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[concasse]

[Sanji's at the bar probably with the rest of the village, holed up in a corner for a decidedly good portion of the evening/night, well after this mess. Catch him when he's depressingly sober, moderately drunk and pissed, or in the middle of destroying what's left of his kidneys.

He'll get home eventually. Somehow.]

Comments

[distressedude]

[Wow Sanji he is like 4, come on now. Not that Sanji knows that of course BUT STILL. He nods.]

But if it were only embarrassing, I think I'd know how to handle it better. [But to suddenly feel so in love, so in love and so happy to be in love, after all these months of feeling nothing but heartache whenever the subject comes up...]

To have something like that and have it taken away...

[Only to remember what he really wants and can never have.]

...it hurts.

[concasse]

... This is my third time, going through this. [Third time falling in love because of an experiment. He won't mention how painful the real-deal can be]

I wish I could tell you it gets easier with experience. [Maybe then, it wouldn't ache so badly, whenever he thinks of her -- or him. Sanji glances down at the boy next to him, assessing his expression]

[distressedude]

I don't think I would expect it to. [Unfortunately, Sanji doesn't have to mention how painful the real deal is. Ion already knows. It's something he's still dealing with, even now, after all.]

I knew something like this was going to happen, but I didn't think about what I would do afterward. And not just because it's embarrassing... [He hunches his shoulders, his eyes still not leaving the table.]

...it already hurt so much before the experiment. Now it just feels worse.

[concasse]

[Oh?... Oh.

Well shit. Sanji studies Ion, offering no worldly wisdom before he suddenly gets to his feet]

Wait here. [And he walks off. When he comes back... he's got two milkshakes in hand]


I was wrong. You do need another.

[distressedude]

[Ion doesn't say anything when Sanji gets up, though he does stare up at him curiously. It's not until he reappears, milkshakes in hand, that he understands.]

[There's an attempt at a smile, but it's pretty clear his heart isn't in it.]

...thank you, Sanji.

[concasse]

[No direct response to that - just the glass clinking on the wooden surface in front of Ion]

Your stomach's still gonna hate you. [Unfortunately, organs care precious little for if you're ecstatic or depressed; they'll take the same price out of your hide if you overdo it] But if you think you can take it...

[distressedude]

[Ion reaches out to grab the glass, but doesn't take a drink just yet.]

I know. To be honest, I know I shouldn't. If I were to come home feeling sick and Anise found out, she...

[He trails off. Of course she'd be mad at him. She'd probably send him to bed right away and scold him for good measure. But if she knew why he had been so upset in the first place... would she feel guilty? He doesn't know. It had been so long since they even talked about what happened before...]

[He doesn't let the silence linger for long before he goes ahead and starts on the milkshake.]

[concasse]

She'd kick your ass into bed? [If Sanji knew the origin of Ion's woes, he'd think twice about bringing Anise front and center in this conversation.]

That's a good friend you've got there.

[distressedude]

Yes, she is. She's... my best friend.

[With a sad smile not quite befitting someone who's talking about their best friend.]

I'd hate to do something that would make her worry about me needlessly. But I felt like I needed to do something for myself right now. Even if it's just something like this... [He stares down at the milkshake before looking back up at Sanji.] But that's a rather childish way of thinking about things, isn't it.

[concasse]

Is it? [He cradles his own glass in his hands, noting the slight numbness that curls into his skin]

When's the last time you've done something for yourself?

[distressedude]

That would depend on your definition of doing something for oneself, wouldn't it? [Ion's definition is, after all, rather skewed. To do something for yourself, something selfish, without thinking about what those around you might think of it...]

Ah, but I suppose... assuming the experiment doesn't count, the last time would have been around November.

[concasse]

Hn. [November, is it? Sanji looks a shade disapproving, but doesn't linger on the fact] Alright, then think of it this way:

You'd probably feel shitty worse if you didn't take this moment for yourself. I doubt you're super-human. [A little shrug] Everyone needs time to be alone and wallow, ugly as it seems. It isn't fair otherwise, glossing over a true tragedy.

[God he's such a hypocrite. But he'll stomach his words if it'll help Ion out, even just a little]

... I did the same thing yesterday. [His eyes close.] If I hadn't, I'd be even more of a shitty mess today.

[distressedude]

Do you really think it would help? [He almost sounds hopeful. Something like this is what Ion considered to be a last resort, save for simply locking away his feelings like he used to do back home. Locking them away and pretending nothing was wrong. It used to be so much easier...]

I guess I'm just not sure. Whether it would help or not, I don't like doing anything that might make others worry. I already depend on them for so much... I don't want to be any more of a burden.

[Smiling, weakly:] Even now, I feel like I'm only burdening you with my problems.

[concasse]

[And to that--

Sanji lightly smacks his knuckles on Ion's head] Oi oi, shithead. I'm the one who told you to talk. Don't go insulting my resolve.

And that's what friends do - share the sihtty burden. Whether that's you spending a few moments alone to grieve, or talking to them later.

1/2 I just like this icon.

[distressedude]

[You'd think Ion would have seen the smack coming given Sanji is sitting like 2 feet in front of him.]

[...]

[And did he just call him a shithead?]

[distressedude]

[Okay, and then he srs'd.]

I know you're right. I just can't help but feel that way. I like to think I've gotten better about it since coming to Luceti, but...

[It's hard, for someone who always puts the needs of others before his own, to even consider doing something that might cause another person grief. Even if that way of thinking tends to give people grief in the first place.]

[But in this case, it's not quite so simple. His voice grows a bit softer.]

...I can't exactly talk to her about it when she's the reason I feel this way.

[concasse]

... You love her, don't you? [Shit, this kid... really is like him, in some ways]

[distressedude]

...I do. I don't think I understood what it meant to love someone before her.

[With a weak smile.] I didn't understand a lot of things before I met her. I owe her so much...

[concasse]

Does she know?

[distressedude]

...yes, she does.

[There is absolutely nothing happy in that statement.]

[concasse]

[Got turned down, did he? Poor guy. And Sanji now wonders if some of Ion's reluctance to do anything for himself might be tied into Anise's reaction, and how she'll see it.

He takes a thoughtful sip of his milkshake, mulling over the weight Ion has to bear. Eventually he voices some of his thoughts]

That part of the reason you don't wanna worry her? So she doesn't end up blaming herself?

[distressedude]

That's right. [He almost moves to take another long drink of the milkshake... but opts for some of the water instead.]

She's always looking out for me. Even back home, it seemed like I was always getting into trouble. Luceti isn't all that different. I don't take very good care of myself sometimes, and I know she probably worries about me more than she lets on. The last thing I want is to make things worse for her. For her to blame herself for something that isn't her fault, when she already--

[He cuts himself off abruptly.]

[Was that something he really had a right to talk about? Certainly, as it was something that had happened to him and had yet to happen to her, but... it was Anise's future. A future she doesn't know about yet. Yet.]

[concasse]

[Sanji's left to puzzle over that abrupt cutoff, and wonders if Ion was encroaching on information not his to give.]

Even if that's the case, this Anise-chan sounds like a smart girl. [He leans back against the counter, shifting to get comfortable] I can't see her getting pissed at you for needing some time alone.

Sounds like you need to forgive yourself, more than anything.

[distressedude]

Forgive myself?

[When he looks up, there's a small and somewhat confused frown on his face.]

What do you mean?

[concasse]

[Sanji sets down his glass and starts ticking off his fingers]

You feel guilty for causing her the trouble - for being sick all the time, for getting in trouble-- [For something that will happen in the future] -- maybe for being in love with her when she doesn't love you back.

You're not painting an easy case for yourself, kid. I hear a lot of blame going around for things you can't help. Add that on top of feeling bad for sneaking off...

[Regardless of how true it is, this is a pretty depressing picture in Sanji's eyes.]