly says, except that's not his place and Sanji pauses, mouth twisting briefly at emotions that probably aren't his. Tch, fucking memories. He's only no. 2 and already hating it]
... Good luck finding everyone else. I'll help out where I can. [Another shrug]
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.... You know, I'm not as shocked as I thought I'd be.
[at the openness to helping, he means. He'll take it.
He moves to wash the wine glass that he borrowed, grabbing the one Sanji used too because he's not a fuckin slob.]
You got any more questions before I go?
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