[of all the things he could be frustrated about, he'll be real - that bothers him the least.
Though he glances at her when she tells him it's okay to be upset, and his head tilts, thoughtfully. There is still... a lot of emotions simmering in his chest, but that aside]
It's not your dying that pains you the most but something else?
[ She's gentle in her inquiry. She's not going to push it too much, but if he needs an outlet, she wants to give him one. ]
I can't be upset for my death, only for the circumstances that led me to it. I chose to come here, and while I can't confirm it, I suspect it's whatever enforces the rules at camp that killed me.
Well... Damn. He's stunned into silence for a brief moment, replaying those words in his head to make sure he processed them right. It's not that he's forgotten that very obvious offer to vent, only that his surprise has taken his attention hostage]
You... let yourself die?
[Whatever that entails, it's clear that Shinobu really did chose her own path. He's... gotta respect that.
But anyway:]
I shouldn't be boring you with tales of my own failures, Shinobo-san.
I don't know if let is the right word, but it's not entirely wrong either.
[ It's complicated. Her feelings on dying are one thing, but her feelings on leaving people behind are another. She had already killed once, so choosing not to the second time—
She made a decision. ]
I asked, Sanji-san. It's not boring if I want to know> You are of no obligation to tell me anything, but please consider I don't have much room to judge anything.
He misses Robin, suddenly. His calm, tranquil archeologist who could often tease out Sanji's anxieties if he let her. It's why, even knowing he'd prefer to keep shit to himself out of both pride and shame, his eyes can't help but soften]
... I wish I could've done more, while I was alive.
[A sentiment that was no doubt shared by most of the dead, but given he'd once had a role, well... perhaps Shinobu can at least appreciate why for Sanji...
Shinobu's expression softens. She does understand. Even if she chose to come here, it's not like she hadn't wanted to do more while still alive as well. ]
Your regrets aren't wrong. There is much more I wanted to do with what we had to work with, but I don't think you've stopped doing. You haven't let death stop you, and you protected what was important.
[A moment's smile for her, even if just like last time, it struggles to reach his eyes]
Ha... am I?
[He's... trying not to dissolve into self-pity here, because whether or not she asked for his feelings doesn't mean Shinobu needs to get saddled with the full brunt of Sanji's emotions. He's aware enough to know that his feelings are just raw -- that he's tired, and watching the murderers being almost self-congratulatory in their freedom put a bad taste in his mouth.
He would've done things differently. Not better, just differently. But he lost, so it doesn't do him much good to dwell on that.]
-- No, you're right. [Scrubbing a hand through his hair] And besides, we're not done yet. Just because most of the shitty loose ends are tying up doesn't mean this is over.
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I'm sorry it ended in your death.
[ But it's very sweet of him, and she thinks it's valid of him. ]
But if you're furious about something, you can admit it. Who would mind?
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[of all the things he could be frustrated about, he'll be real - that bothers him the least.
Though he glances at her when she tells him it's okay to be upset, and his head tilts, thoughtfully. There is still... a lot of emotions simmering in his chest, but that aside]
Are you upset that you died?
[...]
Who killed you?
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[ She's gentle in her inquiry. She's not going to push it too much, but if he needs an outlet, she wants to give him one. ]
I can't be upset for my death, only for the circumstances that led me to it. I chose to come here, and while I can't confirm it, I suspect it's whatever enforces the rules at camp that killed me.
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Well... Damn. He's stunned into silence for a brief moment, replaying those words in his head to make sure he processed them right. It's not that he's forgotten that very obvious offer to vent, only that his surprise has taken his attention hostage]
You... let yourself die?
[Whatever that entails, it's clear that Shinobu really did chose her own path. He's... gotta respect that.
But anyway:]
I shouldn't be boring you with tales of my own failures, Shinobo-san.
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[ It's complicated. Her feelings on dying are one thing, but her feelings on leaving people behind are another. She had already killed once, so choosing not to the second time—
She made a decision. ]
I asked, Sanji-san. It's not boring if I want to know> You are of no obligation to tell me anything, but please consider I don't have much room to judge anything.
[ Even if they both have Roles. Or had them. ]
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He misses Robin, suddenly. His calm, tranquil archeologist who could often tease out Sanji's anxieties if he let her. It's why, even knowing he'd prefer to keep shit to himself out of both pride and shame, his eyes can't help but soften]
... I wish I could've done more, while I was alive.
[A sentiment that was no doubt shared by most of the dead, but given he'd once had a role, well... perhaps Shinobu can at least appreciate why for Sanji...
His death feels so much more like a failure]
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Shinobu's expression softens. She does understand. Even if she chose to come here, it's not like she hadn't wanted to do more while still alive as well. ]
Your regrets aren't wrong. There is much more I wanted to do with what we had to work with, but I don't think you've stopped doing. You haven't let death stop you, and you protected what was important.
You are still doing more.
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Ha... am I?
[He's... trying not to dissolve into self-pity here, because whether or not she asked for his feelings doesn't mean Shinobu needs to get saddled with the full brunt of Sanji's emotions. He's aware enough to know that his feelings are just raw -- that he's tired, and watching the murderers being almost self-congratulatory in their freedom put a bad taste in his mouth.
He would've done things differently. Not better, just differently. But he lost, so it doesn't do him much good to dwell on that.]
-- No, you're right. [Scrubbing a hand through his hair] And besides, we're not done yet. Just because most of the shitty loose ends are tying up doesn't mean this is over.
[If nothing else, he can't lose focus. Not yet]
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I don't have to be right at this moment. It hasn't been long for you. [ Since he died. Even if a week in this place can feel like a month. ]
I have faith that we're on the right track, but I don't think it's impossible to veer off it.
[ If all three killing teams said they were freed of their duties, what does this mean for the end of this week? It's a worrying thought. ]