concasse | 001↠ Action/Voice

[There is something extraordinarily jarring about finding yourself in a chilled, unfamiliar forest, when two seconds ago you were under the sea, fighting off a legion of crazed fishmen. The blonde man clad in the usual New Feather's garb is none too pleased with this switch once he gathers his bearings, and he sets off in a direction that might be right, straining to hear any sounds of battle, only half-mindful of the journal he hasn't ditched yet. The hows and whys can wait until he's back with his crew.

He'll come across the town, eventually, once a certain child skipping school sets him straight. And it will feel like the longest half hour of Sanji's life, hearing what she says to him -- and once she's safely back home and past her tears, he's going to... head straight to the grocery.

Cigarettes. Need them. Now. He flies through a pack of the damn things before grabbing another, shoving it into a flimsy pocket like it's his last sane lifeline. It might as well be. Navigating back home (...home), along an all-too familiar path, makes his head and chest hurt from the seeping memories.

Heh, what a load of shitty bull. He doesn't want to be here. Except he sorta does. Maybe. And damn, it'd be nice if he could make up his mind.

There will be no such luck today. He goes home, combing the house for available crew members; any kind of anchor and stability. And after that, there's the clothing shop for his suits. Then Seventh Heaven. Then tracking down every person his memory supplies a name for - Xion. Miyabi. Sayo. Katara. Vash. Wolfwood. Isamu. Shit how many are there? - until his head feels too full and he goes to collapse at the bar around evening. Only then does the journal open.]

... Oi. [Fuck, where does one begin? Let's start with a name] It's Sanji. [Pause, and then with tired ire] Guess you shitheads aren't rid of me yet.

[ooc: If you think Sanji would look for your character... then he would probably look for your character. XD So yeah. << RUN INTO HIM ANYWHERE, previous CR or otherwise! He's all over town, and I care not for these things called continuity and time (save for who finds him in the forest - that honor goes to Elicia.)]

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...

[With careful, measured slowness, he reaches and take the container from her, eyes not leaving hers until the weight of the bamboo draws his stare to it.

There's no hurt in his expression because... he doesn't feel anything yet. Just a wave of numbness he subconsciously grips at.]

... When? [His voice is a breath above a whisper. He clears his throat and raises it] Did he leave, I mean.

[And the final gift leaves her hands. She can't help but smile a bittersweet smile. Full of lingering ache that didn't subside yet. Her voice isn't level anymore, settling into a watery test of endurance to keep herself from crumbling.]

...The same time you did, Sanji-san.

[Both of you, gone, off to do the things you both loved doing. She knew it was supposed to be that way, but she begged herself to reconsider those feelings a few times already.]

[He's startled into looking at her again, shock written clear on his face.

She'd lost them both on the same day?]

That-- [That idiot - no, both of them, for leaving her like that. His hand tightens around the container, and he takes a deep breath - holds it in to pacify some of the heat in his chest.

... And yet, there's enough of him that's silently glad, too, hearing that Ginko wasn't left behind.

He didn't have to miss me.

You selfish asshole.]

Sayo-san, I'm-- [Sorry. So sorry. And how many times is he gonna repeat that phrase? It does nothing to hold off guilt, and freezes his tongue before he utters the last word.]

'Sorry'?

[She smiles, fingers pressed and laced in front of her kimono, patient as she was. The woman who always waited... managing a tiny look of contentment, no matter how sad it was. She understands what you're trying to say, Sanji, but that ache is nothing now. It became nothing the moment a girl--your daughter--came in and wrapped her arms around her in anguish.

This pain is nothing, compared to hers, to yours, to everyone's. And there's a strange feeling of usefulness, of meaning, in helping delivering her own sympathetic hand to people.

The same way you did to her, as well as countless others.]

You never have to apologize to me for things out of your power, Sanji-san.

[Ginko... said something like that too. Maybe not in words, but Sanji recalls it now, without a conscious choice - a hug, and the soft reminder that he's as human as the rest of them. Powerless sometimes, but still an anchor in times of need. So don't apologize for the things you can never control, right?

Tense fingers loosen on the bamboo for the second time, too loose; he nearly drops it. In immediate retrospect, he wishes he had, just to give himself something to do - a goal to distract him.

Because he doesn't want to... to... Not in front of Sayo.]

[It's okay, Sanji. Now's her turn to hug you, in the very place she hugged another person who had lost someone. Wrapping her arms around him she pulls him close. It's okay, Sanji. The feeling like you're being smothered by something will dull over time, she knows. It dulls, doesn't fade entirely, but it fades nonetheless.

She presses her eyes into his shoulder, and says nothing.]

[He doesn't hug back this time, Sayo. Doesn't cry, or move, but hides away in the cocoon of numbness that is his last defense. He stares out from inside it, drawing out the hardest truths first.

He's not here.

He went back to die -- or worse.

And after how far we came, too.

But you knew this was gonna happen eventually.

It's easier to handle this way, without the bite of feeling breaking him in half. Not yet. He just wants a little more time. Write out the reality of this Luceti. Do what he can. Prepare for the rest.

Exhale. He lets go of the breath he didn't know he was holding, and eventually places a hand on the back of Sayo's head.]

... Thank you.

[She shakes her head into his shoulder, before pulling back. The tears from earlier aren't there, because she refuses them. Instead, she cups a hand on Sanji's cheek, brow knitted.]

... I think you've gotten a little taller.

[A pause, and she brushes her hand across his hair, because right now... even though he's so tall, he seems so much younger. She doesn't expect anything but numbness from him, and she was fine with it. She was so unbelievably nonexistent and numb until she had to make that awful call.

He just needed time to heal. She puts a hand over his, the one carrying the final present, and gives his knuckles a soft squeeze.]

We'll keep going... and do our bests.

...

Aa. [Still staring, he feels his own fingers flex in response to hers, like an afterthought, over the bamboo. And somehow, enough of him is able to cast a smile at her. It's devoid of any happiness or feeling save the brink of devastation - that he'll save for later, when he's alone and no one can find him - but at least in this room, it's enough to carry him through. It's... real enough.] We will.

[And then his eyes drop again. Sanji takes a step back, putting more distance between them. Any more contact and he isn't sure what he'll do.] Thank you, again. [He bites the inside of his cheek] For keeping this for me.

[She shakes her head at that. It wasn't something that needed his thanks; it was her wish to do this, to give everyone what they were supposed to have.] It was no trouble. Please take care of yourself, Sanji-san.

I will.

[He grows hesitant, standing uncertainly by the doorway, until at last he allows himself extra parting words]

Let me know if you need anything, okay?

Right. I'll let you know.

[She smiles, and she'll keep smiling, until Sanji leaves. And when the door finally closes, she puts a hand over her mouth, finally letting a choked sob escape her. It had been struggling to come out, all this time...

She wasn't sure how much of it was her own sadness and how much was sadness on Sanji's behalf, but... it was hard to stop her tears from finally dripping down, once she was alone and in her own silence.]

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