For now? Yeah, I've got no choice but to believe it.
[There's no reason for the rules to have changed this drastically, after all. They all come from killing games, and now one of them is dead. Unless Sanji sees hard evidence, he's not holding his breath for miracles. Not during their first week]
I don't know if it's demons, corruption, or someone getting conned -- but one of us is the killer.
[And like always, they get to find out who tomorrow]
[It's what he expected, but that doesn't make it any easier to hear. He lifts both hands, covering his face for a minute--he isn't on the verge of tears, or hysterics, the way he was about Hijikata and Okita, but still. He needs a minute, because it's all... too much. Killing, he can understand. He can even understand the purpose, the necessity, of assassinations. But making a game out of it is too far beyond his understanding, and he doesn't like it at all.
After a minute, he drops his hands again, looking older than he probably ever has.]
...At the castle, in the very beginning, I asked Okita-kun if it wouldn't be better to kill everyone right away. It seemed kinder.
[If they knew people needed to die, then why drag it out? He glances at Sanji, a little uncertain; his logic made sense to Okita, but Sanji isn't a samurai.]
[his voice is firm, even if there's a sharp pause before he breathes out a quiet sigh and thinks to speak.]
I get what you mean. And... maybe it would be kinder to kill first, ask questions later, but that's not the way to get everyone their happy ending. I'm not saying it's right or fair, just that I want everyone to go back home -- and that might mean sucking it up in the short-term first.
[... Hearing himself speak, Sanji can't help but pause again as a memory hits him: Tiger, worn and tired and heartbroken, because in her eyes Dragon always picked the best champions for herself. The ones who believed in balance instead of a faster solution.
Maybe Sanji never considered himself a pawn of Dragon, no more than he was a pawn of Tiger, but he knows that Dragon would be proud to call him hers in this moment -- and deep down, isn't sure how to feel about that truth.
Another sigh escapes him.]
Let's get a sense of the rules before we go on a killing spree, alright?
[Despite himself, Yasusada smiles--it's a small one, and tired, but it's genuine.]
That's what Okita-kun said.
[Well, mostly. What he actually said was to follow Hijikata's orders--but he pointed out that they needed more information, that it wasn't wise to move without a plan, and information.]
I wasn't suggesting it. [FOR NOW. No okay, he really means it.] It's just...
[He's quiet for a little while, trying to figure out how to phrase it. Emotions are difficult enough to parse as it is, let alone a complex situation like this one.]
...If they asked us to fight honestly, I wouldn't mind. [He's probably not the only one, either. At least, he likes to think so. Many of them have wartime experiences--they're no strangers to the need for battle.] But the secrets, making it some kind of game... I don't like it. It doesn't feel right.
[Okita was an honorable man. The Shinsengumi didn't always do things perfectly, of course, but at the heart of it, he had a cause, and he didn't hide his loyalties. That's the kind of sword Yasusada strives to be, and it's jarring, to be thrust into situations like this.]
[... Maybe it's a small thing, but it eases some of the pressure in Sanji's soul to be compared to Souji -- a testament to their friendship, and that he wasn't wrong to trust him.
But he remains steady, focused on the here and know, and nods along to Yasusada's concerns.]
It's not right. Shit like this just brings out the worst in all of us, because you've got a lot of scared people who don't want to die.
[There aren't clear cut villains in a murdergame. Anyone can kill. Anyone can die. Everyone will suffer. There's no honor to the spectacle.]
So I get it, I really do. This kind of bullshit isn't anything I'm used to, either.
[Sanji can be sneaky, underhanded, and cruel -- he knows this to be true better than anyone, and simply accepts the worst pieces of himself -- but he'd like to think he's always acted with honor, too, in the little moments he was allowed that much.
He looks at the other, smile tired and tight]
We gotta keep going forward, though. Bit by bit. [...] And we'll get there.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[There's no reason for the rules to have changed this drastically, after all. They all come from killing games, and now one of them is dead. Unless Sanji sees hard evidence, he's not holding his breath for miracles. Not during their first week]
I don't know if it's demons, corruption, or someone getting conned -- but one of us is the killer.
[And like always, they get to find out who tomorrow]
no subject
After a minute, he drops his hands again, looking older than he probably ever has.]
...At the castle, in the very beginning, I asked Okita-kun if it wouldn't be better to kill everyone right away. It seemed kinder.
[If they knew people needed to die, then why drag it out? He glances at Sanji, a little uncertain; his logic made sense to Okita, but Sanji isn't a samurai.]
no subject
[his voice is firm, even if there's a sharp pause before he breathes out a quiet sigh and thinks to speak.]
I get what you mean. And... maybe it would be kinder to kill first, ask questions later, but that's not the way to get everyone their happy ending. I'm not saying it's right or fair, just that I want everyone to go back home -- and that might mean sucking it up in the short-term first.
[... Hearing himself speak, Sanji can't help but pause again as a memory hits him: Tiger, worn and tired and heartbroken, because in her eyes Dragon always picked the best champions for herself. The ones who believed in balance instead of a faster solution.
Maybe Sanji never considered himself a pawn of Dragon, no more than he was a pawn of Tiger, but he knows that Dragon would be proud to call him hers in this moment -- and deep down, isn't sure how to feel about that truth.
Another sigh escapes him.]
Let's get a sense of the rules before we go on a killing spree, alright?
no subject
That's what Okita-kun said.
[Well, mostly. What he actually said was to follow Hijikata's orders--but he pointed out that they needed more information, that it wasn't wise to move without a plan, and information.]
I wasn't suggesting it. [FOR NOW. No okay, he really means it.] It's just...
[He's quiet for a little while, trying to figure out how to phrase it. Emotions are difficult enough to parse as it is, let alone a complex situation like this one.]
...If they asked us to fight honestly, I wouldn't mind. [He's probably not the only one, either. At least, he likes to think so. Many of them have wartime experiences--they're no strangers to the need for battle.] But the secrets, making it some kind of game... I don't like it. It doesn't feel right.
[Okita was an honorable man. The Shinsengumi didn't always do things perfectly, of course, but at the heart of it, he had a cause, and he didn't hide his loyalties. That's the kind of sword Yasusada strives to be, and it's jarring, to be thrust into situations like this.]
no subject
But he remains steady, focused on the here and know, and nods along to Yasusada's concerns.]
It's not right. Shit like this just brings out the worst in all of us, because you've got a lot of scared people who don't want to die.
[There aren't clear cut villains in a murdergame. Anyone can kill. Anyone can die. Everyone will suffer. There's no honor to the spectacle.]
So I get it, I really do. This kind of bullshit isn't anything I'm used to, either.
[Sanji can be sneaky, underhanded, and cruel -- he knows this to be true better than anyone, and simply accepts the worst pieces of himself -- but he'd like to think he's always acted with honor, too, in the little moments he was allowed that much.
He looks at the other, smile tired and tight]
We gotta keep going forward, though. Bit by bit. [...] And we'll get there.