And at that point there's a good chance his phone calls are getting ignored too, so he's going straight to Sanji's apartment. There's the insistent knocks on the door and Baren came over so quickly - so immediately after putting up Sanji's face all over the city - that he doesn't even come with the usual wine bottle peace offering.]
Sanj.
[He has half a mind to pick the lock but Sanji said not to but Baren wants to but Sanji said not to but—]
What the fuck?
[He's being ignored? He fucked up? He fucked up that bad?]
[Wow that'd be sweet if Sanji weren't still pissed off.
And there's a lot to unpack here, all the reasons why he's mildly irritated with Zoro while being flat-out angry at Baren, but he doesn't want to think about it, he just wants to sleep or some other shit that requires little thought, and jesus lord would you stop banging on his fuckin door--
The door yanks open on silent hinges, a hand to his temple to stave off a headache he knows is coming.]
[For a split second, Baren looks surprised that the door even opens.
If it was him, he'd escape through the window, he'd ignore the knocks if he was angry - and even if he can't understand why Sanji's angry, he's amazed that he's even getting a chance to plead his case. He should be careful and sincere—]
No, you what. I asked first.
[Oh. Fuckin. Okay.
Still there's the immediate way that he places his foot in the doorframe so Sanji can't close it on him, not unlike their last encounter in the hospital reversed. There's the furrow of his brow, the sincere confusion that crosses his face because it sincerely hasn't registered what he did.]
The hell is this?
[The discomfort is obvious, at least, and he continues to ask questions while still stepping around the one he really wants the answer to.
Why are you mad at me?]
Did something happen? Is the flyer fucking traumatic or something?
[Escape through the window? Shut the door? Sanji thought about it, and at his most petty even considered rigging the door just so Baren could get a taste of how deep this rabbit hole goes.
That he ignored his knee-jerk reactions to strike back doesn't make him feel much better. Just tight-lipped and rigid out the gate. He glares hard at Baren's confusion and discomfort, wishing those visual cues didn't settle the fires a little.]
I don't give a shit about the flyers. [Besides the fact he's gotta pay Zoro one back for it. But that idiot made his stance clear in little ways; there was no malice attached to the mockery. He hit because he assumed Sanji would hit back.
Though if Baren's expecting Sanji to be more forthcoming, well -- he'll see him shift, lean some weight against the doorway in an obvious intent to withhold entry, looking generously less pissed off but only because he's shut off his expressions.]
[Baren watches, pensive. Okay, so he's not getting inside - yet. Right away. That's how angry Sanji is. It irritates Baren that they have to have this conversation half in public in the hallway, but there's about an 80% chance that he'll just duck inside if someone so much as opens as door or approaches.]
Okay.
[Not the flyers. One option crossed out.
Then probably the Mimi thing - Baren sets a hand on the doorframe and his fingers tap against it in a rhythm.]
So you give a shit about - what, that I called you a stalker?
[For two people who call each other "asshole" regularly, Baren doesn't see the issue.]
[Seeing as Sanji's mouth contorts into a sneer at that word -- bingo. Got it in one. But with the added effect of it evaporating Sanji's patience, too.
So he's gonna get right to it, he's gonna try to keep his shit together long enough that Baren gets the point, and then maybe he'll slam the door in his face.]
She's in the eighth grade, right? [Without bothering to pause so Baren can answer, he pushes on] So a kid.
You don't think hearing her cousin call someone a stalker is gonna worry her?
[-- And then with an abrupt gesture he rakes a hand across his hair, a brief show of two eyes that are drawn together in irritation. Maybe some hurt there too, a wound he never shows.]
Shit, no -- Forget it, not gonna drag her into this. [Hair back in place, he folds his arms again, every word bit out like a hammer driving home nails] If you're that embarrassed we dated, fine, I'll let you have that one. But if you're gonna tell people that shit like I'm an inconvenience in your life you wanna get rid of, let's just drop this.
[Friends, acquaintances, he doesn't care the word they use -- but for all his mockery, even Zoro didn't reject Sanji.]
Baren's expression barely changes but his mind was already moving. He never introduces Mimori to anyone, he doesn't talk about his wonderful cousin because like everything else good in his world, it feels too fragile to share. But being told about how he's going to interact with her, what he should say with someone as close to him as family, makes him want to bite back—
He doesn't because he's too distracted by everything else.
"An inconvenience in your life you wanna get rid of."
No, never that.
Baren blinks and tilts his head and he answers before he thinks better of it - ]
Embarrassed? I'm not.
[A wave of his hand and he thinks this is less important so his explanation is quick - ] You're in a groupchat with my current boyfriend. He just didn't want to know when I dated someone because he's an idiot. And if I bring it up much around Z, he gets pissy too. And Mimi just doesn't need to know what my life is like.
[Otherwise it's the same rule as always - Baren doesn't talk about who he knows. Ever. Though he supposes it makes a little bit more sense to provide explanation for why he especially doesn't like to talk about it to people Sanji knows.
Back to the bigger one:]
Who said you're the other shit? An inconvenience that I wanna get rid of? [who fucking called him a stalker, baren] Why are you making shit up?
[ . . . give him a second, he'll realize why this sounds so familiar in a little bit. Why is he having the same argument with his ex as he had with his boyfriend.]
[Sanji has never once cared what Baren's current boyfriend thinks of him, or anyone else for that matter. Not usually. Hearing the excuses is a drop in the bucket. He'll let them slide without comment because he actually knows how this idiot is, more prone to secrecy than Sanji himself--
Except those last fuckin comments. For shit's sake. They have him coiling immediately, staring blankly until he seems to rear in place, not in fear but more a serpent ready to strike.]
Making shit up?
You called me a goddamn stalker on a public forum, you fuckin bastard--! To your cousin who doesn't know any better! [To a kid who is important to Baren, and yeah, so what? Maybe it did hurt to be painted the villain like that. At least to children, he doesn't want to be any more of a failure than he already knows he is.]
You could've said we were acquaintances and it would've accomplished the same thing!
[Do not fuckin tell him there was no better way to handle keeping Mimori in the dark because Sanji can list five off the top of his head. It's Baren's fault, it has to be. He chose that word (to hurt him, to mock him, it's like his goddamn relatives all over again, this is why he can't--)
Arms unfurled, he takes a step back, reaches for the doorway and prepares to slam it shut]
Baren reaches out to put his hand in the way of the doorway slamming if he has to, immediately lashing back - ]
If it wasn't a big deal to me then I wouldn't be here, fucker!
[And that's the big irritating point. He scowls - there's the absolute certainty that Baren doesn't know how to handle his personal relationships, never had any to manage for so long that he has no fucking clue how to defuse situations that ignite like this one. Every word is still as callous and careless as even when Baren isn't in hot water, but.]
If you didn't fucking matter to me, why the fuck would I spend my time tracking you down, huh? Telling Mimi that you're not a stalker and promising that I'd get this thing between us settled?
[The words are there on the tip of his tongue, the sincerity: You matter to me and not just because Mimori's involved but—
There's a roll of his eyes - what he said to Mimori after wasn't public, of course. Because any time that Baren does anything even vaguely thoughtful that has to be kept out of the public eye. Stupid.]
You're putting words in my mouth, Sanj. What's the point of making me promise honesty if you're not even gonna let me come up with my own responses?
[There's about a thousand other things he wants to say. He's in trouble for calling Sanji a stalker while Zoro gets away with calling him armed and dangerous? What the fuck is that double standard? Why is he making Baren work so fucking hard for forgiveness? Is Sanji the one who wants to cut their relationship off?]
Everyone seems to assume Sanji likes his blood pressure spiked when in fact he'd stalked every inch of that forum post, even looked for a reason to chill out. Even when he tries his hand at heartless he can't quite reach the goal.
Maybe that's why he folds and hides his hand -- not giving in, but stowing the fire below deck as it were. Baren will find the pressure on the door eases as the man releases a breath out his nostrils]
... Alright.
[Smooth work there, Baren. Two hits in a row: namedropping Mimori as well as paying mind to that promise Sanji dragged out of him. Two lines Sanji refuses to cross without good reason. Furious as he is, Sanji can't pretend dragging Baren's ass is worth twisting the few principles he holds himself to.]
Because the truth is fucking annoying - and even worse than that, sincerity is uncomfortable. It shows too much of Baren's hand and what he needs from people. The entire time there's been that underlying unhappiness, the fact that Sanji's opinion matters to him so much is shitty. It's frustrating. Baren shouldn't need anyone and - even now he can recognize that technically, he doesn't need Sanji.
He wants him though - to be in his life, to be someone to exist with. Sanji's worth his time, worth placing his trust in.
... Baren takes a step forward and it's just slightly to buy time but also - ]
Let me in.
[He can't do this halfway in the hallway.
Anything and everything important gets hidden away.]
Turns sharply on his foot and strides away from the door like he's seeking solace in his living room, but there's no one barring the other man entry. He's free to go as he pleases. For now.
It's a good move for both of them, he decides. Baren hates telling the truth, and Sanji can only barely manage to hear it. Goddamn what a pair they make.
Eventually he finds himself in... in the kitchen of all places. Strange. He shoots a bemused glance at his feet like he's unsure why they picked this place, but the notion of sitting down somewhere reeks of vulnerability. Better to stay upright in that case, and to cover his confusion, Sanji opens up for the fridge, no doubt on the hunt for alcohol.
He'll at least make this slightly easy on both of them.]
[Baren enters, closes and locks the door behind him immediately out of habit. For a second longer he lingers, leaning his back against the door and thinking about what he should say. What he needs to say. What he can say.
He's not good at this. He's never been good at this.
Making people angry at him is easy, it's what he does without hesitation just given his personality - but there are people in this city that he'd rather see smiling and laughing. Sanji, for better or worse, is one of those people.
He follows to the kitchen and hops up to sit on the counter automatically, watching and waiting for a moment. Ultimately what's worked for him in the past is saying what he means - ... but all of it, leaving nothing out.]
... I promised Mimi that I'd make it so that you're not mad at me, you know. So I'm giving myself a 24 hour time limit or else it's a broken promise to her... and I can't do that.
She said my joke was mean, too.
... but you know, I get mean.
[It's just how he is. How they are. They're both mean people on the outside, even if the inside is something they'd rather not share.
. . . he's quiet after that though, thoughtful as he rests his chin leans forward and rests his chin on both his hands.]
.... you matter to me.... is the type of thing you want to hear? Even though I didn't see you for years... I'm glad you're alive? [The edge of his lips quirk upward, because Baren is not without humor.] More than that?
If you want to hear that sort of thing regularly, Sanj... [a glance away] I don't know if I can give you that.
[He's not built for it. Even now, everything he felt was phrased as questions - as if they were the only way that they could leave his mouth. But he'll sit back up and run a hand through his hair irritatedly. His expression grows more serious again - ]
... the rest of that though - if you think that I'm out to get you, or want to get rid of you - if I let you think that, that's the mistake. Not you.
[ ... which may be as close to "I made a mistake" as he can get right now. Baren's never said sorry in his life. Not once.
That doesn't mean he can't express the notion in the awkward, fumbling, roundabout ways he knows how.]
[In his own twisted way, Sanji is bound by honor and promises. It's why he so rarely gives either. But he said he'd listen to Baren speak, so this much he'll allow, offering up the occasional grunt or sigh of dissent, to show he's listening:
A smile for Mimori, because she's sweet and kind and everything Sanji loves about kids and teens. Twenty four hours? Fine, then he'll make sure to forgive and let live within a day.
A scoff at the "you matter to me" -- not because he doubts it at his core, but there's a mumbled "please don't" when Baren asks if that's what he's looking to hear daily. They'd combust, the two of them, sharing that much honesty.
... And then a pause when he's told what's the real mistake here, recognizing the dodge for what it is. Maybe Sanji's kinder than he thought, to not call Baren out on how he can't say a simple word. Maybe he really just wants a taste of that wine before they get any further into this conversation.
Eyes closed, deep breaths. He pulls the bottle from the fridge and hunts down a couple glasses]
I'm only saying this once, so listen up.
[Pouring while he speaks.]
My -- [my dad, my brothers, the shitheads who made me this way] -- my blood relatives did the same kind of shit sometimes -- pretended they weren't associated with me.
[His glass poured first, then Baren's. Within seconds, Sanji takes his own and shoots it down his throat in one swallow. Pours another. Damn, didn't even taste it...]
The only difference is you actually give a shit and they don't.
[Looking at Baren? That's off the table. Sanji keeps his gaze on the bottle and the wine, pretending he doesn't know how his fingers will crack glass if he clenches his fist any harder.]
... Not asking you to treat me like glass. Just-- reel it in a little, next time.
[Please do not reject him, he can't deal with it a second time.]
[Baren would pull that with most people. Pretend that he didn't know them if he didn't like them, if they hadn't made an impact on his life, would feign forgetfulness when it's almost a given that his memory is as sharp as a tack.
He thinks about that for a second, staring into the wine in his glass before throwing it back similarly.
If they're having this kind of conversation, he'll need more than that.
Hence why he'll slide his glass back over to Sanji, expecting.
. . . . ]
I've never needed to know that much about you. [It's not how much he knows that determines how much he likes a person - all that matters is that in this moment, he knows enough that he likes.] I still don't need to know more if you don't want to share.
... but you can't lose your shit on me for reasons I don't know about and expect me to take it.
[And because Baren's an annoying fuck, he'll slide himself on the counter closer to where Sanji is too, tilting his head to peer at his expression.]
I won't go anywhere.
[Even if Sanji does lose his shit.]
You're stuck with me - but the universe can probably only handle one of us being that shitty at a time.
[What a surprise, to find out Sanji's doesn't (can't) play fair in his own friendships. Of course he didn't tell Baren the reason why until this exact second.
It still took a lot of nerve for him to say that much, and for a brief pocket of time feels something like hurt cross his expression, too willing to assume that first statement is just another form of rejection. Old habits and all. You can't get hurt if you expect the blow somewhere.
But it isn't rejection -- "I won't go anywhere" -- and he... calms down. Enough that when Baren decides to be his usual flavor of asshole and peek at his face, there's only a flash of that vulnerability before Sanji is irritable again.]
Oh shove it. [No bite to his tone. Where did all his fire go? This is why he can't stand friendship.
He pours Baren his glass and slides it back to him.]
We're not the sharing and caring type, first off. And s'not like I didn't do fine for myself in the end.
[Gonna put that to bed immediately because Sanji will barf all over this counter if he so much as sniffs sympathy in the room.
...]
I didn't think it'd matter, so I never brought it up.
[No one would ever meet her, so he never brought her up. Baren talks about his twin sister naturally, even if he knows for almost a fact that no one will ever meet her. But when he doesn't expect his friends to meet each other, or his friends to ever meet his extended family, he sees no reason to mention it.
The same could be said about Baren's own past, which remains just as shrouded in mystery as Sanji's.
But even with a flash of vulnerability, it's enough for Baren to catch. So he sips on his wine glass for a moment before sighing.]
Look, Sanj.
I don't care to ask questions because I don't like answering them. But if you ask, I'll think about answering.
And if you think anything's worth telling me, I'll give a shit - because it's you. Not a pity thing, because if anything changed you wouldn't be you.
[And this version of Sanji is the one that Baren likes.
[Baren, did he not just say the two of you weren't caring and sharing type--
A few glasses of wine aren't nearly enough to loosen his tongue further, so Sanji's glance darts to the side instead, a little embarrassed... a little relieved, too. It's the latter that ends up being palatable in the air.
Sighing himself, he pours himself more wine, taking cues from Baren to nurse this one instead of demolishing it.]
Nah, there's nothing I wanna know. [That's a truth shared between them; Sanji doesn't need Baren's dirty past, or even much of his present, to make his own decisions. There's a reason Baren's allowed to crash on his couch most days]
... Didn't mean to put you in the doghouse with your cousin, though. [That, uh... he might actually be sorry about?]
It's when he somehow says the right thing despite just saying what he wants to say. Baren chooses to just focus on his drink then, worrying less about Sanji now that this seems to be cleared between them.
At the mention of Mimori though, Baren laughs, whether the timing is inappropriate or not. It breaks any of the tenseness he might feel, instead grinning easily. He loves the family he still has more than anything.]
Nah, Mimi's an angel. Don't know how we're related, really.
I'll probably buy her something nice to make up for all of this? She actually apologized to me - can you believe that? Ah, I'll have to get her something extra good.
[A snort of amusement on Sanji's end, but it's tinged with nothing but fondness and relief. He shakes his head a little] She apologized to me and then asked that I cut you some slack; not like you weren't being mean on purpose.
[It probably says plenty that a middle-schooler got the lesson Sanji didn't want to hear, but he'll cut it with the self-abasement for today. Still smiling, he brings the glass to his lips, tilting it until the liquid dances.
And then without answering immediately, glances in Baren's direction.
It's not from hesitance. Acceptance is already reflected in his expression, of a duty he would've taken on without Baren's asking. He's just thoughtful for now, considering what would keep Baren from taking care of a girl he so clearly loves.
... Eh. Thinking too hard. It'll be Sanji keeping down the fort until Baren shows up. He won't accept anything else.]
Of course I'm gonna.
[Smirking back into his drink]
Though no complaining when I'm first in line to kicking some shithead's ass.
[The fondness coming from Sanji manages to get the rest of the tension to drain from Baren's person entirely. He actually laughs at Sanji's remark, taking the smile from the other as an invitation to completely relax whether that's what it is or not. Even if it's not quite forgiveness, Sanji's smiling again - and even if it's not for him, Baren will take that as a victory.]
Oh fuck off, you'd know if I was really being mean on purpose.
[Easily, because he really didn't have a hint of malice toward Sanji at the time. Just a bad joke that sounded funnier to him at the time. An attack would be different. It'd be something more direct, more intensely personal - and he'd rather it never have to come to that.
This sort of thing is easier.]
Hah, first in a line of two - maybe three if my sister can make it.
Mimi hasn't met Z or anyone else I know yet, so far as I know.... so keep up the good impression, alright?
[It's one of the few times where Baren has to deal with the most important thing in his world - the scraps of family that he still holds dear - to actually interact with the other people in his life.]
[Sanji had eavesdropped on enough of that conversation to realize that no, Mimori really didn't know much about Baren's friends or lifestyle. A good choice, he thinks, but he hadn't taken the thought further, either -- less people to look after the girl should it become necessary. A faint frown appears on his expression.
Hn. No matter.]
Three's plenty.
[They'll take good care of her.]
And please, I'm a goddamn gentleman to anyone who isn't you. [A flash of a smile, his humor returning in full.] I'll take care of her.
[FAAAAKE!! But Baren's laughing at that, amused at the idea. Then again, he supposes he wouldn't know. He doesn't pay attention to many of Sanji's relationships outside of himself - and maybe Zoro, just out of necessity.
Maybe he is different around other people.]
Just be yourself, dipshit. She's good at spotting lies and you'll get scolded if you tell too many.
[Honestly -- Sanji just snorts, not bothering to get irritated, waving at Baren like he's a fly stuck in his hair. Of course he's different around others. As if anyone else really puts up with his wet feline attitude. He's kind to children, passably polite to most women, and as for everyone else--
Well, he's learned how to play nice in the sandbox, if only to keep shitheads from burning down his apartment.
So a gentleman? Absolutely. Even if it usually doesn't count for shit.]
Tch. Now that I believe. She's has plenty of practice by now.
[He downs his glass of wine again, only this time tasting the flavor, and smiling briefly for it.]
[The smile's good. Baren huffs out an offended breath at that even as he waves off the idea.]
What's this? Are you making rude remarks about my character? [A quirk of his brow and damn if Baren doesn't move on real quick with burying hatchets - ] Do I get to have a tantrum now?
[fucker still tests his luck, holding out his wine glass for a refillllll]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
AFTER ZORO'S POST IG | action
And at that point there's a good chance his phone calls are getting ignored too, so he's going straight to Sanji's apartment. There's the insistent knocks on the door and Baren came over so quickly - so immediately after putting up Sanji's face all over the city - that he doesn't even come with the usual wine bottle peace offering.]
Sanj.
[He has half a mind to pick the lock but Sanji said not to but Baren wants to but Sanji said not to but—]
What the fuck?
[He's being ignored? He fucked up? He fucked up that bad?]
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And there's a lot to unpack here, all the reasons why he's mildly irritated with Zoro while being flat-out angry at Baren, but he doesn't want to think about it, he just wants to sleep or some other shit that requires little thought, and jesus lord would you stop banging on his fuckin door--
The door yanks open on silent hinges, a hand to his temple to stave off a headache he knows is coming.]
What.
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If it was him, he'd escape through the window, he'd ignore the knocks if he was angry - and even if he can't understand why Sanji's angry, he's amazed that he's even getting a chance to plead his case. He should be careful and sincere—]
No, you what. I asked first.
[Oh. Fuckin. Okay.
Still there's the immediate way that he places his foot in the doorframe so Sanji can't close it on him, not unlike their last encounter in the hospital reversed. There's the furrow of his brow, the sincere confusion that crosses his face because it sincerely hasn't registered what he did.]
The hell is this?
[The discomfort is obvious, at least, and he continues to ask questions while still stepping around the one he really wants the answer to.
Why are you mad at me?]
Did something happen? Is the flyer fucking traumatic or something?
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That he ignored his knee-jerk reactions to strike back doesn't make him feel much better. Just tight-lipped and rigid out the gate. He glares hard at Baren's confusion and discomfort, wishing those visual cues didn't settle the fires a little.]
I don't give a shit about the flyers. [Besides the fact he's gotta pay Zoro one back for it. But that idiot made his stance clear in little ways; there was no malice attached to the mockery. He hit because he assumed Sanji would hit back.
Though if Baren's expecting Sanji to be more forthcoming, well -- he'll see him shift, lean some weight against the doorway in an obvious intent to withhold entry, looking generously less pissed off but only because he's shut off his expressions.]
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Okay.
[Not the flyers. One option crossed out.
Then probably the Mimi thing - Baren sets a hand on the doorframe and his fingers tap against it in a rhythm.]
So you give a shit about - what, that I called you a stalker?
[For two people who call each other "asshole" regularly, Baren doesn't see the issue.]
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So he's gonna get right to it, he's gonna try to keep his shit together long enough that Baren gets the point, and then maybe he'll slam the door in his face.]
She's in the eighth grade, right? [Without bothering to pause so Baren can answer, he pushes on] So a kid.
You don't think hearing her cousin call someone a stalker is gonna worry her?
[-- And then with an abrupt gesture he rakes a hand across his hair, a brief show of two eyes that are drawn together in irritation. Maybe some hurt there too, a wound he never shows.]
Shit, no -- Forget it, not gonna drag her into this. [Hair back in place, he folds his arms again, every word bit out like a hammer driving home nails] If you're that embarrassed we dated, fine, I'll let you have that one. But if you're gonna tell people that shit like I'm an inconvenience in your life you wanna get rid of, let's just drop this.
[Friends, acquaintances, he doesn't care the word they use -- but for all his mockery, even Zoro didn't reject Sanji.]
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Baren's expression barely changes but his mind was already moving. He never introduces Mimori to anyone, he doesn't talk about his wonderful cousin because like everything else good in his world, it feels too fragile to share. But being told about how he's going to interact with her, what he should say with someone as close to him as family, makes him want to bite back—
He doesn't because he's too distracted by everything else.
"An inconvenience in your life you wanna get rid of."
No, never that.
Baren blinks and tilts his head and he answers before he thinks better of it - ]
Embarrassed? I'm not.
[A wave of his hand and he thinks this is less important so his explanation is quick - ] You're in a groupchat with my current boyfriend. He just didn't want to know when I dated someone because he's an idiot. And if I bring it up much around Z, he gets pissy too. And Mimi just doesn't need to know what my life is like.
[Otherwise it's the same rule as always - Baren doesn't talk about who he knows. Ever. Though he supposes it makes a little bit more sense to provide explanation for why he especially doesn't like to talk about it to people Sanji knows.
Back to the bigger one:]
Who said you're the other shit? An inconvenience that I wanna get rid of? [who fucking called him a stalker, baren] Why are you making shit up?
[ . . . give him a second, he'll realize why this sounds so familiar in a little bit. Why is he having the same argument with his ex as he had with his boyfriend.]
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Except those last fuckin comments. For shit's sake. They have him coiling immediately, staring blankly until he seems to rear in place, not in fear but more a serpent ready to strike.]
Making shit up?
You called me a goddamn stalker on a public forum, you fuckin bastard--! To your cousin who doesn't know any better! [To a kid who is important to Baren, and yeah, so what? Maybe it did hurt to be painted the villain like that. At least to children, he doesn't want to be any more of a failure than he already knows he is.]
You could've said we were acquaintances and it would've accomplished the same thing!
[Do not fuckin tell him there was no better way to handle keeping Mimori in the dark because Sanji can list five off the top of his head. It's Baren's fault, it has to be. He chose that word (to hurt him, to mock him, it's like his goddamn relatives all over again, this is why he can't--)
Arms unfurled, he takes a step back, reaches for the doorway and prepares to slam it shut]
Fuck it. It's not a big deal to you?
Fine, go sleep it off.
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Baren reaches out to put his hand in the way of the doorway slamming if he has to, immediately lashing back - ]
If it wasn't a big deal to me then I wouldn't be here, fucker!
[And that's the big irritating point. He scowls - there's the absolute certainty that Baren doesn't know how to handle his personal relationships, never had any to manage for so long that he has no fucking clue how to defuse situations that ignite like this one. Every word is still as callous and careless as even when Baren isn't in hot water, but.]
If you didn't fucking matter to me, why the fuck would I spend my time tracking you down, huh? Telling Mimi that you're not a stalker and promising that I'd get this thing between us settled?
[The words are there on the tip of his tongue, the sincerity: You matter to me and not just because Mimori's involved but—
There's a roll of his eyes - what he said to Mimori after wasn't public, of course. Because any time that Baren does anything even vaguely thoughtful that has to be kept out of the public eye. Stupid.]
You're putting words in my mouth, Sanj. What's the point of making me promise honesty if you're not even gonna let me come up with my own responses?
[There's about a thousand other things he wants to say. He's in trouble for calling Sanji a stalker while Zoro gets away with calling him armed and dangerous? What the fuck is that double standard? Why is he making Baren work so fucking hard for forgiveness? Is Sanji the one who wants to cut their relationship off?]
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Everyone seems to assume Sanji likes his blood pressure spiked when in fact he'd stalked every inch of that forum post, even looked for a reason to chill out. Even when he tries his hand at heartless he can't quite reach the goal.
Maybe that's why he folds and hides his hand -- not giving in, but stowing the fire below deck as it were. Baren will find the pressure on the door eases as the man releases a breath out his nostrils]
... Alright.
[Smooth work there, Baren. Two hits in a row: namedropping Mimori as well as paying mind to that promise Sanji dragged out of him. Two lines Sanji refuses to cross without good reason. Furious as he is, Sanji can't pretend dragging Baren's ass is worth twisting the few principles he holds himself to.]
So talk.
[He's listening]
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And just like that, the discomfort.
Because the truth is fucking annoying - and even worse than that, sincerity is uncomfortable. It shows too much of Baren's hand and what he needs from people. The entire time there's been that underlying unhappiness, the fact that Sanji's opinion matters to him so much is shitty. It's frustrating. Baren shouldn't need anyone and - even now he can recognize that technically, he doesn't need Sanji.
He wants him though - to be in his life, to be someone to exist with. Sanji's worth his time, worth placing his trust in.
... Baren takes a step forward and it's just slightly to buy time but also - ]
Let me in.
[He can't do this halfway in the hallway.
Anything and everything important gets hidden away.]
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Turns sharply on his foot and strides away from the door like he's seeking solace in his living room, but there's no one barring the other man entry. He's free to go as he pleases. For now.
It's a good move for both of them, he decides. Baren hates telling the truth, and Sanji can only barely manage to hear it. Goddamn what a pair they make.
Eventually he finds himself in... in the kitchen of all places. Strange. He shoots a bemused glance at his feet like he's unsure why they picked this place, but the notion of sitting down somewhere reeks of vulnerability. Better to stay upright in that case, and to cover his confusion, Sanji opens up for the fridge, no doubt on the hunt for alcohol.
He'll at least make this slightly easy on both of them.]
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He's not good at this. He's never been good at this.
Making people angry at him is easy, it's what he does without hesitation just given his personality - but there are people in this city that he'd rather see smiling and laughing. Sanji, for better or worse, is one of those people.
He follows to the kitchen and hops up to sit on the counter automatically, watching and waiting for a moment. Ultimately what's worked for him in the past is saying what he means - ... but all of it, leaving nothing out.]
... I promised Mimi that I'd make it so that you're not mad at me, you know. So I'm giving myself a 24 hour time limit or else it's a broken promise to her... and I can't do that.
She said my joke was mean, too.
... but you know, I get mean.
[It's just how he is. How they are. They're both mean people on the outside, even if the inside is something they'd rather not share.
. . . he's quiet after that though, thoughtful as he rests his chin leans forward and rests his chin on both his hands.]
.... you matter to me.... is the type of thing you want to hear? Even though I didn't see you for years... I'm glad you're alive? [The edge of his lips quirk upward, because Baren is not without humor.] More than that?
If you want to hear that sort of thing regularly, Sanj... [a glance away] I don't know if I can give you that.
[He's not built for it. Even now, everything he felt was phrased as questions - as if they were the only way that they could leave his mouth. But he'll sit back up and run a hand through his hair irritatedly. His expression grows more serious again - ]
... the rest of that though - if you think that I'm out to get you, or want to get rid of you - if I let you think that, that's the mistake. Not you.
[ ... which may be as close to "I made a mistake" as he can get right now. Baren's never said sorry in his life. Not once.
That doesn't mean he can't express the notion in the awkward, fumbling, roundabout ways he knows how.]
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A smile for Mimori, because she's sweet and kind and everything Sanji loves about kids and teens. Twenty four hours? Fine, then he'll make sure to forgive and let live within a day.
A scoff at the "you matter to me" -- not because he doubts it at his core, but there's a mumbled "please don't" when Baren asks if that's what he's looking to hear daily. They'd combust, the two of them, sharing that much honesty.
... And then a pause when he's told what's the real mistake here, recognizing the dodge for what it is. Maybe Sanji's kinder than he thought, to not call Baren out on how he can't say a simple word. Maybe he really just wants a taste of that wine before they get any further into this conversation.
Eyes closed, deep breaths. He pulls the bottle from the fridge and hunts down a couple glasses]
I'm only saying this once, so listen up.
[Pouring while he speaks.]
My -- [my dad, my brothers, the shitheads who made me this way] -- my blood relatives did the same kind of shit sometimes -- pretended they weren't associated with me.
[His glass poured first, then Baren's. Within seconds, Sanji takes his own and shoots it down his throat in one swallow. Pours another. Damn, didn't even taste it...]
The only difference is you actually give a shit and they don't.
[Looking at Baren? That's off the table. Sanji keeps his gaze on the bottle and the wine, pretending he doesn't know how his fingers will crack glass if he clenches his fist any harder.]
... Not asking you to treat me like glass. Just-- reel it in a little, next time.
[Please do not reject him, he can't deal with it a second time.]
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He thinks about that for a second, staring into the wine in his glass before throwing it back similarly.
If they're having this kind of conversation, he'll need more than that.
Hence why he'll slide his glass back over to Sanji, expecting.
. . . . ]
I've never needed to know that much about you. [It's not how much he knows that determines how much he likes a person - all that matters is that in this moment, he knows enough that he likes.] I still don't need to know more if you don't want to share.
... but you can't lose your shit on me for reasons I don't know about and expect me to take it.
[And because Baren's an annoying fuck, he'll slide himself on the counter closer to where Sanji is too, tilting his head to peer at his expression.]
I won't go anywhere.
[Even if Sanji does lose his shit.]
You're stuck with me - but the universe can probably only handle one of us being that shitty at a time.
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It still took a lot of nerve for him to say that much, and for a brief pocket of time feels something like hurt cross his expression, too willing to assume that first statement is just another form of rejection. Old habits and all. You can't get hurt if you expect the blow somewhere.
But it isn't rejection -- "I won't go anywhere" -- and he... calms down. Enough that when Baren decides to be his usual flavor of asshole and peek at his face, there's only a flash of that vulnerability before Sanji is irritable again.]
Oh shove it. [No bite to his tone. Where did all his fire go? This is why he can't stand friendship.
He pours Baren his glass and slides it back to him.]
We're not the sharing and caring type, first off. And s'not like I didn't do fine for myself in the end.
[Gonna put that to bed immediately because Sanji will barf all over this counter if he so much as sniffs sympathy in the room.
...]
I didn't think it'd matter, so I never brought it up.
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... what I thought too, about Mimi.
[No one would ever meet her, so he never brought her up. Baren talks about his twin sister naturally, even if he knows for almost a fact that no one will ever meet her. But when he doesn't expect his friends to meet each other, or his friends to ever meet his extended family, he sees no reason to mention it.
The same could be said about Baren's own past, which remains just as shrouded in mystery as Sanji's.
But even with a flash of vulnerability, it's enough for Baren to catch. So he sips on his wine glass for a moment before sighing.]
Look, Sanj.
I don't care to ask questions because I don't like answering them. But if you ask, I'll think about answering.
And if you think anything's worth telling me, I'll give a shit - because it's you. Not a pity thing, because if anything changed you wouldn't be you.
[And this version of Sanji is the one that Baren likes.
Fire and ice and all.]
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A few glasses of wine aren't nearly enough to loosen his tongue further, so Sanji's glance darts to the side instead, a little embarrassed... a little relieved, too. It's the latter that ends up being palatable in the air.
Sighing himself, he pours himself more wine, taking cues from Baren to nurse this one instead of demolishing it.]
Nah, there's nothing I wanna know. [That's a truth shared between them; Sanji doesn't need Baren's dirty past, or even much of his present, to make his own decisions. There's a reason Baren's allowed to crash on his couch most days]
... Didn't mean to put you in the doghouse with your cousin, though. [That, uh... he might actually be sorry about?]
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It's when he somehow says the right thing despite just saying what he wants to say. Baren chooses to just focus on his drink then, worrying less about Sanji now that this seems to be cleared between them.
At the mention of Mimori though, Baren laughs, whether the timing is inappropriate or not. It breaks any of the tenseness he might feel, instead grinning easily. He loves the family he still has more than anything.]
Nah, Mimi's an angel. Don't know how we're related, really.
I'll probably buy her something nice to make up for all of this? She actually apologized to me - can you believe that? Ah, I'll have to get her something extra good.
[And then easily, as if none of this happened:]
You'll take care of her when I can't, right?
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[A snort of amusement on Sanji's end, but it's tinged with nothing but fondness and relief. He shakes his head a little] She apologized to me and then asked that I cut you some slack; not like you weren't being mean on purpose.
[It probably says plenty that a middle-schooler got the lesson Sanji didn't want to hear, but he'll cut it with the self-abasement for today. Still smiling, he brings the glass to his lips, tilting it until the liquid dances.
And then without answering immediately, glances in Baren's direction.
It's not from hesitance. Acceptance is already reflected in his expression, of a duty he would've taken on without Baren's asking. He's just thoughtful for now, considering what would keep Baren from taking care of a girl he so clearly loves.
... Eh. Thinking too hard. It'll be Sanji keeping down the fort until Baren shows up. He won't accept anything else.]
Of course I'm gonna.
[Smirking back into his drink]
Though no complaining when I'm first in line to kicking some shithead's ass.
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Oh fuck off, you'd know if I was really being mean on purpose.
[Easily, because he really didn't have a hint of malice toward Sanji at the time. Just a bad joke that sounded funnier to him at the time. An attack would be different. It'd be something more direct, more intensely personal - and he'd rather it never have to come to that.
This sort of thing is easier.]
Hah, first in a line of two - maybe three if my sister can make it.
Mimi hasn't met Z or anyone else I know yet, so far as I know.... so keep up the good impression, alright?
[It's one of the few times where Baren has to deal with the most important thing in his world - the scraps of family that he still holds dear - to actually interact with the other people in his life.]
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Hn. No matter.]
Three's plenty.
[They'll take good care of her.]
And please, I'm a goddamn gentleman to anyone who isn't you. [A flash of a smile, his humor returning in full.] I'll take care of her.
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[FAAAAKE!! But Baren's laughing at that, amused at the idea. Then again, he supposes he wouldn't know. He doesn't pay attention to many of Sanji's relationships outside of himself - and maybe Zoro, just out of necessity.
Maybe he is different around other people.]
Just be yourself, dipshit. She's good at spotting lies and you'll get scolded if you tell too many.
[not at all speaking from experience]
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Well, he's learned how to play nice in the sandbox, if only to keep shitheads from burning down his apartment.
So a gentleman? Absolutely. Even if it usually doesn't count for shit.]
Tch. Now that I believe. She's has plenty of practice by now.
[He downs his glass of wine again, only this time tasting the flavor, and smiling briefly for it.]
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What's this? Are you making rude remarks about my character? [A quirk of his brow and damn if Baren doesn't move on real quick with burying hatchets - ] Do I get to have a tantrum now?
[fucker still tests his luck, holding out his wine glass for a refillllll]
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