[A very shrill, very unhappy voice in his head wishes Vivi would just put him out of his misery and strangle him, it'd be a better alternative than having to explain what the hell is wrong with him. He visibly flinches at the sound of her voice, refusing to turn, but he musters up the courage for an apology he feels he owes]
I'm sorry, Vivi-san! I-- [The explanation catches in his throat, earning a growl of discontent and frustration and shame. That, more than anything - the naked shame of feeling like he's about to do something inconceivably horrid, that he should throw himself into the ocean and drown - tenses his muscles until he shoulders scrunch up around his ears.] I'm really sorry.
[Beach - age 14]
I'm sorry, Vivi-san! I-- [The explanation catches in his throat, earning a growl of discontent and frustration and shame. That, more than anything - the naked shame of feeling like he's about to do something inconceivably horrid, that he should throw himself into the ocean and drown - tenses his muscles until he shoulders scrunch up around his ears.] I'm really sorry.
[He's letting her down and hates himself for it]