004↠ Action

[concasse]

[Sanji's at the bar probably with the rest of the village, holed up in a corner for a decidedly good portion of the evening/night, well after this mess. Catch him when he's depressingly sober, moderately drunk and pissed, or in the middle of destroying what's left of his kidneys.

He'll get home eventually. Somehow.]

Comments

[distressedude]

Do you really think it would help? [He almost sounds hopeful. Something like this is what Ion considered to be a last resort, save for simply locking away his feelings like he used to do back home. Locking them away and pretending nothing was wrong. It used to be so much easier...]

I guess I'm just not sure. Whether it would help or not, I don't like doing anything that might make others worry. I already depend on them for so much... I don't want to be any more of a burden.

[Smiling, weakly:] Even now, I feel like I'm only burdening you with my problems.

[concasse]

[And to that--

Sanji lightly smacks his knuckles on Ion's head] Oi oi, shithead. I'm the one who told you to talk. Don't go insulting my resolve.

And that's what friends do - share the sihtty burden. Whether that's you spending a few moments alone to grieve, or talking to them later.

1/2 I just like this icon.

[distressedude]

[You'd think Ion would have seen the smack coming given Sanji is sitting like 2 feet in front of him.]

[...]

[And did he just call him a shithead?]

[distressedude]

[Okay, and then he srs'd.]

I know you're right. I just can't help but feel that way. I like to think I've gotten better about it since coming to Luceti, but...

[It's hard, for someone who always puts the needs of others before his own, to even consider doing something that might cause another person grief. Even if that way of thinking tends to give people grief in the first place.]

[But in this case, it's not quite so simple. His voice grows a bit softer.]

...I can't exactly talk to her about it when she's the reason I feel this way.

[concasse]

... You love her, don't you? [Shit, this kid... really is like him, in some ways]

[distressedude]

...I do. I don't think I understood what it meant to love someone before her.

[With a weak smile.] I didn't understand a lot of things before I met her. I owe her so much...

[concasse]

Does she know?

[distressedude]

...yes, she does.

[There is absolutely nothing happy in that statement.]

[concasse]

[Got turned down, did he? Poor guy. And Sanji now wonders if some of Ion's reluctance to do anything for himself might be tied into Anise's reaction, and how she'll see it.

He takes a thoughtful sip of his milkshake, mulling over the weight Ion has to bear. Eventually he voices some of his thoughts]

That part of the reason you don't wanna worry her? So she doesn't end up blaming herself?

[distressedude]

That's right. [He almost moves to take another long drink of the milkshake... but opts for some of the water instead.]

She's always looking out for me. Even back home, it seemed like I was always getting into trouble. Luceti isn't all that different. I don't take very good care of myself sometimes, and I know she probably worries about me more than she lets on. The last thing I want is to make things worse for her. For her to blame herself for something that isn't her fault, when she already--

[He cuts himself off abruptly.]

[Was that something he really had a right to talk about? Certainly, as it was something that had happened to him and had yet to happen to her, but... it was Anise's future. A future she doesn't know about yet. Yet.]

[concasse]

[Sanji's left to puzzle over that abrupt cutoff, and wonders if Ion was encroaching on information not his to give.]

Even if that's the case, this Anise-chan sounds like a smart girl. [He leans back against the counter, shifting to get comfortable] I can't see her getting pissed at you for needing some time alone.

Sounds like you need to forgive yourself, more than anything.

[distressedude]

Forgive myself?

[When he looks up, there's a small and somewhat confused frown on his face.]

What do you mean?

[concasse]

[Sanji sets down his glass and starts ticking off his fingers]

You feel guilty for causing her the trouble - for being sick all the time, for getting in trouble-- [For something that will happen in the future] -- maybe for being in love with her when she doesn't love you back.

You're not painting an easy case for yourself, kid. I hear a lot of blame going around for things you can't help. Add that on top of feeling bad for sneaking off...

[Regardless of how true it is, this is a pretty depressing picture in Sanji's eyes.]

[distressedude]

[Ion goes quiet for a few moments, eyes trailing back down to the table.]

...you're not the first person to tell me that. [Which shouldn't come as too much of a surprise, given his habit for apologizing for everything that isn't his fault.]

But I can't help but feel that way. Knowing that someone else is suffering because of something I did, even if it was something that couldn't be helped... [His frown deepens.] She's already been through so much. I don't want to make things worse for her than I already have.

[concasse]

Tch. I'd be worried if you didn't feel bad for that.

My only point is don't go making things worse for yourself in the process. Then you're probably making it worse for her, too, even if you don't mean it.

/laaate

[distressedude]

[He winces a bit at that. Making things worse for her... the last thing he wanted to do. After everything that's happened, everything that's going to happen to give her grief... just trying to deal with it could be making things worse?]

...even if she never finds out? [His voice softens and he looks back up.] In the past, I've always been able to hide it well enough to keep people from noticing when I was upset. I could hide it so well, even I didn't realize I was upset. And that was all right... for awhile...

[He trails off, frowning back down at the table.]

...I'm not trying to make things worse for myself, really. I just don't know what else to do.