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week 5 | Saturday, post trial
[The hard truth is that Sanji isn't all that sad this Saturday night.
His breakdown has come and gone already, and maybe he's a little shattered in some places, but it's a far cry from how distraught he'd been upon the group losing Rapunzel and her partner.
... Even still, cooking is not on the menu tonight. Not for himself. He's in the kitchen to fetch some tea and little else, expression worn and thin]
His breakdown has come and gone already, and maybe he's a little shattered in some places, but it's a far cry from how distraught he'd been upon the group losing Rapunzel and her partner.
... Even still, cooking is not on the menu tonight. Not for himself. He's in the kitchen to fetch some tea and little else, expression worn and thin]
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[A soft hum. Sanji stares out into the distance.]
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Yes. I think you work very hard and leave little room for yourself, at the end of the day. I can't imagine how tired you must be.
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Glancing at his hand now, thinking that maybe he's... not as put together tonight as he thought. Sanji's not sure why he asked that question, either.]
I prefer keeping busy, if I'm gonna be honest. What's it called? A "workaholic"?
[Heh.]
If I don't have any downtime, it means at least I'm taking care of someone.
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[He...absolutely understands. He feels so powerless when he has nothing he can do...and because of his constitution, among other reasons, he's often left with nothing. Ion leans more into his staff, his eyes closing.]
But nobody can last at a pace like that forever.
[Another pause as he opens his eyes, sad as ever as he smiles.]
I've been told by some very lovely people that you can do the most for others when you haven't pushed yourself to the breaking point. It would be a shame not to repeat the advice.
1/2
Wiping the side of his face when he hears that, a slight laugh in his voice.]
I know.
[He does, he promises, even if taking that advice is like swallowing nails in a place like this.]
I get on everyone else's ass for it, so I should take some of that advice myself.
[Doesn't mean he's going to! But hey.]
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You're a Civilian, right?
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[He doesn't pause to consider whether or not he should hide the fact.]
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I want you to survive for as long as you can.
now I'm 1/2ing you
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[His eyes avert, and he feels his shoulders fall of their own accord. It feels like the wind has just left him all at once.]
I can't promise that.
wow you are coming for my life
But watching Ion just sink into himself catches the chef's breath, and he feels the muscles of his jaw work.]
Oi... Ion...
You're not gonna do anything, right?
do you expect anything else from me at this point
[He takes a breath, and forces himself to straighten again. Certainly, this isn't a worrying answer.]
At this point, I just don't know what's going to happen.
NO AND YET I STILL SCREAM
Yet.]
Is it your sickness? Is it getting worse?
:)
[Thank...fully...???]
...ah, I don't know if this is something that would be possible, but in the off chance that you're ever asked to kill me by one of the Crafters, would you...tell me?
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If I become a Blotter?
[God, he's.
Having trouble keeping his heart rate down.]
Oi, I refuse. I'm not killing you for anything!
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That's fine, then. I know that was a hard question to have to answer...but thank you for answering it just the same.
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Sanji is not letting this go so easily.
Ion can hold back if he wants, but Sanji just. Can't right now.]
Talk to me, Ion.
[Hesitating... but forcing himself to go on]
Has this shit been weighing on you?
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[He was ready to take a bullet week one, and it's only gotten harder every week, because everyone keeps begging him to live. How many people will he disappoint of he dies? But how many people may be doomed if, as a civilian, his blood isn't spilled? He reaches to touch his necklace, forgetting it isn't there.]
But it's not that. I made a deal with Lady Dragon...back when Sandalphon and I were still partnered.
[It feels so long ago, now.]
A lot has changed since then, but...
[There isn't any taking it back not now. And the less people there are here, the more he feels that this time will surely come.]
I asked her to tell the blotters to choose me as their target if they're unable to come to a consensus. So they won't have to force themselves to come to a decision that weighs too heavily on them. My condition was just to be told ahead of time that I'd been selected.
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... But the rage doesn't come. He's used up too much of it already... or maybe he's finally becoming desensitized to all of this crap. Despite how his fists clench, the wave passes over him and leaves behind numbness.]
... They're gonna feel that weight, you know that, right?
[Closing his eyes.]
There's no saving them from it. People care about you here.
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[He pauses, feeling despite the unflinching nature of his expression that he can hardly breathe.]
It was a mistake.
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...]
You wouldn't let me protect you, would ya? Even if I wanted to.
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He shakes his head.]
Even if I wanted.
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Alright.
[Leaning heavily against the counter behind him, tea forgotten.]
I guess all you can do is wait, see what happens... live every day to the fullest, alright?
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I suppose I couldn’t ask that whoever may choose to take me up on my offer be treated without undue harshness?
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[That is as kind as Sanji feels like being. Sorry, Ion.]
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That’s about what I expected you to say. I’m really...I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
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[He believes that, small consolation that it is.]
All we can do is go forward now.
[Cracking a tired smile]
Guess this means I better give you more cooking lessons while I can.