None of it is new to Yasusada, of course. When he'd said "I was there when he died", he meant it. That doesn't make it any easier to relive, though, and as badly as he tends to dwell on things, he'd been doing so well on his own. These days, he has recent memories of Okita's warmth and smile to focus on, and he's been treasuring the knowledge that Okita was saved in a way that wouldn't endanger their own world, so to see him like this, again, at his absolute weakest...
He doesn't do it consciously, but Yasusada draws his shoulders in, curling one hand in his scarf. Even if it's all unintentional, Sanji shared a close friendship with him, and in return, this is what he gets? Unreasonable guilt has him ducking his head down.]
[Sanji didn't know -- is it stupid that he didn't know? Yasusada had told him the truth not even a week ago, but it's a different beast to experience the loss for himself. Even with how Souji had been so sick back at the castle, the chef had never really carried that concern to its logical conclusion. Chopper alone would've cured his friend's ailments.
Maybe that's why his soul is crying out in protest now that the shock is wearing off, and he feels his teeth grit in defiance. Life is unfair, he knows that, but this is just-- unacceptable.
But being lost in the spiral of his thoughts doesn't mean Sanji misses how Yasusada shrinks back: the only thing that forces him to pull himself out of his own grief and start paying attention to someone else's.]
Oi-- stop that. [Running a hand through his hair just to keep from reaching out and trying to physical push back Yams' guilt.] This-- this shit isn't your fault, alright?
[It's Okita, really. Okita, with his easy smile and his caring demeanor, makes it so easy to look away from what no one wants to see. A man like that--he shouldn't have had this kind of death. It's a cruel fate, for someone who's as much of as a sword as his blades themselves were.]
That was 300 years ago. More, I think. After us, people started using guns. [So Okita would've been long dead, no matter what. That's what humans do. Even if he'd lived, he only would've seen the defeat of his beloved Shinsengumi. But Yasusada isn't one of the swords that's been passed from master to master, watching the phases of humanity for a thousand years. Even as a spirit, something like that is difficult for him to grasp.] Master--that is, the saniwa--found a lot of our spirits, and brought them to the Citadel. There aren't enough humans left, to fight the war.
[So he's not... alone, exactly. He has the other swords, he has his partner. He has a purpose. But it's not the same. And an experience like that, it's not one that's easy to recover from, especially when he spent all three of those centuries alone.]
[Admittedly, that is enough to quell some of Sanji's immediate concerns, and his stance softens; had he thought that Yams had no one to go back to, it would have been a question of what he needed to do to correct that problem -- either by bringing Souji back to him, or whisking the sword away to a world of piracy.]
... And what do all of you swords do at the Citadel?
[Again, questions he never asked. It doesn't feel good confronting that fact, either.]
When we're there, we care for it. The fields, the horses, we train, things like that. We help new swords adjust, when they're successfully summoned. [It's not a terrible life, at least. But--] It's our duty to preserve history. So when we're sent to battle, we travel to the past to make sure the Time Retrograde Army doesn't change anything.
[It's not a bad goal. Changing the past could very easily make the future far more terrible than it already is.
...It just also means ensuring that events happen exactly as they always have. It means watching the same tragedies unfold, powerless to prevent an unfair or tragic death. Sometimes, it even means ending the life of someone dear to you, by your own hand.
And it's why he'd been more than happy to look the other way, when Okita mentioned traveling to other places, healthy and content. Yasusada doesn't necessarily want to change history, and bring ruin on the rest of the world--but he most certainly isn't going to complain about Okita getting to live, the way he always should have.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I'M RUNNIN
None of it is new to Yasusada, of course. When he'd said "I was there when he died", he meant it. That doesn't make it any easier to relive, though, and as badly as he tends to dwell on things, he'd been doing so well on his own. These days, he has recent memories of Okita's warmth and smile to focus on, and he's been treasuring the knowledge that Okita was saved in a way that wouldn't endanger their own world, so to see him like this, again, at his absolute weakest...
He doesn't do it consciously, but Yasusada draws his shoulders in, curling one hand in his scarf. Even if it's all unintentional, Sanji shared a close friendship with him, and in return, this is what he gets? Unreasonable guilt has him ducking his head down.]
...Sorry, it showed you something like that...
no subject
Maybe that's why his soul is crying out in protest now that the shock is wearing off, and he feels his teeth grit in defiance. Life is unfair, he knows that, but this is just-- unacceptable.
But being lost in the spiral of his thoughts doesn't mean Sanji misses how Yasusada shrinks back: the only thing that forces him to pull himself out of his own grief and start paying attention to someone else's.]
Oi-- stop that. [Running a hand through his hair just to keep from reaching out and trying to physical push back Yams' guilt.] This-- this shit isn't your fault, alright?
[...]
I just-- didn't realize you were alone.
no subject
That was 300 years ago. More, I think. After us, people started using guns. [So Okita would've been long dead, no matter what. That's what humans do. Even if he'd lived, he only would've seen the defeat of his beloved Shinsengumi. But Yasusada isn't one of the swords that's been passed from master to master, watching the phases of humanity for a thousand years. Even as a spirit, something like that is difficult for him to grasp.] Master--that is, the saniwa--found a lot of our spirits, and brought them to the Citadel. There aren't enough humans left, to fight the war.
[So he's not... alone, exactly. He has the other swords, he has his partner. He has a purpose. But it's not the same. And an experience like that, it's not one that's easy to recover from, especially when he spent all three of those centuries alone.]
no subject
... And what do all of you swords do at the Citadel?
[Again, questions he never asked. It doesn't feel good confronting that fact, either.]
no subject
[It's not a bad goal. Changing the past could very easily make the future far more terrible than it already is.
...It just also means ensuring that events happen exactly as they always have. It means watching the same tragedies unfold, powerless to prevent an unfair or tragic death. Sometimes, it even means ending the life of someone dear to you, by your own hand.
And it's why he'd been more than happy to look the other way, when Okita mentioned traveling to other places, healthy and content. Yasusada doesn't necessarily want to change history, and bring ruin on the rest of the world--but he most certainly isn't going to complain about Okita getting to live, the way he always should have.]