[ yin yu is gearing himself up for sanji's discussion of the roles, immediately thinking about giyuu on the island, and all of that... for just someone else determined to play the game.
but... in the end, it didn't matter, after all.
in a way, it's sort of poetic. that's the kind of life that yin yu has always lived; an unnoticeable shadow, an unknowable person, always designed to go out with a fizzle and never with a bang. it's almost laughable, in a pathetic sort of way.
yin yu is quiet for a long moment. mask on his face, sanji can't see his expression, but it hasn't changed much, as he processes the story. and there's a moment, a flare in his chest, where it hurts. (he had long pushed that hurt and pain away from him, because it had only caused him trouble, for so long. only recently was the softer, vulnerable heart he'd had when he was a god started to find its way to the surface again, only to be cut down. it's to be expected.)
when yin yu finally speaks again, his voice is neutral, quiet. ] ...You both used that word. "Honorable." I don't know if I would call the conditions of that battle anywhere near 'honorable': I would like to request that you would both stop calling it that.
What was so honorable about you lying to me? Was Yasusada telling me that it was about Tomioka supposed to soften the blow? It took me prodding at him the night of to even begin to tell me it was for this 'Okita-san'. And I know that Yasusada wasn't allowed to speak of what he had done, but this lie of yours just caused more confusion amongst the living, especially when we don't know who killed Tomioka in the first place.
[ there's a little frustration starting to leak through his voice, but, yin yu stops himself, and sighs. he lifts his mask up, reaching up to rub his forehead with two fingers, taking a deep breath. still water. your heart is still water. ]
...I'm not angry with either of you. It's not really about my life, or Tomioka, or the living. [ he says, quietly, as he finishes, because he really isn't angry. not at sanji, or yasusada, really. at the camp. at the island. at the hundreds of years of failure on his belt. ] I understand what it means to want to win, especially in this situation. I want to win as much as you two do, and that was something I have been working towards in my own right since the beginning. It's something I will continue to work for with everything I have here, now.
...The matter of me being 'chosen', for the reasons you've given, doesn't matter to me. In the barest of logic, it was a good point, although the use of powers on either end didn't make any of it feel particularly honorable. What mattered was how cowardly of the both of you it was to lie to me, and then to be reticent when I ask for answers when the deed has been done. [ yin yu finally gives a small shrug of his shoulders. his mask turns back to look at sanji, properly. ] To me, that was more dishonorable than being killed ever could have been.
That's why I sought you out again, and I'm glad that you told me this: it means a lot to me, and you have my deepest gratitude for doing so.
[ there's a quiet, reflective pause, and his tone softens. ] ...I meant what I said, that we have to work together now. No running or hiding-- and that goes both for the two of you, and for myself. [ you have to live in the present moment. maybe it's high time he confronted some of his own troubles, too. ] I'd like to put it behind all three of us, and move towards a common goal.
no subject
but... in the end, it didn't matter, after all.
in a way, it's sort of poetic. that's the kind of life that yin yu has always lived; an unnoticeable shadow, an unknowable person, always designed to go out with a fizzle and never with a bang. it's almost laughable, in a pathetic sort of way.
yin yu is quiet for a long moment. mask on his face, sanji can't see his expression, but it hasn't changed much, as he processes the story. and there's a moment, a flare in his chest, where it hurts. (he had long pushed that hurt and pain away from him, because it had only caused him trouble, for so long. only recently was the softer, vulnerable heart he'd had when he was a god started to find its way to the surface again, only to be cut down. it's to be expected.)
when yin yu finally speaks again, his voice is neutral, quiet. ] ...You both used that word. "Honorable." I don't know if I would call the conditions of that battle anywhere near 'honorable': I would like to request that you would both stop calling it that.
What was so honorable about you lying to me? Was Yasusada telling me that it was about Tomioka supposed to soften the blow? It took me prodding at him the night of to even begin to tell me it was for this 'Okita-san'. And I know that Yasusada wasn't allowed to speak of what he had done, but this lie of yours just caused more confusion amongst the living, especially when we don't know who killed Tomioka in the first place.
[ there's a little frustration starting to leak through his voice, but, yin yu stops himself, and sighs. he lifts his mask up, reaching up to rub his forehead with two fingers, taking a deep breath. still water. your heart is still water. ]
...I'm not angry with either of you. It's not really about my life, or Tomioka, or the living. [ he says, quietly, as he finishes, because he really isn't angry. not at sanji, or yasusada, really. at the camp. at the island. at the hundreds of years of failure on his belt. ] I understand what it means to want to win, especially in this situation. I want to win as much as you two do, and that was something I have been working towards in my own right since the beginning. It's something I will continue to work for with everything I have here, now.
...The matter of me being 'chosen', for the reasons you've given, doesn't matter to me. In the barest of logic, it was a good point, although the use of powers on either end didn't make any of it feel particularly honorable. What mattered was how cowardly of the both of you it was to lie to me, and then to be reticent when I ask for answers when the deed has been done. [ yin yu finally gives a small shrug of his shoulders. his mask turns back to look at sanji, properly. ] To me, that was more dishonorable than being killed ever could have been.
That's why I sought you out again, and I'm glad that you told me this: it means a lot to me, and you have my deepest gratitude for doing so.
[ there's a quiet, reflective pause, and his tone softens. ] ...I meant what I said, that we have to work together now. No running or hiding-- and that goes both for the two of you, and for myself. [ you have to live in the present moment. maybe it's high time he confronted some of his own troubles, too. ] I'd like to put it behind all three of us, and move towards a common goal.