[Despite himself, Yasusada smiles--it's a small one, and tired, but it's genuine.]
That's what Okita-kun said.
[Well, mostly. What he actually said was to follow Hijikata's orders--but he pointed out that they needed more information, that it wasn't wise to move without a plan, and information.]
I wasn't suggesting it. [FOR NOW. No okay, he really means it.] It's just...
[He's quiet for a little while, trying to figure out how to phrase it. Emotions are difficult enough to parse as it is, let alone a complex situation like this one.]
...If they asked us to fight honestly, I wouldn't mind. [He's probably not the only one, either. At least, he likes to think so. Many of them have wartime experiences--they're no strangers to the need for battle.] But the secrets, making it some kind of game... I don't like it. It doesn't feel right.
[Okita was an honorable man. The Shinsengumi didn't always do things perfectly, of course, but at the heart of it, he had a cause, and he didn't hide his loyalties. That's the kind of sword Yasusada strives to be, and it's jarring, to be thrust into situations like this.]
[... Maybe it's a small thing, but it eases some of the pressure in Sanji's soul to be compared to Souji -- a testament to their friendship, and that he wasn't wrong to trust him.
But he remains steady, focused on the here and know, and nods along to Yasusada's concerns.]
It's not right. Shit like this just brings out the worst in all of us, because you've got a lot of scared people who don't want to die.
[There aren't clear cut villains in a murdergame. Anyone can kill. Anyone can die. Everyone will suffer. There's no honor to the spectacle.]
So I get it, I really do. This kind of bullshit isn't anything I'm used to, either.
[Sanji can be sneaky, underhanded, and cruel -- he knows this to be true better than anyone, and simply accepts the worst pieces of himself -- but he'd like to think he's always acted with honor, too, in the little moments he was allowed that much.
He looks at the other, smile tired and tight]
We gotta keep going forward, though. Bit by bit. [...] And we'll get there.
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That's what Okita-kun said.
[Well, mostly. What he actually said was to follow Hijikata's orders--but he pointed out that they needed more information, that it wasn't wise to move without a plan, and information.]
I wasn't suggesting it. [FOR NOW. No okay, he really means it.] It's just...
[He's quiet for a little while, trying to figure out how to phrase it. Emotions are difficult enough to parse as it is, let alone a complex situation like this one.]
...If they asked us to fight honestly, I wouldn't mind. [He's probably not the only one, either. At least, he likes to think so. Many of them have wartime experiences--they're no strangers to the need for battle.] But the secrets, making it some kind of game... I don't like it. It doesn't feel right.
[Okita was an honorable man. The Shinsengumi didn't always do things perfectly, of course, but at the heart of it, he had a cause, and he didn't hide his loyalties. That's the kind of sword Yasusada strives to be, and it's jarring, to be thrust into situations like this.]
no subject
But he remains steady, focused on the here and know, and nods along to Yasusada's concerns.]
It's not right. Shit like this just brings out the worst in all of us, because you've got a lot of scared people who don't want to die.
[There aren't clear cut villains in a murdergame. Anyone can kill. Anyone can die. Everyone will suffer. There's no honor to the spectacle.]
So I get it, I really do. This kind of bullshit isn't anything I'm used to, either.
[Sanji can be sneaky, underhanded, and cruel -- he knows this to be true better than anyone, and simply accepts the worst pieces of himself -- but he'd like to think he's always acted with honor, too, in the little moments he was allowed that much.
He looks at the other, smile tired and tight]
We gotta keep going forward, though. Bit by bit. [...] And we'll get there.