week 5 | Saturday, post trial

[concasse]

[The hard truth is that Sanji isn't all that sad this Saturday night.

His breakdown has come and gone already, and maybe he's a little shattered in some places, but it's a far cry from how distraught he'd been upon the group losing Rapunzel and her partner.

... Even still, cooking is not on the menu tonight. Not for himself. He's in the kitchen to fetch some tea and little else, expression worn and thin]

Comments

[fragileprophet]

[Ion pauses--his expression something indiscernible before he nods.]

That's fine, then. I know that was a hard question to have to answer...but thank you for answering it just the same.

[concasse]

[... No.

Sanji is not letting this go so easily.

Ion can hold back if he wants, but Sanji just. Can't right now.]

Talk to me, Ion.

[Hesitating... but forcing himself to go on]

Has this shit been weighing on you?

[fragileprophet]

...of course it has.

[He was ready to take a bullet week one, and it's only gotten harder every week, because everyone keeps begging him to live. How many people will he disappoint of he dies? But how many people may be doomed if, as a civilian, his blood isn't spilled? He reaches to touch his necklace, forgetting it isn't there.]

But it's not that. I made a deal with Lady Dragon...back when Sandalphon and I were still partnered.

[It feels so long ago, now.]

A lot has changed since then, but...

[There isn't any taking it back not now. And the less people there are here, the more he feels that this time will surely come.]

I asked her to tell the blotters to choose me as their target if they're unable to come to a consensus. So they won't have to force themselves to come to a decision that weighs too heavily on them. My condition was just to be told ahead of time that I'd been selected.

[concasse]

[he wants so badly to be angry at Ion for this. Pissed off. Livid. Here the kid is, bargained his life away, and shit if that doesn't sting when Sanji knows so many people are rooting for him to survive.

... But the rage doesn't come. He's used up too much of it already... or maybe he's finally becoming desensitized to all of this crap. Despite how his fists clench, the wave passes over him and leaves behind numbness.]

... They're gonna feel that weight, you know that, right?

[Closing his eyes.]

There's no saving them from it. People care about you here.

[fragileprophet]

I know.

[He pauses, feeling despite the unflinching nature of his expression that he can hardly breathe.]

It was a mistake.

[concasse]

[Yes it was.

...]

You wouldn't let me protect you, would ya? Even if I wanted to.

[fragileprophet]

[A mistake made by a boy who couldn't see the own worth in his life. A boy who just wanted to save his partner. But that partner saved him instead, and now, how can he spit in the face of that kindness?

He shakes his head.]

Even if I wanted.

[concasse]

[...]

Alright.

[Leaning heavily against the counter behind him, tea forgotten.]

I guess all you can do is wait, see what happens... live every day to the fullest, alright?

[fragileprophet]

[Ion can’t think of a proper way to answer, so he just nods as he tries to remember how to push air back into his tightened throat.]

I suppose I couldn’t ask that whoever may choose to take me up on my offer be treated without undue harshness?

[concasse]

... I'll give 'em a head start.

[That is as kind as Sanji feels like being. Sorry, Ion.]

[fragileprophet]

[He lets out a soft, breathless laugh.]

That’s about what I expected you to say. I’m really...I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

[concasse]

... I know.

[He believes that, small consolation that it is.]

All we can do is go forward now.

[Cracking a tired smile]

Guess this means I better give you more cooking lessons while I can.